Managing emotions is one of the difficulties that today’s society most frequently faces. In addition to anxiety or sadness, anger is one of the instinctive and universal emotions that most interferes with personal well-being.
Let’s see how dismantling a series of beliefs about anger management It can allow the individual to cope more effectively with situations that may lead to reactions of this nature.
The expression of anger in an uncontrolled manner can cause significant harm in different areas of our personal lives.
1. Deterioration of interpersonal relationships
It seems that we show more instinctive reactions of anger with the people in our closest environment (family, friends and co-workers), that is, we The most significant personal relationships are usually the most damaged.
2. Aggravation of the conflict
Usually, when trying to talk to another person when the level of anger is intense, the exchanges are not constructive since At that moment it is the emotional part of the brain that is dominating the individual’s response (to the detriment of the more rational brain).
3. Facilitation of violent functioning of the person
Responses manifested from anger are frequently associated with the expression of violent behavior and aggression (verbal or physical) towards others. Thus, when anger dominates the psychological state of the subject the instinctive desire to hit, shout, threaten is greaterbreaking objects, etc.
4. Predisposition and greater proportion in the appearance of diseases
From research in the area of health psychology, the personality called Type A (hostile, irritable functioning and with high levels of stress) is associated with a high propensity to suffer cardiovascular accidents.
5. Personal emotional instability
A marked difficulty in anger management can lead to dysfunctional psychological states such as depression, anxiety disorders or long-standing feelings of insecurity, guilt, low self-esteem, low tolerance for frustration, etc.
Myths about anger management
Here are some misconceptions about anger management:
1. Anger decreases if it is expressed openly
It is true that anger must be channeled in some way because, otherwise, its unlimited accumulation and sustained over time can lead the person to the appearance of the consequences set out in the previous section.
However, This channeling should not be through your active expressionsince it has already been observed that functioning based on this emotion leads to an internalized attitude of responding in this way to any situation, regardless of whether it is irrelevant or very important for the individual.
2. Fleeing or avoiding the problematic situation lowers the level of anger
Being a strategy usually known as “time out,” the person is sometimes recommended not to expose themselves to situations that can trigger this type of reaction.
It is true that, as stated above, trying to have an assertive conversation to facilitate conflict resolution when you are very upset is usually not effective or useful. Therefore, at first, the person may postpone coping of the situation for a limited time, as long as once the reflection process has been carried out (which allows a more rational, empathetic and understanding analysis) the pending issue is resolved again in a calm and assertive manner.
This idea is, in addition to being false, very dangerous since it transmits the message to the people around you (even more so in the case of minors) that this is the methodology that must be followed as a way to obtain what one proposes: the imposition, the generation of fear of the other, the non-dialogue, and ultimately the contempt for the dissenting party.
All these values do not report one’s own emotional well-being at all. On the other hand, it is false because usually, taking into account the different styles of communication and behavioral functioning (aggressive, passive and assertive style), the person who uses anger (aggressive profile) You may encounter an oppositional response to your behavior (if you have another aggressive person in front of you – dysfunctional opposition – or assertive – functional opposition -).
4. Analysis of personal past history combats anger
Studying the individual psychological development of the person can be useful to understand the factors that have led to the current functioning and attitudinal style of the individual in question.
Even so, from the point of view of one of the psychological currents with the most empirical support, the cognitive-behavioral current, it is the elements of the present (personal, environmental and their interaction) that mainly determine the behavior of the human being.
The so-called “functional analysis” of the individual and the responses that he or she emits in certain situations It will be much more useful to know what aspects are precipitating, maintaining or aggravating angry behavior. The latter are the ones that can be influenced to achieve real behavior modification.
5. External events are the only causes of individual anger
Taking into account what was stated in the previous point, the external elements that appear in situations in which the person manifests angry reactions must be taken into account in the same way that internal or personal factors must be considered. REBT, or Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy by Albert Ellis, defends the deep analysis and questioning of a series of core beliefs that the person has regarding themselves, the environment and the world in general (irrational beliefs) that are preventing the application of a more logical, rational and realistic interpretation of the situations to which the individual is exposed.
Therefore, a fundamental element in the level of emotional affectation produced by everything that happens to the person on a daily basis is given by the cognitive interpretation of the situation, and not the situation itself.
In short, it is understood that when faced with unpleasant events, the person can work and modify their own perspective regarding these events, the result of which will have an impact on the appearance of a more adaptive state of mind.
Learning to manage emotions
As has been observed, it seems that adequate anger management is essential to prevent a series of consequences that can compromise both our physical and psychological health.
From the argument about the erroneousness of the five premises presented regarding the management of anger maintained over time, a more extensive knowledge can be reached about what the alternative forms of more adaptive management of this type of disabling emotion may be.
