Insecurity in relationships is much more common than we think. However, heThe predominant culture usually tells us that the sign that we are “really” in love is to feel absolute certainty in our bond That is a false belief that creates a lot of distress.
Furthermore, our mind in charge of our survival classifies external stimuli in binary terms – love or heartbreak, black or white, bad or good, safe or in danger, right or wrong, etc. It is not surprising that the slightest doubt we feel, Let’s take it as an indicator that our partner no longer works I think of examples from clients and myself like, “Why don’t I want it like before? Something is wrong,” “I’m not having fun anymore, has the love faded?”, “I think I don’t admire her anymore, is it love or custom? And like these many more examples.
The truth is that fear, worry, and concern can coexist with love in a relationship. It’s not about this or that, but about this and that. Based on my curiosity about what happens to me and my connection with my most lucid self, I will find the reasons why I feel this way.
The root of our insecurity can have its origins in the fear of abandonment, the overwhelm of closeness or everyday life, the fear of not being up to par with the other, perfectionism, the fear of commitment, as well as the traces that They have left our past relationships. I can think of a client who felt so pressured to look beautiful and witty in the eyes of her boyfriend that she reached a point where she didn’t want to see him anymore. She loved him, but she was so stressed that she preferred to end the relationship. When you were able to relax, self-regulate, value, and show yourself authentically and without shame, you were able to get in touch with your true emotions and rebuild your relationship.
I also think of a client who felt overwhelmed by his partner’s demands to formalize the relationship. The mere idea of getting married caused insomnia and discomfort. In the sessions he told me, “I’m not sure and I don’t want to make a mistake. That makes me more withdrawn around her. The more distance I put, the greater the demands of her and the greater my refusal to take the next step.” Her challenge was not to specify what she proposed, but rather her doubts regarding important decisions in general and her need to have everything under control. We had to remove many layers so that he could trust himself and discern. Little by little, he has begun to enjoy the process of coexistence and stop having that unhealthy fixation on the result of your union.
Manifestation of doubts and fear
So if you feel doubts in your relationship, remember that they are normal. These can manifest themselves in various ways. Some people may become overly jealous, while others may become more sullen and isolated. Some people can become eloquent critics of their partner and even of themselves, while others may have difficulty expressing their feelings and communicating their needs. There are those who will try to sabotage what they have, while others will live waiting for the relationship to last.
Behind every symptom of insecurity, there is a story to unpack, beliefs to challenge, and a new story to write.
What to do to face doubts in a relationship?
Some ideas on how to manage doubts and worry in our relationship:
These illuminate the places where we have to work, but they are not literal We may feel colder, but that is not an indicator that intimacy has faded. When faced with an emotion, the invitation is to pause, to get in touch with our sensations, to improve our energy, and once there, be curious about what is happening to us to see how we respond.
2. Practice self-compassion
When we find ourselves in the grip of anxiety and doubt, it’s important to validate how difficult it is, remember that it’s human, and that we will be okay. Above all things, It is essential to treat ourselves with a lot of love
3. Communicate with our partner from an adult and responsible place
For this, it is essential to avoid both victimization and accusation. Simply share your feelings and listen to what your partner has to say.
4. Remember that worry comes from within us
It is easy to think that our partner is the reason for all our problems. However, those emotions belong to us and It is our responsibility to work on them
5. Practice conscious self-care
Design each day’s actions with the intention of living with more calm, more enthusiasm for life, and greater vitality. Mindfulness, for example, is excellent because it helps us manage stress, cope with difficulties, and reduce the impact of strong emotions.
Relationships can be wonderful and complicated at the same time
The illusion is that we have to feel an unshakeable certainty all the time. love is an art, as Erich Fromm says. This requires our movement, our continuous learning, and our commitment to both our inner work and our partner. Also remember that you can always ask for professional help to manage your doubts.
