Couples therapy is an area of work that lends itself to many erroneous beliefs, for several reasons. On the one hand, series, films and audiovisual media in general have come to caricature this discipline to the point of turning it into something unrecognizable. On the other hand, it often creates confusion for couples to go to experts who in theory specialize in mental health.
This is why in this article we will review some of the most important myths about couples therapy indicating why certain ideas about it are inaccurate or outright lies.
These are the most widespread misconceptions about couples therapy
1. The psychologist resolves disputes
The task of psychologists who offer couples therapy is not to resolve arguments or disputes in general, but to help resolve the behavioral dynamics that make one tend to argue frequently (if it is the case that one of the reasons why goes to therapy is this).
2. Only emotionally unstable people go to couples therapy
This is a simplification that does not correspond at all to reality While it is true that people who have a marked neuroticism are more likely to have problems in their emotional relationships (statistically), that does not mean that there are not many other reasons why reasons to go to couples therapy may arise.
3. The psychologist modifies the personality of those who do not adapt to the couple
Personality is a set of very stable psychological traits that define the way people are.
Although it changes a little throughout life and in some cases it can even change a lot, this is not the objective of couples therapy, which It focuses on much more specific and easy-to-define objectives so that they can give rise to agreements and commitments easy to monitor (to see if the objectives are met or not).
4. In therapy, a catharsis occurs that resolves the conflict
The goal of couples therapy is not to create situations in which clients reach a point where they express their repressed emotions and thoughts with the maximum degree of intensity and honesty so that the problem the couple is going through is resolved in a matter of minutes, once a weight has been lifted from both people.
Although honesty is an essential element for couples therapy to work well, Simply expressing your feelings doesn’t have to solve anything To improve the health of the relationship, we must go through other boxes, among which we find common values and projects again, and build a new commitment that will structure the relationship from then on.
5. Couples therapy consists of arguing
Another of the most heard myths about couples therapy is that it is a space focused on the act of arguing, fighting with the other to see who is right. It is true that heated discussions are not uncommon in these sessions, but Simply confronting the other person doesn’t solve anything and although psychologists who are experts in couples therapy maintain a neutral role as professionals, they are not there to act as referees in a boxing match.
The discussions are a consequence of the fact of dealing with personal and sometimes delicate topics throughout these sessions, and in any case the logic of overriding the other’s reason to win a symbolic battle. Not only does it not help, but it represents obstacles to the progress of therapy
6. The breakup means the failure of couples therapy
To think that the objective of couples therapy is to avoid a breakup at all costs is to not fully understand the nature of emotional relationships, because the truth is that sometimes the best solution is to end the courtship or marriage; In fact, there are those who go to therapy already knowing that they want to break up and only to please the other person.
The goal of couples therapy is to continue the relationship in the best possible way, either to make it last or to end it on the best possible terms.
Furthermore, as with everything, there are always certain risks that things will not go well, and it is possible that couples therapy will fail regardless of whether or not there is a breakup. For example, if the professional does not know how to create a climate of trust in which a married couple feels they can express themselves without fear of receiving disapproval.
Are you looking for couples therapy services?
If you live in the Madrid area and are interested in going to couples therapy, we invite you to contact our team of psychologists at the UPAD Psychology and Coaching center, located in Argüelles. Here you will find professionals with experience in intervening in cases of marital or dating crisis such as constant arguments, jealousy, boredom in the time spent in each other’s company, lack of trust due to infidelity, etc.
