7 Types Of Subtle Verbal Aggression In A Relationship
Relationships may be characterized by being based on an intimate bond between two people, but that does not mean that there is no room for ambiguity. This can be clearly expressed when conflicts arise: many times, anger is not expressed directly, but in a passive-aggressive way, barely giving information that allows us to identify what is happening.
But anger within a relationship is not the only type of negative situation that can be expressed in a disguised way. Where there is verbal abuse, it can also be so subtle that, once it becomes a habit, it is difficult to recognize as such. That is to say, situations of psychological abuse often become normalized. Below we will see precisely how it can occur this type of verbal aggression difficult to recognize
How to recognize the types of verbal aggression in the relationship?
Below we will see the main types of verbal aggression within the framework of a relationship, and how to identify them.
Knowing how to detect each of them is important, because it allows us to detect situations that should not be tolerated and that in the long run can create a relational dynamic characterized by the dominance of one person over the other.
1. Teasing about the other person’s family background
Sometimes, a person’s origin can be exploited to try to hurt them, especially if they come from a humble background or those associated with rural areas. Thus, small mentions of the fact that the other spent his childhood in a small town without an Internet connection, for example, many times it can only make sense in the context of an offense
This type of subtle verbal aggression is aimed at disqualifying the other in a simple way and without having to argue anything; Fundamentally, it consists of creating a stigma that can be used conveniently at the most opportune moments, even in front of friends or family.
2. Draw attention to the attractiveness of others
Expressing directly that you feel attracted to another person is, in many cases, another example of aggression that, although it is not always verbal, is psychological. Where is the limit to know if it is admissible? Easy: unless it has previously been clearly established that that kind of behavior is allowed, it is.
In reality, this type of expression of feelings may have the main objective of undermining the partner’s self-esteem, since even if another person is attractive, this does not require them to express it openly. What giving these unwanted opinions does is send a clear message: “you’re not so special after all.”
3. Read the mind
This type of verbal aggression consists of constantly repeating the straw man fallacy to make fun of the other person. For example, you can offer a caricatured version of the other’s motivations of their ways of thinking and their fundamental beliefs, not to explain something, but simply to use mockery and place themselves in a position of power when faced with, for example, a decision that should be made jointly (there is a reason you are in a couple ).
4. Emotional blackmail
Emotional blackmail is a type of subtle verbal aggression that goes beyond words. On the one hand, it serves to expose the idea that what is expected is that the other person makes special efforts to maintain the relationship, as if only one member of the couple had the duty to keep it together. On the other hand, he introduces guilt into the other to manipulate her behavior based on his own remorse.
Gaslighting is deliberately lying to make the other person doubt your own mental abilities. Not only is the truth hidden under lies, but the other is also placed in a situation of psychological discomfort, sometimes almost hypochondriacal, simply to be able to manipulate them. That is why, to detect this type of situations, It is necessary to work on self-esteem and build a realistic self-concept in addition to having a third opinion.
6. Deliberately ignoring
This type of verbal aggression is characterized precisely by selective verbality, that is, speaking only to say certain things, and remaining silent for the majority, without giving an explanation. In certain respects it can be considered a type of gaslighting and it is a type of abuse because it does not even offer the possibility of understanding what causes the anger (real or feigned) of the person doing it, which subtracts all constructive characteristics and only leaves the negative.
7. Use the false dichotomy
The false dichotomy allows others to be placed far from the “correct” moral category simply because, starting from a totally biased criterion, it can be said that they occupy an attitude or opinion typical of ethically inadmissible people.
An extreme, almost cartoonish version of this would be to try to make the other person feel bad about their eating habits by pointing out that “Hitler was also a vegetarian.” Even if it is true, it is something that does not tell us anything about why being a vegetarian is wrong, it simply relates in a crude way to something that we ethically want to get away from. This is such a crude manipulation strategy that, In practice, it shows a clear lack of respect and desire to manipulate
