7 Characteristics Of Happy Couples: How Do You Identify A Healthy Relationship?
Have you ever wondered how they do it? Excited couples after a long journey radiating a sincere love stronger than at the beginning. Couples who have been able to build a relationship based on love, admiration and respect, providing a firm foundation on which to share moments and create memories, usually show certain patterns.
They do not have to present all, we cannot generalize. But here are a series of keys that are usually observed. In addition to the fact that they truly love each other, they work over time nurturing the relationship, they do not accommodate, they do not take for granted a pleasant common future, they generate it. Let’s see how.
1. They position themselves as a team and put themselves as a priority
They do not make decisions based on opinions or judgments outside the relationship, they do not let others, not even the family, decide what is best for the course of the couple they form. They feel free and creators of their own rhythm or process of joint growth. They also do not forget that they are a couple in the face of the different roles that each one plays (social, family, professional…).
They relate from the desire to be there, and not from narrow identities. For example, when they have children, they are not the mother or the father. They are themselves, and the role of mother and/or father does not color everything, it is one more facet. This keeps the desire alive by not feeling constrained, limited or pressured in one area of your life, since life is much broader and richer.
They are enriched by each other’s vision, they genuinely enjoy taking time to dedicate to each other. They arrive home eagerly, thinking along the way about meeting and exchanging a few words after a long day. They reserve spaces of time because they need it, it is born to them. They share interests and not just chores. They look for moments when they are not fulfilling commitments to relax together, the objective of these meetings is not to be productive and take the opportunity to “do.”. The goal they have in mind is “to be”.
3. They give total freedom to the other to be themselves
Respect and admiration for others overcome the desire to change those aspects that they may not like so much. It could be summed up that they like the couple so much that they don’t feel it is worth the effort to change any detail.
4. They have difficult conversations
They communicate regularly from an attitude that is open to each other’s perspective. They do not assume the other’s feedback as an attack, but rather as their own vision, which does not have to coincide but is equally valid. They listen to each other, validate each other, support each other and above all, they feel free to choose their personal opinion even if it does not coincide with that expressed by the couple.
They do not show avoidance or attack behaviors. The openness to dialogue is such that from this emotionally serene climate, conversations can very rarely become an explosion. They know how to make each other laugh and even pause a conflict if they feel overwhelmed, enjoying said pause together, using it for leisure. They navigate conflict naturally and calmly.
They respect each other’s privacy as well as their freedom of action at all times. Loving does not mean leaving aside anything that matters to you or gives you value, these couples know it. They are and act like individual people who inhabit their own space and rhythm, who know they are free and from that, they choose themselves every day.
6. Jealousy Management
There are couples who feel jealousy and others who report having felt it very rarely. Jealousy can arise spontaneously even for no apparent reason. The defining thing in couples that we could classify as successful is that the high degree of confidence and determination when choosing each other each day is such that that feeling of choosing and feeling chosen cushions this without dramas.
7. They share values, which brings them closer to sharing purposes
If the couple shares care for the environment or love for nature as a value, perhaps one likes the beach and another the mountains, but neither will suffer from a getaway to a natural setting. The same with knowledge, if the couple values it, it doesn’t matter if one reads an essay and another studies physics. When they have a child, they will feel peace when they see that their partner is reading quietly while the child is instilled with curiosity for knowledge.
If, on the other hand, one values health and doing sports while the other values wine and beer tastings, it is possible that there will be a lot of disagreement throughout the entire relationship. Even more so if they decide to start a family and one wants the child to play sports while he watches the other smoking and/or drinking in front of the child. This usually brings conflict. Everyone is free to live as they decide and makes them feel good, but having opposite values rarely brings with it a relationship that feels comfortable and flows safely.
Finally, if there is something in your relationship that really doesn’t fit you, ask yourself if you are in the right place. Is he sometimes absent and other times present? One day it is receptive and the next it disappears? Do you not know how to address your partner because he seems totally unpredictable to you? When you get into an insecure attachment, you may feel your own system prompting you to get closer and closer to that person.
Getting closer by developing a thousand strategies runs the risk of moving away from you. You don’t lose your partner, you don’t lose anything, the only thing that is lost is you. Becoming increasingly dependent on that closeness that brings you a feeling of calm. A momentary peace. What are you willing to change? What are you going to regret the most? Remember that a healthy partner is chosen from the empowering feeling of exercising their right to freedom.
