5 Ways To Stop Sabotaging Ourselves With Resistance To Change
The resistance to change, improve, and undertake is subtle and elusive When my clients tell me that they spend their time putting off important tasks or that they feel blocked from starting certain tasks, the first thing I write down is the word “resistance.”
But… What is resistance? It is a blockage of energy, it is the opposite of flow, it is an invisible ditch that prevents us from crossing from the place where we are to the place where we will be more self-realized.
As I write this I think about myself and my relationship with resistance to physical exercise. It has always been difficult for me to play sports and, on top of that, I have the feeling that it takes time for my thousands of commitments. A few months ago I had a sprained ankle that was the perfect excuse to abandon any type of muscular effort, even that of all those parts of my body that were in perfect functioning. Even with all my training in emotions, I couldn’t detect that what was dominating me was resistance.
I convinced myself by telling myself that the sprain had been a sign to rest and catch up on my things. I decided to take refuge in what is easiest for me – my intellectual activity. However, the body is our great ally and suddenly, I began to experience great pain in my back and waist, which invited me to wonder what could be happening to me on an emotional level.
Why do we choose resistance if it does not benefit us?
We resist changes because they scare us Even in the simple example about me, my fear was losing control of my responsibilities. More subconsciously than consciously, we fear not being able to do things perfectly.
We are too lazy to push beyond the known to discover new ideas or implement new habits. We convince ourselves that we cannot change because we become obsessed with all kinds of limiting beliefs that prevent us from seeing beyond our problems. We identify with thoughts that tell us that we are not or do not have what it takes to undertake. We are more comfortable living on autopilot than feeling the emotions that come with taking breaks and examining our inner world.
This reminds me of the phrase “better evil known than good unknown.” Resistance contains a very rigid view of life: If I change what I have it will go badly for me. In that place there are no nuances, possibilities, or movement. It is a very contracted way of living and has a very binary view that whispers to us that the new is bad and the known is good.
Important reminder for working with resistance
If we discover that we are resisting a change and become angry, ashamed, or self-flagellating, it will be like throwing fuel on the fire. It is easier to understand this when we see it in another. Think of a child who always puts off schoolwork until later. If his parents scold him and tell him all kinds of things that embarrass him, he will feel defeated and will begin to “self-criticize” with thoughts like, “You are lazy, others can do it and you can’t, that’s all you have.” what to do”, etc. Instead of giving ourselves that little push to carry out what we want, we will feel so overwhelmed that we will remain immobile.
To resistance, like to all our feelings and emotions, you have to treat it with self-compassion Phrases like “I see what you are feeling, I know what you are struggling with, I understand you, let’s take one step at a time” can help us make radical changes. Neuroscientifically speaking, there are also reasons to refuse to act in our favor. When our brain becomes stressed, fights, flees, or freezes, all three actions are examples of resistance. These mechanisms do not benefit us but they are natural. However, it will be our tolerance for the unknown that will help us grow and move on to our new evolutionary stage.
How can we detect resistance in our own lives?
These are quite common places that point to it:
What can we do to overcome our resistance to change?
As I said before, the first thing is to accept that it is a defense mechanism that, although it does not favor us, prevents us from exposing ourselves to the unknown, stressing ourselves out with too many things, and leaving our comfort zone. The main thing is to remain equanimous and with curiosity try:
Start the changes slowly, respecting our times, but starting.
Take one step at a time. Subdivide tasks. Avoid implementing too many things at the same time.
Prepare for obstacles that may come your way and think about what to do about them.
Always keep in mind our mission, the “why” we are carrying out our change.
Talk about our desires, look for someone who supports us and motivates us. If the resistance is too great, please ask for professional help.
Above all, ask yourself: “What will my life be like in a year if I continue to resist change?” And then ask yourself the same question again in five years and ten years. Honestly visualize your answers. You will see how you ultimately choose growth over stagnation.
