Whether we like it or not, human beings live interconnected both physically and emotionally. Neither our personality nor our actions would be as they are if it were not for the fact that throughout our lives we have gone through all kinds of experiences that we have shared with others.
This means that we have an almost automatic tendency to interact with others, to start conversations, to be interested in what attracts the other’s attention and, in many cases, to establish an emotional bond with people we select Both friendship and relationships are normal because we are, essentially, social animals. But that doesn’t mean we’re always perfect at maintaining those relationships.
And since these bonds essentially have irrational foundations based on love, sympathy or affection, it is also easy to fall into traps that lead us to deteriorate the quality of that emotional connection. Accidents happen in any area of life, but in the case of relationships, we are also prone to not seeing them coming. We run the risk of falling into one of the many ways to ruin a relationship which worked well.
Attitudes and actions capable of ruining a relationship
These are the main traps that can transform a healthy relationship into a nightmare that is headed towards self-destruction.
1. Turn the relationship into a competition
Sharing something with someone means enjoying certain experiences twice as much, but it also means taking twice the risks that that relationship ends up breaking up. Something that at first seems like a small setback can grow like a snowball downhill if the dynamic of the dialogue focuses on defending one’s own pride above anything else, or proving that one is better than the other party.
Paradoxically, trying to give the best possible image can have the opposite effect on the other person. if they feel that they are being undervalued or treated unfairly
2. Decide that commitments are no longer valid
The idea that relationships should be free can lead to rejecting those pacts that both people had respected until now. However, in practice there is no relationship that resists the absence of commitments that give it form and stability.
The reason is that the deeper a relationship is, the more we must do our part to ensure that it has continuity and constancy, because without that There may be cases of involuntary emotional blackmail, mistrust and fear of opening up to others If someone deserves our time and attention, the logical thing to do is to show that we value that by modifying our lives to ensure that the other person will continue to be a part of it.
3. Forgetting to talk about yourself
Certain forms of friendship can withstand the passage of time without dialogue, but in the case of deeper relationships, falling into this dynamic always leads to very negative results.
And if every emotional relationship is based on certain commitments, One of the most underrated and least talked about is the habit of simply talking
More withdrawn people may have gotten used to not talking about themselves to others, but when you have a romantic bond or an intimate friendship, not doing so means introducing a strong asymmetry into the relationship.
The other person may perceive that they are not valued or even that they are not listened to (since in a dialogue it would be normal to make comments talking about comparisons with their own life), on the one hand, or that things are hidden, for the other. In short, situations can occur in which what should be a deep and stimulating conversation seems more like a monologue.
The other side of the coin is to use the relationship to have someone listen to the narrative of one’s life. This, although not noticeable, gives the image that the other’s life is of no interest at all or that we are only interested in knowing their opinions about what happens to us, but not their own stories and experiences.
Of course, a relationship in which this has happened from the beginning has already started with serious flaws in its foundations, but there are times when periods of stress make a person who until now had a normal relationship begin to become obsessed with what happens to him and, as a consequence, to talk only about that.
5. Let the other make all the decisions
It may seem like a very good option for some, but ceding the role of decision maker to the other sets a precedent that in the long run tends to be very negative And no, it is not only because if the decision turns out to be wrong, arguments may arise.
And although some people prone to indecision find relief in the possibility of asking others to decide for them, this dynamic does not only affect the small details of life.
Over time, getting used to one person making decisions and the other accepting them can transform into an unequal power dynamic Little by little the decisions that one is in charge of become more and more important, until there comes a point where if the other disagrees, this is seen as something strange, inappropriate.
6. Trying to change the other person so that we like them more
Romantic love, that phenomenon that until not so long ago has been accepted without question in relationships, has made many people believe that any sacrifice is good if it means making the bond that unites two people stronger.
This has many negative effects, and one of them is that we accept as normal that we try to change to please the other more or even that the other asks us to change not because it is beneficial for oneself, but because it would generate more attraction.
This is one of the most common and damaging ways to ruin a relationship because, in the end, the idea that is perpetuated is that someone is someone’s property, and that virtually any sacrifice should be able to have its place in the relationship. Although at first the effects of idealizing the other make their defects hidden, the moment they come to light we have to decide if we accept them or if they are so serious that the relationship must end.
