Being angry consumes a lot of energy; This is considered one of the most difficult emotions to manage. Many people around the world let anger take control of their actions and, as a result, hurt themselves or others.
Fear is a mechanism that allows us to adapt to the environment and allows us to respond to threatening situations quickly; However, it can also interfere in a negative way and limit our growth or quality of life. Many people let emotions take control of their actions.
Despite them, it is not a good idea to try to contain them: emotions do not appear just because they do, these respond to some specific reason. But this also does not mean that we have to let them take control over our behavior. Emotions need to be managed by methods other than willpower, we are not going to stop feeling anger or fear no matter how much we want to.
There are different techniques that allow us to learn to regulate our emotions and allow us to develop this field of intelligence. These types of methods are based on a series of simple guidelines that allow people to find the right balance between the expression and containment of feelings.
In this article We explain what emotional self-regulation consists of and we expose the different techniques that are used today to learn to regulate different emotions effectively. We also cover some of the most common obstacles we may face in this learning.
To pursue long-term goals, we have to be able to control our behaviors and emotions, as well as our thoughts. This is known as emotional self-regulation. This term also refers to the ability to control impulses that can cause problems.
Emotional self-regulation is defined as the ability to respond to stimuli and manage emotions appropriately ; This means being able to consider our actions before acting. This ability also includes the willingness to recover from disappointments, and to act in accordance with our values. It is part of the five main aspects of emotional intelligence.
Simply put, self-regulation could initially mean understanding how to behave; this ability begins to develop in childhood. As they grow, children learn to control their tantrums, they are able to cope with uncomfortable feelings such as frustration in a “self-regulated” way. By learning to control these impulses in the early years of development, they can be managed successfully in adulthood. Self-regulation It is crucial both for emotional maturity and for the development of future social relationships
Mature people have the ability to calmly consider their emotions, their environment and themselves when facing different situations, they are able to regulate their own sense of identity.
Furthermore, the ability to self-regulate is crucial because it allows people to achieve their goals and ambitions effectively. It is important when achieving goals to know how to take time to reflect, develop a plan and wait calmly. This means learning to pause between the appearance of an emotion and the action to be taken.
It is evident that Lack of self-control can cause considerable problems Many people face different difficulties derived from a lack of self-regulation, including both children and adults. For example, a child or person who yells at others when frustrated will receive negative attention from their peers.
In addition, poor self-regulation can cause the appearance of other negative conditions such as anger, anxiety, low self-esteem and lack of confidence. This occurs due to the fact that adults with regulation problems also have difficulty managing stress and frustration. In the worst case, these adults with little capacity for self-regulation can develop a mental health illness.
In general, people who present high levels of self-regulation usually also show the following characteristics:
To the act in accordance with your core values or sense of social responsibility, self-regulation allows people to express themselves appropriately and is related to assertiveness. This is achieved by acting in a way that suits your personal standards and values. If a person values academic achievement above all, a good capacity for self-regulation will allow him or her to study instead of being distracted by other things.
Self-regulation has a positive impact on health, it has been shown that people with better self-regulation skills have greater resistance to stress, lower levels of cortisol and better overall health
Success in life requires people to have a healthy self-regulation system. However, self-regulation problems are common. These can arise early in a child’s life, for example, a baby may have problems calming and regulating if she does not receive proper care.
Alternatively, a child may have difficulty self-regulating if they do not feel safe or secure, or if they are not sure that their needs will be met. Although these can develop at any age, this may be due to a lack of tools to cope with difficult emotions. These problems can have more significant consequences, even acting as triggers for disorders, if they are not adequately addressed. Finally, Very low levels of self-regulation are related to risk behaviors and substance abuse
Practical emotional self-regulation tips
As we have seen, the ability to self-regulate is essential for our well-being; However, most of us lack efficient strategies to use this skill.
Most people just assume that children will naturally grow out of their tantrum phase. Although this is partly true, everyone, both children and adults, can benefit from learning specific strategies that help us regulate our emotions.
1. Mindfulness
Numerous research studies have shown that, in addition to other benefits, The practice of mindfulness (or full attention) significantly improves the ability to pay attention This helps people regulate their negative emotions and improve their executive function.
By performing small acts of gratitude and practicing conscious breathing, people can learn to create distance between ourselves and our emotions. This also leads to developing a better ability to concentrate and a calmer state of mind.
2. Art therapy
Self-regulation of emotions involves recognizing and understanding them. An effective way to do this is by using creative language to express feelings.
Art therapy consists of the combination of different artistic disciplines to express emotions and balance them Thanks to artistic expression, people can give new meanings to their emotional conflicts. This is possible because emotions are reconsidered before being expressed through painting, crafts or writing.
3. Simulated environments
To self-regulate emotions, environments that are not real, whether virtual or imaginary, can be used. By exposing ourselves to situations in which we feel vulnerable in a simulated way, we can evaluate the situation and our feelings, without so much nervousness After understanding the emotion and why it exists, they can look for ways to replace or diminish it.
Certain psychological situations can be digitally recreated by psychologists or their institutes. However, this is not the only method available; To cope with circumstances over which they believe they have no control, people can use their imagination. This means describing or drawing what is happening. The objective is to determine the moments or stimuli that make them feel out of place.
Emotional responses can be changed by reinterpreting the circumstances surrounding a situation. This is achieved through the cognitive reframing strategy, also known as cognitive reappraisal. This strategy involves changing thought patterns to change emotional responses to scenarios
It has been shown through research that people who frequently employ cognitive reappraisal in their daily lives experience more positive and fewer negative emotions. An example of this is when you consider the possibility that a friend may not respond to your messages or calls. Instead of assuming they hate you, you can assume they are busy.
4. Acceptance of events
Self-regulation can be improved by implementing acceptance and problem solving strategies Instead of doing this, people often employ useless strategies such as avoidance, distraction, suppression, and worry when faced with difficult situations.
Related article: “Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT): principles and characteristics”
5. Take note
Being overly critical or demanding can cause us to become overly sensitive to criticism or negative comments. This negatively affects our self-esteem and capacity for self-evaluation. It is important to maintain a realistic perspective, evaluate yourself periodically and remember everything we have achieved, it can be on a weekly or monthly basis. This allows us, instead of focusing on the negative, to focus on what we do well. By identifying our successes and reasons for pride, we facilitate the relationship with ourselves and, ultimately, helps us regulate our emotions
6. Be grateful
Practicing gratitude and optimism regularly will drastically change our outlook on life and emotions. These strategies have a snowball effect, affecting your attitude, which in turn affects the way you feel. Appreciate the good we have in our lives daily, too decreases the frequency and intensity of negative emotions Visualizing and projecting a pleasant future increases overall positivity and optimism.
7. Do not overload yourself excessively
Emotional self-regulation also includes avoiding excessive demands on oneself. This means facing the necessary conflicts, duties and responsibilities, but without overloading yourself. To achieve this, we must learn to delegate tasks establish limits in our relationships and express our needs assertively and at the right time.
