Divorce is an experience unlike any other; In fact, many of the people who go to the psychologist because of the difficulties of managing it point out that they have no references to know what to do.
It is normal that this is the case: getting divorced usually goes hand in hand with both frustration and a feeling of regression or at least stagnation in one’s life trajectory, although these types of feelings do not faithfully reflect reality and are caused by a distortionist and pessimistic perspective. of the person getting divorced. For this reason, it is common for doubts to mix, on the one hand, and sadness, on the other (although there are always exceptions and it is perfectly possible to see this situation as an improvement and a reason to rejoice, of course).
However, There are ways to go through divorce better than others, and some of them even contribute to the bad situation, in the chaos of existing, passing relatively quickly In this article we will see some of the most important ones.
These are some tips and guidelines to properly handle a divorce process, both in terms of managing emotions and in terms of communication and behavioral strategies.
Divorce is, above all, the expression of a previously deteriorated relationship.
It is not so much what breaks the marriage, but rather the consequence of a crisis that has brought that relationship to an end If you look at it that way, you’re less likely to end up in a state of psychological rumination, mulling thoughts of guilt or doubt about whether you’re doing the right thing; Even if you get some things wrong, those mistakes probably won’t matter that much.
2. If you have children in common, focus on them
Putting the focus on your child or children, if you have them, is important, first of all, because Their well-being must be the priority if they are children or adolescents: They are in a stage of life in which they are emotionally very vulnerable. Therefore, you should not let possible conflicts between you lead you to a situation of negligence when it comes to raising and educating them, providing them not only with the material support they need but also with affection and emotional elements.
But on the other hand, Doing this will also be emotionally beneficial for you, adults who divorce. Looking out for your son or daughter’s interest creates a relationship framework in which even if the marriage has come to an end, you have something in common on which bridges can be built. This way you will be less likely to be very “defensive” when dealing with each other.
3. Don’t speak badly about your ex-partner
If you do, you will not only be harming that person, but you will make it easier for the social circles with which you usually interact to expect you to adopt a hostile mentality towards your divorce and this will encourage you to do so to meet those expectations.
Furthermore, it is very likely that in one way or another those bad words will reach your ex-partner’s ears, contributing to the conflict becoming bigger and bigger due to the snowball effect.
4. Don’t assume that it is a stage of your life
Divorce is in any case the final stage of marriage as an entity regulated by law, but it does not have to be a phase of your life, that is, a stage that permeates everything you say and do during those days and weeks. Aside from that process, there are many other activities that may have nothing to do with it. And above all, don’t feel bad if you think that your divorce doesn’t make you feel as bad as you see it making other people feel: there is no right or wrong way to feel about getting divorced.
5. If you need it, vent by talking to someone
In most cases, Putting into words what we feel when we feel emotionally bad helps us overcome what happens to us Therefore, do not be afraid to seek help from friends, family, support groups of people who are going through similar situations, etc.
6. If you need it, seek professional help
Feeling bad about getting divorced is not a psychological disorder, but it is still It may be a perfectly valid reason to seek psychological help from the hand of professionals.
Are you interested in receiving professional psychological support?
The process of going through divorce is an experience that overwhelms many people, and therefore, it is normal to resort to psychological assistance services in cases like this. If this is your case and you are considering going to a psychologist, I invite you to contact me I am an expert psychologist in the cognitive-behavioral model and I provide care in person in Madrid and through online sessions by video call.
