5 Steps To Love Yourself When You Suffer From Relationship Problems
Many people come to my coaching consultation because they have problems with their partner. They are not happy and they don’t know what to do.
They believe that their partner does not love them, they live hooked (codependent) and suffer. They despair when they believe that love or approval must come from outside (through their partner) and it does not come exactly as they would like. They live with frustration, anxiety, possessiveness, jealousy, etc.
The relationship becomes toxic when you expect love to come only from your partner Your partner can show you more or less affection, affection and listening, but what you cannot expect is for your partner to fill your heart.
No one can fill the heart but you. You must learn to recognize that there is love within you. Self-esteem happens when you realize that love is within you, or rather, it is your essence.
When you discover that you are love, then you give love to all beings (and not just your partner), because love is the perfume that your soul gives off, who you really are. Love is not something you have to do, it is your identity. AND When you learn to live from your deepest identity, then you give without expecting anything in return and you can have a healthy relationship.
I said a “healthy relationship” and not “happy.” This means that your relationship will be based on acceptance of the other (without wanting to change them). You will not look for happiness in the relationship, but you will find it within yourself, and What the relationship will do is amplify what you have found within
Self-esteem is recognizing or realizing that you are already a complete being and you lack nothing because when you live from love, you lack nothing. Self-esteem goes beyond what you think or can think of yourself It’s not your self-image.
Self-esteem is who you are before you even think anything about yourself. It is the ultimate substrate of your reality and coincides with the substrate of everything created. It is the consciousness that is in you and in everyone. To be aware of being one with love, which is the essence of everything, is to live with self-esteem.
And why do we look for love outside of ourselves?
Due to mental confusion. We have believed we are something we are not We have identified with what our mind tells us we are. We have believed that we are an “I” that has a body and thoughts. But without realizing that that “I” is actually a thought that can be observed.
And in truth, We are nothing that we can observe or think We are the space where our thoughts appear and disappear. But we have become confused (due to a lack of clarity or awareness) and we have believed that we are one of those thoughts that we observe: a thought that has cultivated a story around it and that believes itself to be the protagonist of our lives.
We call that thought ego or “I”. That “I” character by definition is devoid of love and lives from fear, because to exist it needs “you” or “another” (who is unknown to it).
The ego lives believing that it is separate from all reality. The “I” bases its existence on duality where there are many “others”. The “I” cannot exist without feeling isolated or separated, and therefore, it desperately seeks to complete itself And the most direct way to complete oneself is by seeking love through a “partner.”
What the “I” does not know is that no matter how many partners it has, the “I” will never feel complete. The “I” by definition is the illusion of separation from reality, from what you really are (love). In other words, No matter how many partners you have, your “I” will always feel that something is missing and will never be satisfied
How to solve a problem that until now you blamed on your partner?
You cannot solve a problem from the same level where it was created (the “I”). The solution is not to get your partner to change. Nor is it about changing your “I” for another “I”. The problem is ignorance and the solution is to open your eyes to your true face. The problem is that You have believed yourself to be a character who perceives himself as separated from his partner and lives drowned in a sea of fear and emotions
The ego is like a wave that believes itself to be separate from the other waves. But in truth, you are not the wave, you are the entire ocean manifested through all the waves. You are not the ego, you are the same consciousness that lives within you and your partner and everything. Deep down, you are the partner you are looking for, and your partner is another version of you. The couple is a mirror where you can see yourself reflected.
Trying to change your partner is like trying to change what you see in a mirror. The couple only changes when you learn to look with different eyes When you stop looking for love in your partner and find it within yourself, your partner reflects the love you have found to you. The relationship problem is therefore resolved when you recognize the love that has always lived within you.
Below, I’m going to take 5 steps to open yourself up to the true and only love of your life (and that’s you).
1. Focus your thinking on your highest center
To begin to recognize your essence, your true identity (beyond the “I”), it is important that you have faith in yourself, that is, in your true Being or essence. Faith in yourself is what will make you go, little by little, transforming like a larva transforms into a butterfly. Therefore focus your thoughts on the highest thing you can conceive within yourself : eternal love, eternal wisdom, eternal truth. Those are the 3 essential qualities of your true Self.
As Master Omraam Mikhaël Aïvanhov said, if you imagine a fruit and see how to interpret skin, pulp and stone; skin, which surrounds and protects the fruit, corresponds to the physical plane; pulp, where life currents circulate, corresponds to the psychic world; and bone, which ensures the reproduction of the fruit, corresponds to the spiritual world.
