7 Keys To Know If You Want To Be In A Relationship Or Not
Many people assume that starting a relationship is always a positive thing, but this is not always the case. In fact, there are quite a few who participate in a love relationship of this type without practically considering whether they really want to do that.
Therefore, in this article we will briefly review some key ideas that help you understand yourself and clarify what you are looking for in someone who is special to you
7 key ideas to know if you really want to be in a relationship
What you will see below are guidelines that serve as a guide to reflect. if you really want to be in a relationship with someone specific Keep in mind that, taken individually, these questions do not refute or confirm anything, but if we consider them as a whole, that will give you a rough picture of your motivations when considering this relationship. The surest way to enhance your self-knowledge and find a way of living that fits your interests and values is to go to psychotherapy.
If you have the impression that the relationship you have with another person is already “too established” to back down, consider this a red flag.
Although in some cases it involves making important sacrifices, any relationship can be interrupted by either person, and if you have stopped being aware of it for a while, it is possible that you have been acting out of pure pressure, not out of love.
Especially harmful are cases in which a person considers themselves the property of their partner and in fact, these kinds of experiences can be based on abusive dynamics (if both people see the relationship that way) that it is essential to cut off immediately.
2. What you like most about that person are your common tastes?
If you notice that the reason for the relationship you have with someone special to you can be summarized in that you have interests and hobbies in common, It is likely that you are confusing what is actually a beautiful friendship with love and the desire to start a relationship
Remember that there is nothing wrong with being friends with someone who initially attracted you sexually or generated a romantic interest in you.
3. Does the idea of being single scare you?
Although the fear of being single is a very widespread phenomenon, it is still harmful. It is not a reason to start or maintain a relationship with someone, and in this sense, if you experience that kind of anguish, The process that will lead you to feel good involves redefining your concept of happiness and a satisfactory life project
4. Have you learned to associate that relationship with the loss of your freedom?
If when you think about that relationship you are in or that you are considering, your attention is directed towards what you must sacrifice to stay in it, it is likely that this is not the option you really want.
5. Do you assume that frequent sex with someone leads to dating?
Even though a large number of changes have occurred in Western societies in recent decades, it cannot be denied that several conservative cultural dynamics still persist that influence our way of perceiving relationships.
That is to say, although many things have changed, Under this surface of apparent progress, mental frameworks inherited from previous centuries remain, especially regarding gender roles and the family
Given that, it is not surprising that although we no longer view sex in the same way as we did 100 years ago, it is still linked to the idea of marriage; Before it was an incentive to get married, and now it is an introduction to the type of relationships that, if “consolidated”, lead to the altar In other words, for many people it is the first stage of a type of emotional bond that goes through courtship and ends in marriage, so if we do not go through these last two phases, it seems that the relationship is unsatisfactory and remains incomplete.
Taking these kinds of prejudices into account is key to fully enjoying sexuality without feeling guilty, and without giving rise to relationships with little future.
6. When you are with that person, do you notice that pity marks your behavior?
Love and affection for a person can take many forms, but not all of them are compatible with the common life project What a couple relationship entails. If you notice that you are with that person largely because you feel sorry for him and want to help him, in reality what motivates you to be with him is not that kind of love. Among other things, because you do not consider that relationship as a symmetrical bond established between equals.
7. Do you feel anticipatory anxiety at the idea that I suggest you become more committed?
If from time to time you catch yourself imagining with fear what would happen if that person were “something else” chances are that a relationship doesn’t fit what you’re looking for.
Are you interested in going to therapy?
If you want to start an individual or couples psychotherapy process, I invite you to contact me to schedule a first session.
My name is Blanca Ruiz and I am a psychologist with more than a decade of professional experience in this field; I serve adults and adolescents with problems such as lack of self-esteem, mood disorders, relationship crises, family conflicts, Eating Disorders, work stress, and more.
