11 Characteristic Symptoms Of Emotional Codependency
Emotional codependency is a very harmful symptom for couple relationships, because when one’s happiness depends on other people, one stops being who one really is and is not able to express one’s true self. Emotional codependency, as occurs with emotional dependence, is synonymous with a toxic relationship.
That is why it is good to know how to manage this phenomenon where it occurs; After all, our well-being is at stake.
Difference between emotional codependency and emotional dependence
Many individuals think that emotional dependence and emotional codependency are synonyms. But… is it really like that? Nothing is further from reality. Emotional dependence and emotional codependency, although related, are different concepts.
The dependent person is one who, due to the dysfunctional characteristics of their personality, depends on another person to be happy, and uses them to fill the void they feel in their life. He is unable to turn back even though his situation is conflictive and he has no future. emotional dependence occurs in one of the members of the couple , but the other does not have to be dependent. Dependent individuals manipulate their partner to benefit from their low autonomy, lack of empowerment, and low self-esteem.
However, emotional codependency takes place when one member of the couple is “addicted” to their partner’s dependence and, therefore, the need to help him and worry about his well-being.
Codependency is not an altruistic behavior
The codependent person It is a kind of quieter controller and manipulator , who spends all his time trying to get what he thinks his partner needs. In this attempt to protect the other he stops being himself.
Their intention may seem altruistic, but in reality it is not. Codependent relationships are not healthy relationships and have a negative effect on the happiness of the person who is codependent and their partner, but it also affects their work, their health and even other interpersonal relationships.
Symptoms of this type of dependency in the couple
emotional codependency It is a relational style that needs to be corrected and it is a way of thinking in which the person has the belief that they must sacrifice their well-being for others, regardless of the consequences.
Codependent people present a series of characteristics or signs that must be detected for the relationship to continue well. They are the following:
1. They feel responsible for the couple’s feelings
Codependent people They spend all their energy to satisfy their partner’s needs and they are constantly making sacrifices in their relationship. Although it is not bad to do some acts of love for your partner and help them when they are having a hard time, there must always be a balance.
Even though the partner of the codependent person may be dependent and have low self-esteem, the codependent does everything possible for the partner, leaving aside his or her own needs.
2. They get carried away by the emotional part rather than the rational part
In reality, codependent people They do not have the ability to solve their lover’s problems , but rather they let themselves be carried away more by the emotional than the rational part. They have a deficit in their interpersonal relationships, for example, in terms of assertiveness; and despite sacrificing their well-being for the other, they do not achieve their purpose because they are not mentally strong people.
3. They feel used and victimized when things don’t go well
Since their behavior is not altruistic, codependent people often feel used and unappreciated for everything they do for their partner. The codependent will use a large amount of energy to take over the life of another , all under the guise of altruism and sincerely wanting to help. When help or advice is ignored or unappreciated, the codependent feels angry and mistreated.
Thus, it is common to resort to emotional blackmail, as a desperate attempt to make the ties that hold the relationship together remain strong. Unfortunately, this strategy not only causes discomfort in the other person; Furthermore, it achieves the opposite effect to that intended, since it is clear that it is a form of manipulation, many times even when one agrees to do what the other wants and it seems that in the short term that strategy has had an effect.
4. They have unclear boundaries
These types of individuals take everything personally, since the boundaries of the emotional codependent are unclear. The limits are a kind of imaginary line between the members of the couple, in which each one knows how far they have to go so as not to hurt the other.
This makes sense, for example, for intimate relationships or belonging, but also for feelings, thoughts and needs. In this sense, they have unclear limits. On the one hand they give everything for the couple, but on the other they blame them and throw everything in their faces at the slightest change.
5. They are controlling
Codependent people they use manipulation or guilt to control the behavior of others. These tactics may be unconscious, but at the end of the day the emptiness and the need to feel useful turns you into a controlling person, who constantly seeks to offer help even if the other person does not need it. Therefore, he does not actually offer him real help, but instead aims to satisfy his own needs through this seemingly altruistic behavior.
Codependent individuals spend too much time thinking about other people and how they are All of this is caused by his dependency, his anxiety and her fears. They can also become obsessed when they think they have made or could have made a mistake, because they value themselves negatively and do not tolerate frustration.
Thus, one of the central elements of the mental state of these people is anticipatory anxiety.
7. They have low self-esteem
Negative self-assessment is common in this type of individuals. One of the main causes of this phenomenon is that they have low self-esteem. They are people who, in addition to being codependent, are dependent on the situation and They fear rejection, because they do not feel comfortable with themselves
8. Poor social skills
They are also people who do not usually have highly developed social skills and, therefore, channel much of their energy into a single individual. Helping others is positive, but in this context of social skills deficit, providing help becomes a great dependency. that aims to feel valued and appreciated
9. They deny reality
They are people who usually deny reality, especially in the face of couple and relationship problems Although they are very attentive to helping their lover and pay a lot of attention to them, they have poor problem-solving skills.
10. They get trapped in a toxic relationship
Due to low self-esteem, it is common for these individuals to become trapped in an unsatisfying and toxic relationship, even though they are aware that it does not benefit them. Co-dependent people they spend too much time trying to change their partner because in reality they are the ones who have a problem to change.
11. They are not emotionally intelligent
These individuals lie to themselves and make excuses for the bad behavior of others. Since they avoid their own feelings and have a poor capacity for self-knowledge and reflection, they develop techniques to lie to themselves about the behavior of others.
They do not know themselves, nor do they regulate their emotions nor do they have good communication skills. In short, they are not emotionally intelligent.
