5 Communication Failures That Do Not Allow Happy Relationships As A Couple
When you look closely at how human interaction occurs, and that in this process of relating to each other satisfaction and happiness is produced for everyone, it is quite paradoxical that, being an objective that is clear enough, it cannot be achieved.
When it comes to analyze failed relationships , for some it is quite an odyssey, since they not only fail on the first attempt but also on the following ones. And in the face of these setbacks, instead of motivating themselves to look for the true reasons for their breakup, they rather dedicate themselves to finding culprits in order to justify their failures.
Some elements must be considered when it comes to delving into this type of sources of discomfort, and among them are the wrong ways of communicating, non-respect for prior agreements, incorrect individuation processes, infidelity, drug addiction, alcoholism. or gambling, physical or verbal aggression, assuming wrong roles…
I am going to focus in this article on the issue of communication failures in the relationship not to downplay the importance of the others mentioned above, which are also causes of love breakups, but because of the relevance that this has, because it is one of the most addressed in therapy processes.
The basis of success or failure in a relationship is directly related to the way you express what you think and feel It is what defines the relationship.
Scholars on the subject have made great contributions, especially since The Theory of Human Communication, generated by Watzlawick, Beavin and Jackson.
In the analysis of this theory, some compendia appear that are important and that must be considered. The first of them is known as Communication Axiom where it is explained that in all human interaction “it is impossible not to communicate.”
We are always communicating whether verbally or non-verbally. In verbal communication you say what you are thinking and feeling , although there may be information concealment; In non-verbal, body posture can give clues to what is going through the interlocutor’s mind, and on many occasions it can be too evident even if it is not expressed in words.
For example, if you are feeling angry or resentful when you are having a difference of opinion with someone, verbally you may lose control and use words that may hurt the other person. If you use non-verbal language, frowning or crossing your arms or blushing could mean that you don’t agree with what you’re hearing, even if you don’t say a word.
It is also important to take into account that everything you say or do will be influenced by emotions such as anger, impatience, pride, frustration… which will directly and negatively affect the result of that interaction. .
Below I explain the different scenarios that can occur in the couple’s communicative interaction.
1. When you suffer from “psychological deafness”
This alteration attacks both men and women, although from my experience in therapeutic processes, it is men who carry the flag. This is because, in many cases, they very infrequently listen carefully to their partner’s communicative intention because they don’t give it the importance it really has.
This failure occurs when you maintain an apparent silence even though internally an emotional volcano is being generated inside you , which sooner or later is going to explode. It is not a good idea to remain silent when you have to talk, because the other person could mistakenly believe that you are right.
It happens when you do not speak because you have no way to defend yourself, and not because you are not right, but because you feel defenseless in the face of the arguments or attitude of the partner.
When this happens, it is because you have adopted a submissive role that is detrimental to your self-esteem coming to believe you, that your opinion is not worth it.
3. When you do not control yourself and allow all your anger, frustration or discomfort to come out in that moment
…Taking attitudes that can physically or emotionally harm the other person Violent attitudes or words generate violence. Remember that it takes two to fight.
4. When you assume that the responsibility is yours
When the arguments raised They make you believe on many occasions that you have full responsibility for what is happening because that’s how your partner makes you feel.
5. When you communicate in one way
That is, you are firmly convinced that you are absolutely right, and the other person is not allowed to return what they have understood of the content of the message
What to do then?
The formation of humans never ends; therefore, You should not believe that you already know everything based on interpersonal relationships where the most important thing is involved, which is the way we communicate.
It is essential to first recognize how we are psychologically shaped to be aware of the interpretative mechanisms of our reality, which mistranslate events, sending an internal message that becomes an obstacle preventing clear and open communication.
Learning to manage thoughts and emotions requires training, which will help the person develop the ability to know themselves in order to realize the difficulty you have when trying to express what you think and feel.
It is essential to know the reason why you are stuck in a wrong way of interpreting what is happening around you, because that is where communication disruptions occur.
