Sometimes, inadequate or ineffective communication with our partner leads to misunderstandings and repeated arguments. How to improve communication with your partner?
In a couple there are two of us: two people with different values, different learnings… and it may also be that with different ways of communicating and say things. What is “normal” for one person may be “offensive” for another. Knowing our partner and learning to communicate effectively will resolve many misunderstandings and allow us to enjoy our relationship.
The misunderstandings They generate a lot of discomfort and, little by little, that discomfort accumulates and generates resentment, anger… very negative emotions so that our relationship is healthy and brings us well-being.
Characteristics of poor communication as a couple
Many times, learn how to communicate with our partner effectively, expressing ourselves in an assertive way and without blaming, can resolve many of these misunderstandings or conflicts.
Ineffective communication causes:
that the conflicts They continue over time and are not resolved.
that the wrong ideas regarding the other remain unresolved.
That barrier or mistrust is getting bigger and bigger.
I have developed these 5 steps to help make communication effective and lead us to resolve difficulties:
1. Before you communicate, is your partner receptive to talking?
It is important to choose the appropriate time and be clear that he has space and time to listen to you and show interest. If you sense that it’s not the time or you don’t know when it will be, you can say something like “I would like to talk to you… tell me when you have a moment.”
2. Think about what you will say
We have to take care of the words we use and take into account those words that we know are difficult for our partner to manage. For example, if in previous discussions you have seen that certain words bother your partner… you can try to avoid them to improve communication.
3. When you communicate, avoid drama
Sometimes we talk to others blaming them, blaming them for what happens to us and even placing ourselves as a victim. Avoid victimhood and drama are never good messengers of effective and clear communication.
4. Give your partner space to communicate and express themselves
Maybe you spend minutes or even hours thinking about what you will say… but the recipient of your words also needs time to respond. It is important give him space so I can think about it, and that doesn’t mean I don’t want to respond to you.
5. You must be willing to negotiate
The negotiation It’s fundamental. In a couple there are two of you and many arguments are caused by “wanting to be right.” As a couple, we are both right, but it is necessary to find a middle ground that makes us feel comfortable and have good communication. Just by communicating, your partner will not do what you ask. You can always use a message like “I would like… for your part. And what can I change?”
If these guidelines are not sufficient, you will not get resolve misunderstandings or arguments or they are increasingly common in your relationship and you want to improve it, couples therapy can help you.
