5 Reasons Why I Don’t Get Over My Ex-partner After The Breakup
Ending a romantic relationship can be one of the most painful processes to experience. When a relationship ends, we not only have to prepare the loss of this person, but there are also dreams, hopes and projects that disappear with them. Being well again is not just a matter of time, but it is important to develop a grieving process in a healthy way.
Many people believe that after this they will never be able to be happy again or that they will always feel alone. We must not obsess over this, we must allow ourselves time to accept all the changes of our new situation. Our day to day life will not be the same and life goes on.
Whether the decision to break up was yours or not, it involves experiencing many sensations, emotions and thoughts. Some of the consequences may be feelings of emptiness, obsessive thoughts, not being able to stop talking to him/her, not being able to concentrate on other important aspects of our life, feeling intense anger, feeling intense sadness or suffering from anxiety. Do not misunderstand, In the first moments of the breakup it is normal to feel this way our brain is used to having that person nearby and suddenly they are no longer there, but little by little we must manage what happens to us to get out of there and rebuild our life in an adaptive way.
Sometimes we block ourselves, telling ourselves that we must be okay, continue As if nothing had happened. It is important to accept the emotions and sensations that flood us. It is normal that we continue to feel things for our partner. We may have been together for a long time and everything we have felt doesn’t disappear overnight.
Sharing how we feel with our loved ones helps in this process of turning the page. The fact of leaning on others allows us to relieve the emotional burden and not sink into what we feel without seeing any way out.
2. You do not cut contact with that person
As we mentioned before, this person is someone you have loved and possibly still love at this moment, but these feelings do not disappear if we continue to maintain contact, so it is difficult to forget and remake our life. It may sound harsh, but yes. Take distance, without contact at first and learn to relate differently later. Of course, this distance will not be the same between two people who have children in common and people who have nothing that continues to unite them, for example.
You will have been through a lot together, you will have memories and you may think “what’s wrong with a talk?” I’m sorry to tell you that yes, this simple talk can hurt you or that person. Right now you have to mourn, that is, a process similar to the one we experience when a loved one dies, although in this case what dies is a relationship. The person is still alive, but if we always have them within our reach, we will never get over the fact that we are no longer together.
First locate yourself again in the world, the things you like, your projects or assuming responsibilities that you placed in the other person, among other things. Afterwards, with respect and affection, you can have a friendly relationship with the other person if you wish.
3. You have very present objects and places that remind you of it
Objects and places have the power to evoke emotions or memories, which provoke those emotions in us. The first gift he gave or the detail of that book that you wanted so much to have can be harmful in the first moments. If it hurts you, keep it, give it away or throw it away.
What if I give it back to you? It may seem like a good idea so that the other person does not lose that memory or because we feel the need for that time or money that he invested not to be in vain. But have your exes ever returned a gift to you? It may be something painful or aggressive for the other person, we do not know how he or she is grieving.
4. You idolize him
Perhaps, by distancing ourselves, we also distance ourselves from the bad, eliminate the coexistence that was damaged and good memories come back. We remember what we liked about that person and forget what led us to the breakup.
You may have believed that you were going to take on the world alone and that your problems would be solved, only to find that those expectations were false. Not all our problems are due to a relationship, life is full of challenges to overcome. Doubting decisions is totally normal, there is no 100% correct decision and these expectations that are not met can lead us to it.
You may feel that you are worth less and that that person was all that was valuable to you. What have you achieved in your life? Your studies, the challenges overcome, those dance courses that you didn’t think you would be able to do, playing an instrument, improving your relationship with your loved ones, getting ahead with your problems,… Make a list of what they are your achievements. You have achieved all this, you are a valuable person that you will not forget.
5. You jump into another relationship immediately
Right now you need to take care of yourself, pamper yourself and assume forgotten roles. If we start a relationship with another person it is something beautiful, but we will be forgetting all this, when we need to discover ourselves and carry out that grieving process. When starting a relationship, we may begin to forget about ourselves in some aspects and focus on another person.
Conclusion
If you have been breaking up with your partner for some time and you have felt identified with these difficulties, you may not be handling your grief in the best way.
It is advisable to attend psychology sessions such as those offered at the center PsychoAlmería both in person and online. Thus, you will be able to take control of your life again, reduce conflicts with your ex and manage all inappropriate thoughts and consequences.
