4 Mistakes That Parents Make When Their Children Disobey
Anyone who has taken care of boys or girls knows that, in some ways, they can be like a ticking time bomb. “Bad” behavior and tantrums are an element that can appear with astonishing frequency; In most cases, The strange thing is that the little ones stick to the rules that we set for them not the opposite.
However, if boys and girls have an almost natural tendency to disregard the rules, parents have not developed an innate, intuition-based skill that allows them to deal with this. They must learn from their experience to achieve this and pay close attention to what strategies they use to stop their sons or daughters’ bad behavior.
Unfortunately, in this process of learning as we go, a series of very frequent errors appear that are completely avoidable. In most cases, detecting and eliminating them costs time and effort, so if you want to save yourself the trouble you can always read the following: The most frequent mistakes that fathers and mothers make when their children disobey
during childhood Ideas as abstract as civility, perseverance, or long-term plans mean nothing Sigmund Freud said that this reflected the nature of the Id, one of the three psychic structures that according to him operated in the back room of the minds of human beings. However, apart from psychoanalysis, this phenomenon has a scientifically explained reason: your frontal lobes are not so connected with the rest of the brain as to make your decisions go much further than the here and now.
In fact, during the first months of life, babies have serious difficulties when it comes to “disengaging” their attention from the first thing they see, even though they sense that there is something more important next to them that they are not looking at. As the neurons in the child’s brain become more connected to each other, forming the so-called white matter, the ability to direct one’s actions towards long-term goals is improving but this is a gradual process that does not culminate until well into adolescence.
Therefore, what fathers and mothers should aim for is to adapt to the mentality of their sons and daughters and create coexistence strategies that are not toxic for both sides. Let’s see what the most frequent mistakes are when managing children’s disobedience at home.
1. Demonstrations of power
One of the traps that fathers and mothers fall into is taking disobedience as a direct challenge to their authority, something that must be managed as if it were a game of military intimidation.
Just because a boy or girl does not comply with the rules does not mean that they do so to challenge In fact, it is most likely that his actions are simply a consequence of him not taking those rules into account, that he forgets them. This is very common, since many times rules of behavior that seem like common sense to us are, in their eyes, meaningless, something that is not understood and that, consequently, they do not manage to memorize.
Thus, to avoid this error, we must first make sure whether we are dealing with a case of “disobedience” or, rather, simple “non-obedience.” If it is the latter, efforts must be made to make the son or daughter understand the logic behind the rule.
Seeing how a child yells and verbally attacks us for a rule he doesn’t like can make us fall into the temptation of doing basically the same thing: getting angry and fighting back. But in these cases this It’s nothing more than fighting fire with more fire and it only serves to give two people a stressful and unpleasant time.
If this tantrum leads to punishment, which is very common, we must keep in mind that this punishment will not be interpreted as anything other than an extension of the tantrum of the father or mother. That is: the reason for the punishment will be personal satisfaction related to what the adult feels in the here and now, nothing more.
That is why children who receive punishments constantly develop resentment and frustration, something that in no case leads them to behave better, but rather to behave worse in a better way, without receiving the punishments.
3. Give in
Giving in when children refuse to follow certain rules is always counterproductive, since it is an act that speaks for itself and whose message is “disobeying works” That is, we begin to believe that following the rules is optional and, by extension, the rules are useless. They are simply an annoying obstacle to avoid, since they are present or you will not be able to do what you want.
4. Make it look like nothing has happened
This error is similar to the previous one, but with a nuance. While if we give in we are implying that the norm is eliminated and no longer counts, by ignoring the transgression of the norm we introduce a good helping of ambiguity into the situation. Does the father or mother not act because he has not realized that he has disobeyed, or has he realized it and has not considered that it is important? The feeling of inattention and that what you do does not matter to anyone is very negative, although this option is the most comfortable in the short term for the adult : simply avoid getting into trouble
Thus, disobedience must always have a consequence, even if this is the reformulation of the rules to find a better balance between both interests. Negotiation can be very positive, since it is a way to demonstrate the idea that the needs and concerns of the sons and daughters are taken into account and respected