If transposed to the spiritual life, the skin of the fruit is the wisdom that protects, retains and preserves; The pulp is the love that is eaten and maintains life and, as for the bone that we plant, it represents the truth because only what is true perpetuates life.
Remember that, deep down, you are the ocean (love) expressing itself in the form of a wave (human). Love is you without identifying with your ego. Your ego is the only thing that separates you from your essence. You shouldn’t change anything, you simply have to learn to see yourself with different eyes. And to see, you first need to believe or have faith. Put it into practice and you will see. Cultivate faith in yourself as a being of love, wisdom and truth that does not change, or simply put, a being of pure “love.”
2. Take care of your temple (the body)
In order to recognize your perfect and complete being, it will help you to have a healthy and vital body. It’s hard to connect with love if your body is suffering. The body is the temple that you created to be able to live in this earthly dimension. It’s the spacesuit of your soul. If your body is not well, the spirit of love that you are, It is difficult for you to recognize who you are beyond your body
3. Calm the mind
In order to recognize your essence, you must calm your mind. This is what is called “meditating.” But few people can meditate because there is a lot of chaos in their mind. That’s why it’s important to learn how to undo chaos before sitting down to meditate. I recommend the meditation from chaos to calm that you can find on my website. It lasts 10 minutes and has two phases: the first (5 minutes) consists of expressing all the chaos (or madness) that is inside you.
But you must express it by making sounds like (blablbablabajaajasda asfa papfa afsw awwaga akkra rkkla pppara fa a) that is, you say things without meaning. You must release your madness and without putting words to it, just sounds without any meaning. And when you finish this chaotic and intense phase, then will come 5 minutes of calm. In this second phase you just have to breathe and observe what you feel This phase is for you to learn to become familiar with the calm that exists when there is no mental noise (or chaos) left in the mind.
4. Prepare contact with your essence
Once our body is healthy and vital and our mind is calm, we can go one step further inward. AND we will use the breath as the bridge to enter ourselves I am going to share with you one of the exercises that I recommend to my coaching clients. It is inspired by the teachings of Omraam Mikhaël Aïvanhov and is an exercise that brings enormous benefits to your psyche and nervous system. It should be done on an empty stomach (minimum 5 hours after eating) and the instructions are:
If you want to take this exercise to the next level, every time you inhale imagine that you are drinking Love or Light and make yourself small as if you were the point of a circle. Each time you hold, imagine that Light or Love nourishing all your cells from the inside. And every time you exhale, imagine that you expand that Light to the entire entire Universe.
5. Open your heart
We have already begun to touch the invisible in us with the power of conscious breathing. Now we must enter into the heart, which is where our true identity or essence really resides. And we will do it with the power of song and devotion. You must sing to your essence with devotion, imagining it in the center of your heart as if it were a white, radiant, glorious and warm Light. Sing to that light with your whole body, your mind, your heart and your soul. May your voice fan the flame that lives within you.
Surrender to your luminous center. Offer him your best song. Feel what you say. Feel passion, gratitude and devotion towards yourself, towards the purest and most sacred thing that lives in your heart. And if you want to say a few words, I especially like these:
“I love your Wisdom; I have Faith in your Love; I trust in your Power. I give myself to You so that I can serve You.” That is, surrender your ego to the Love that you are in essence. That total surrender to the purest and most luminous part of your interior acts like water so that you flourish in Love.
As you feed that flame that lives in the secret chamber of your heart, you will begin to remember who you are. And as you awaken to your authentic divine nature (Love), your way of relating to the world and others will transform. There will be people who will not tolerate your new identity (an identity that does not fear) and will distance themselves from you because they will not tolerate you being free and powerful, and there will be souls who will approach you to share their love.
In conclusion
In short: if you want to get out of a toxic relationship, go inside yourself and regain contact with your internal partner (the light inside you that is pure love). Only by making that internal change can you expect real external changes. It is not by changing your partner that you are really going to solve your problem but by expanding the perception you have of yourself first.
Stop living from the “I” (who is afraid and seeks security by becoming attached to a partner) and discover what you are, have always been and always will be. You are love and when you live with that consciousness, all problems cease to exist and you live the perfection of the present moment as it is.
