6 Ways To Respond When You’ve Been Emotionally Hurt
Do you remember the song “Todo El Mundo Hiere” or “Everybody hurts”, by the band REM? The ballad tells how at different times in life we have to be on one side or the other. There are times when they hurt us, and there are other times when we do it.
If you are like me and you don’t like confrontations, fights, or emotional explosions, it is quite a challenge to be like that, because it is very easy to be calm with people where appreciation is mutual, but… What happens to those people who don’t like us?? What can we do when someone has such a difficult character that they tend to explode at the slightest moment? How to respond when we like someone emotionally?
I have a client who had a disagreement with an acquaintance who, in a very subtle way, belittled her. My client is a patient and kind person. This man began to aggravate her when she respectfully expressed her disagreement with a point of view of his. From that day on, every time they met, he looked for a way to hurt her with passing comments and arrogant attitudes. Her excuse was that he wanted to open the debate on a topic with which they did not agree. In reality, all he did was attack her
His tactics varied. Sometimes he minimized the way he offended her, “I said it as a joke,” and other times he used euphemisms to denigrate her, “an intelligent person doesn’t take things that way.” My client decided to act as if she didn’t realize what was happening to avoid having a confrontation. However, he insisted so much on bothering her that she came to the session one day feeling very upset and sad. She shared with me for the first time what was happening. He hadn’t done it before because she didn’t want to give importance to the matter, but she got out of hand.
You’re probably reading this and you’re saying to yourself, but why didn’t he stop talking to her? How did she not confront him firmly? Why did he go along with it as if nothing was happening? Think that Each of us is influenced by our history, by our experiences by our interactions, by our beliefs, by our mentality, and by the ideas that we form about what we are capable of doing or not and what we will be able to tolerate or not.
The first thing I did with my client was validate her emotions because she was having a really bad time. Then we started peeling back layer by layer to see what was stopping him from siding with her. Then, we began to see what alternatives she had, not only in this situation, but in conflicts with others in general.
What can we do when someone hurts us emotionally?
These are the basic guidelines and strategies to apply.
You’ve probably heard the word self-compassion, which has to do with accept what happens to us and treat ourselves with the same affection as we do with those we love most This is a super effective self-soothing tool. Fierce self-compassion is similar, only it requires us to act in the world to alleviate our suffering. This means being able to protect ourselves, provide for ourselves, and motivate ourselves with respect and assertiveness.
2. Set healthy boundaries
To dare to set limits, we have to be internalized with our deep needs. There is a very fine line between being cordial to others and betraying ourselves. It may be difficult at first, but Encouraging yourself to say “no” without guilt is liberating The heart doesn’t lie, don’t say “yes” to anything that makes you feel bad.
3. Get out of the toxic situation
There are times when there is no space for constructive dialogue or respectful expression. When that happens, cut the communication dead. Protect your energy by putting an end to that person or bond that hurts you. We tend to be afraid of “what the other person will say if I do it”, but We will save ourselves endless headaches and moments of anguish
4. Talk about what is happening to you with someone you trust or a professional
Sometimes it takes time to share what happens to us, like my client, who believed she had handled the situation with indifference. When someone crosses the line with us, it is important to have a trustworthy ear. It is important that this person not beat me down for my actions or make me more angry about what has happened to me. Find an interlocutor who creates a safe space for you to express yourself and who can guide you through the matter.
Sometimes what happens to us is so close to us that it contracts us, clouds us, and overwhelms us I always invite my clients to close their eyes, put their hands on their hearts, and answer this question, “If you could detach yourself from this situation like an eagle flying over everything that is happening, what would you find?” How would you act with this new point of view?”
In conclusion…
Keep in mind that You will come across some people who have problems and you have nothing to do with it
There are people who feel bad for different reasons and who project their conflicts onto others. It’s happened to me that I’m walking calmly and someone who passes me incorrectly on their scooter insults me because I’m supposedly in their way. At the time I got angry, but then I remember that there are people who are not well and that has nothing to do with me.
Protect yourself because your inner world is your refuge and don’t let anyone walk with their dirty feet through it. Remember how strong you are and that your inner peace is non-negotiable.
