37 Ways To Not Hurt Myself (emotionally And Psychologically)
We are all different, but if I have learned anything in the time I have been working in a clinic, it is that some things generalize to almost all human beings. Scratching a little, the reasons for suffering usually coincide in a high percentage.
That’s why it occurred to me to summarize here what are the main causes of suffering that I observe in therapy, which make us feel bad for longer than we should and with more intensity.
At this point, almost all of us know that this journey is not a bed of roses, but with some guidelines, perhaps, we can have just enough hard times, not more.
Below I leave you a list of psychological self-care behaviors that will facilitate the proper or less painful management of what they call life:
1. Learn to forgive
Forgiveness is not always intended for the other person. I believe that it is more intended for ourselves If we forgive, let go, let go, we free ourselves from emotions such as hatred, resentment, frustration… it does not have to be linked to resuming the relationship with the person in question. It is more of a process of inner peace.
2. Ask yourself: what is this for me?
Every time we find ourselves thinking about something that hurts us, we can ask ourselves: What good is this for me? If the answer focuses on being worse and not finding any solution, It would be good to change that thought for another that helps us be more productive or direct us to be able to solve the problem in some way.
3. Things are as they are, not as I want them to be
Important point why sometimes we insist on changing things that are not in our power. As much as I want, there are things that are the way they are, not how I would like them to be. We would have to learn to separate what I can change from what I can’t Act with the first, and accept the second.
Here it would come in to relativize. Give things the right importance, be objective and not drown in a glass of water. Stop and think if what is happening has as much importance as what we are giving it.
5. Accept that not everything has an explanation
Going over and over something that we will never understand, either because the answer lies in another person who does not want to give it to us, either because it is not in our power, or because it has happened like this í (for example a death in an accident). Accept that we are not going to understand everything. And learn to live with it.
6. Do not anticipate a catastrophic outcome
Most of the time we suffer for things that in the end never happen. But our head has already invented a very tragic ending, sometimes the worst possible, and we have lived it as if it were real, forgetting that all that suffering, even if it is imaginary, hurts us. And sometimes a lot. We should learn to take care of ourselves when it comes, if it comes, and stop worrying so much.
7. Letting go of ballast: letting go of everything that wants to leave
Throw away what no longer works. Make gap. From time to time it is essential to look at what we have around us and realize what is left over Only in this way will we be able to remove stones from the backpack we carry, and the less we weigh, the freer we will be when walking. Practice detachment from things, situations and people.
8. Accept yourself
Carl Rogers said that only when I accept myself, can I change. In order to carry out this point, an exercise of introspection is necessary, which is knowing oneself, how we think, how we feel, how we act. Only by knowing who I am, and accepting it, will I be able to change what I don’t want in my life.
9. Not wanting to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you
Many times, the source of suffering comes from insisting on being with someone who doesn’t love you. Here, accept that others have other feelings that although we would like to, they are not the same as ours, lightens and shortens the grieving process.
10. Set realistic goals
Set achievable and possible goals to avoid the frustration that is generated when we do not reach where we want to go.
11. Perfectionism
Understand that there is no one or nothing perfect. That each one of us is special and different, and that As long as our goal is perfection, we will not enjoy the process and we are going to break down every time something doesn’t turn out the way we think it should.
12. Don’t guess what others think
Act believing that what we believe others believe is an absolute truth, without considering that perhaps we are getting confused and others do not think as we believe they do.
13. Don’t procrastinate
Leave for later what you can get out of the way, makes your mind busy thinking that you have something to do and that you cannot enjoy 100% of what you are doing.
14. Don’t take everything personally
Don’t think that the whole world revolves around your navel and that all the decisions made by others have to do with you. If someone laughs at the next table, maybe it’s because something was funny to them, they don’t have to be laughing at me. When we think that everything is against us, perhaps we are the ones who are.
Knowing how to put yourself in someone else’s shoes and see their reality through their eyes, not ours. This helps us understand others and facilitates personal relationships.
16. Adaptability
Darwin said that the most intelligent being is the one that best adapts to the environment. Being able to understand situations and live them in the best possible way within our possibilities, it saves a lot of suffering.
17. Take care of the way we treat each other
Realize the way we talk to each other. Language is very important when it comes to valuing ourselves, and many times the verbalizations we make towards ourselves are far from being affectionate, tolerant and realistic. Self-criticism is good as long as the result is an attempt to improve not a constant self-crushing from which nothing productive comes out.
18. Not expecting others to act as you would act
Many times we find ourselves saying “I wouldn’t do it that way”, as if others had to do it the same way we would do it.
