Love is a feeling so overwhelming and intense that, normally, it is difficult to recognize where its limits are. When it arrives, the hormones in our brain begin to flood the nervous system in a very different way than they did before, and a new way of perceiving things takes control of what we do, what we believe, and what we say.
Therefore, it is not easy recognize the differences between love and obsession with a person Both experiences share many elements, but confusing them can be very harmful both to our social life and to our own emotional health.
emotional intelligence It consists, among other things, in knowing how to detect types of emotions and feelings that affect us on a daily basis, and in acting accordingly with this private “diagnosis.” It is a skill on which more and more emphasis is placed in new educational models, but unfortunately adults are not exempt from the problems posed by a lack of ability in this type of capacity.
Confusing love with obsession, for example, is very common, and on many occasions it is even believed that true love has the manic characteristics of the second element. As if obsession were more love than love itself.
Somehow, an idealized and highly toxic vision of romantic love can distort this concept so much that the pain and anguish that these types of relationships produce are perceived as something positive, part of the sacrifice that love is supposed to be. But this problem disappears if we know and understand well the differences between obsession and love, which are many and very relevant.
Main differences between love and obsession
These keys to distinguishing between these psychological phenomena can help you have a much richer and more rewarding emotional life and, in the process, avoid toxic relationships.
1. Jealousy vs. Respect for other people’s space
When someone experiences love for someone, they do so by embracing the idea that the other person’s life belongs entirely to the latter, and therefore nor does it consider interfering in what the other is doing This, in turn, has another consequence: since what the other person does is the other person’s responsibility, there is no point in monitoring their movements or trying to put up barriers to their freedom.
On the other hand, if you feel obsessed with someone, the other person becomes a problem that you feel is your own. This causes jealousy to appear.
2. Obification of the other vs. Humanely
In obsession, each member of the couple is understood as the property of the other, which gives rise to very harmful paradoxes: who has the right to decide what the other should do, in what contexts?
In love, on the other hand, we never lose sight of the fact that the other is a human being, like any other, and that must enjoy their rights and freedoms in your day to day life. Therefore, unilateral impositions cannot be accepted as normal.
Wherever there is an obsession with a person, there is the idea that the relationship with them is predestined to be exclusive; In other words, regardless of what the people involved want, they must create a kind of emotional bunker between them and never leave there.
In love, however, the view we have about fidelity is much more sensible, since it is not based so much on exclusivity “as a rule” as on honesty and transparency. Here, each person makes a commitment, but it is assumed that there is no unbreakable rule about what the relationship should be, since it depends entirely on the people who make it up.
4. Based on low self-esteem vs. Based on the relationship
In obsession, the other person is perceived as an element that we lack and without which it is difficult to live. That is to say, the reason for the relationship you seek to have with someone is largely low self-esteem.
In love, however, the other person It is seen as something that complements us
5. Search for substitutions vs. Acceptance
When a love relationship breaks up, after a stage of grief comes acceptance.
In the case of obsession, however, acceptance can take a long time to come or it may not even occur, especially if psychological help is not available.
6. Blaming the other vs. Assume responsibilities
Another of the big differences between obsession and love is that in the former, the other person’s lack of interest is used as a weapon against them, and often emotional blackmail is attempted to make you feel guilty. This does not happen in the case of love, since it is understood that no one has the right to condition our freedom in that way.
Where there is love, relationship problems are solved through empathy and communication On the other hand, people who feel an obsession with others try to create a fiction that makes it appear that everything remains the same, without having to face the root of the problem, for fear of losing control of the situation.
