Relationships are a fundamental part of the general well-being that we experience in our lives. And after more than a decade working with couples in different parts of the world, I can be clear about the most common problems we face; such as communication, lack of empathy and lack of emotional honesty; because I myself have experienced them more than once, and they are never easy to handle. That’s why I bring you the 5 best tips to create a healthy relationship
Keep these tips in mind to strengthen the bond as a couple.
1. Communication is the basis of everything
This advice is the basis of any quality emotional relationship, but It is not just any communication, but rather that which honestly expresses what we feel It’s what I call emotional honesty; and this becomes the thorn in the side, because since we were little we were taught to hide our true emotions. For example, when they gave us something that we didn’t like and our parents forced us to smile and say that we liked it, even if this wasn’t true.
And that childhood education and others of that type condition us to bring these bad practices to our relationships; And of course, by not honestly saying what we feel, we do not allow our partner to really know who we are. For love to thrive it needs emotional honesty in order to advance to the next step.
This point has a special value for me, since suffering from ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) and having limited social tools, typical of this condition, it was very difficult to truly communicate my emotional reality; which made it almost impossible to reach the negotiation, which pushed me to fall into a complacent behavior, which although it did not generate greater conflict, frustrated me more and more. And this, in the medium and long term, generated multiple failures in my love life.
It was not until I dedicated myself to my emotional education that I managed to put my conversations at the ideal point to negotiate.
And it is encouraging to know this, since if I, with an atypical neurophysiological condition (I have a brain different from the average) managed to educate it and generate new and more efficient synaptic connections, which allowed me to understand my emotions and manage them, well you, my dear reader , you can also achieve it. So, negotiate It is exposing one’s own position on an issue, listening to our partners, validating that their point is as valid as ours , and at that point look for a win, win. From that 50/50 that benefits both, and without winners or losers, we can move forward towards building a more democratic and equitable relationship.
“Decide how often you want to win the argument at the expense of your peace.” Keep it real, Do you really respect your partner’s needs? Commit to doing it And you will see that sometimes winning is losing.
3. Emotional honesty
Well, I already mentioned this idea before, but it is necessary to make clear its monumental value, so let’s go with some examples that I have experienced myself. About 10 years ago I couldn’t understand my emotions; and this is not only an impediment to resolving conflicts, but it prevents your partner from really getting to know you
For example, I hated it when he left me alone at parties and went dancing with other people, but since I didn’t tell him that the mere fact of being in noisy places, with human groups, in small places generated tremendous emotional discomfort in me. She had no way of knowing, she couldn’t read my mind, and of course, seeing that she didn’t do anything, I got more frustrated, and what she saw was an angry person for no logical reason. This made her angry, and gasoline with fire… creates an explosion.
In this brief history of a conflict, we can glimpse the destructive potential of not communicating our emotions , since, on the one hand, it makes negotiation and the elaboration of agreements impossible; but it prevents your partner from understanding who you really are, and love cannot prosper that way. Express with respect what you feel, what you like and what you don’t, it is the only way to grow as a couple.
4. Set limits
A real and healthy relationship must have clear boundaries, how do I define them? If you have already opened yourself to emotional honesty, you already know that it generates emotional discomfort, which situations are unpleasant and which ones you like; and it is upon this knowledge that you determine which things or situations you can let go, which ones to negotiate, and which ones are not open to negotiation. Remember saying no to your partner doesn’t make you a bad person nor is it your responsibility what the other person feels, as long as it is respectful, no “no” is negative.
Finally, if you do not put into practice, if you do not generate an action plan for the execution of the changes or agreements that you reached with your partner, believe me, it will only postpone a crisis, which could be avoided, just by taking it seriously. what our partner communicates to us. Give the message through actions, that I really care about you And that, dear readers, is what love does.
He communicates, reaches fair agreements, is honest, has clear limits and does what he knows he should do so as not to cause pain to himself or those he loves.
It’s time to sail
Concluding, Building a healthy relationship involves growing as individuals , in order to support the development of the relationship, is not an easy path, and you may discover that you do not have the emotional or psychological resources to successfully complete this task. If that is the case, do not hesitate to seek professional help, 75% of couples who seek therapy resolve their differences; Remember, asking for help is not a sign of weakness, but rather a sign of intelligence and love.