19. Ability to transform
Realize the power we have to transform the lives of others and therefore, also ours. Be aware of how important small gestures are and its impact.
20. Not acting when we want, expecting others to do it
Keep waiting for third parties to make decisions for us, without thinking that we have the power of our lives to be able to act For example, don’t call a person, expecting them to make the first move. With this, I keep my life on pause and lose power over it.
21. Don’t punish yourself
Be more fair and tolerant with yourself and allow yourself to fail without it causing a disaster, without extreme self-demands In these types of things I always ask “if it had happened to a friend of yours, would you be so harsh?”, and the answer is almost always a resounding no. If you wouldn’t treat anyone so cruelly, why would you?
22. Select the battles to fight
Many times we get into trouble from which we are not going to get anything and that only leads to mental exhaustion that we can avoid. There are discussions that we already know from afar are not worth it. As they say there, sometimes it is better to have peace than to be right
23. Make decisions
Sometimes we don’t take them, either for fear of making mistakes, or for fear of the consequences. Making decisions gives us power over our lives and makes us feel it.
24. Escape from the prison of what they will say
That our lives revolve around what others can say about us gives power to third parties over our lives. Therefore, anyone can harm us. Accept that whatever we do there will always be those who criticize us, and stay true to ourselves promotes self-esteem, security and confidence.
25. Take the mistake as learning
Understand mistakes as a way of learning, instead of as a model of defeat, which makes us value ourselves negatively and globally based on that failure.
26. Know how to retire on time
We have the mistaken idea that withdrawing is losing, when sometimes knowing how to see when we have to leave and say goodbye, is the greatest of victories To stay where we are no longer happy or where we are not loved is to prolong the agony.
Learn to tell others how far they can enter our personal space. Knowing how to say “that’s it,” “that’s enough,” and above all, learning to say “no,” without entailing feelings of guilt.
28. Appreciate the present
Learn to live in the here and now, since it is the only thing that really exists. We cannot change the past and the future may never arrive and spending the day in one or the other makes us lose what truly matters: what is happening.
29. Manage fears
Understanding that being afraid is normal and adaptive, but letting ourselves be paralyzed by it takes away our freedom and makes us live a life that we do not want to live. The fear of the unknown, of failing, of change, of loneliness makes us stay without moving to a place where we are not really being happy
30. Don’t insist on going as far as you can’t
As much as we want to, sometimes we have to be aware that there are things, situations or people with which we cannot do more.
31. Expectations
On numerous occasions we believe that others have certain characteristics that we have given them and that they have to act that way. When this doesn’t happen, we feel disappointed. One source of liberation is accepting others as they are.
32. Say what we think or feel
Everything that we keep silent about and that hurts, stays inside, accumulates, and ends up exploding in some way that stains everything in the form of: depression, anxiety, etc. Therefore, It is necessary to be able to defend ourselves against injustices express our opinion or what we are feeling.
33. Know how to accept no
Understand that not everyone has to be at our disposal and that as free beings we all have the right to be able to say no. And this goes in all directions. Many times, it is difficult for us to understand that they reject us, we feel hurt and we engage in an internal struggle to be able to accept it. Accept the decisions of others, even if they are not what we want is another way to show respect.
34. Know that you cannot always be happy
Happiness is not something we can always control. Sometimes, you have to suffer. Life throws us situations that we might never want to experience, but that’s what we have to do. Therefore, understanding that sometimes, there is no choice but to learn to manage negative emotions, makes it easier for us to deal with bad times in the best way possible
Knowing that they will pass, just like the good ones (that is why it is recommended that when we are well, we are aware that we are so we can enjoy it as much as possible). And try to develop resilience (ability to emerge stronger from adverse situations).
35. Don’t put others before
Believing that others are more important than us, always thinking about how to please others, leaving ourselves in the background, feeling guilty when we think about ourselves because we think someone might find it bad, giving explanations to everyone about what we do or we stop doing things by giving them power over our lives and allowing them to get into our intimacy and privacy makes our self-esteem shrink.
36. Do not leave our happiness in other people’s hands
Believing that we will be happy when someone listens to us, for example. Without understanding that happiness is not outside, but inside. Obviously, I will be better off if I achieve the things I want to achieve, but thinking that others are responsible for me being better makes me forget about it.
37. Not focusing on what you lack instead of what you have
Compare ourselves, almost always losing. Never be satisfied. Not allowing ourselves to enjoy what surrounds us, because we look for what is not there
Learn to take care of yourself
I advise, from time to time, to review the list to see in which aspects we have improved and in which we still have work to do. And expand it with anything that comes to mind that is taking away our freedom.
