Assertiveness does not consist of saying everything that comes to mind or, on the contrary, relegating everything to whether or not what we want to say may make our interlocutor uncomfortable. In any case, it consists of a balance between these two poles: saying what should be communicated, and doing it in a respectful and empathetic way, trying not to generate unnecessary discomfort.
That is why the key concept when developing assertiveness is “efficiency”: we must ensure that our most relevant ideas and opinions are transmitted, but without wasting time or resources in an uncontrolled manner or in a way that could give rise to conflicts. avoidable. That’s why, In this article we will review the basic rules of efficient communication
How to achieve efficient assertiveness when communicating with others?
Follow these tips so that assertiveness allows you to communicate fluently.
1. Be clear about the ideas you want to communicate
One of the first rules that we must take into account to improve our assertiveness is to be clear in advance about the ideas that we want to communicate in the conversation that we are going to have.
To achieve this goal, we can write down in advance in a notebook or notebook the main ideas or concepts on which our speech is going to be developed and memorize or review them previously; although We should not try to memorize exact phrases, only the ideas to express
As public speaking experts know, the important thing to develop any speech is to have a clear outline of what we are going to say and how the key ideas of what we want to communicate to our interlocutor are going to be related.
2. Don’t criticize people but rather their actions
A characteristic sign of good assertiveness occurs in those people who, when criticizing, focus on the actions or arguments of the people in front of them and not on those people specifically
Personally criticizing our interlocutor when we are in the middle of a conversation is a sign of poor assertiveness and a lack of argumentative flexibility, so we must always remember to focus on the arguments and not on the people who utter them.
3. When criticizing, propose alternatives or solutions
Whenever you intend to criticize an idea or approach, you must be able to propose an alternative or solution to those you are criticizing, since if you do not do so, your criticism may lose legitimacy.
Again, being able to propose other alternative arguments or different solutions to the same problem is one of the elementary signs of assertive people and an unequivocal sign of capacity and flexibility in oratory and counterargumentation. respecting those who think differently or who we consider to have been wrong
4. Set a deadline and time to communicate what needs to be said.
Assertiveness has to do with resolution, finding solutions and communicating what we want to say at a certain time and place.
That is why a useful rule that we can follow to be more assertive is to establish a deadline date and time to communicate anything that we want to communicate to other people, agreeing on it and communicating it in advance to said person or people.
5. Avoid going long
One of the keys to being assertive is to communicate a short, concise and direct speech with which we attract the attention of our audience and are easy to follow for the people who listen to us.
Clarity is equally important, that is, saying things ensuring that they are understood and avoiding excessively complicated or far-fetched formulations or words.
6. Restructure negative thoughts
Sometimes we can be approached by negative thoughts about ourselves or about our speech, harmful ideas that make us lose confidence in ourselves and in our approaches, ideas or arguments.
To overcome these types of thoughts we must learn to deny them through a rational analysis of them and reconvert them into more positive and adaptive thoughts that allow us to gain confidence in our abilities and motivate us to continue improving as assertive speakers.
7. Stay calm
People with a higher level of assertiveness are those capable of communicating their speeches in a calm and without losing control in the face of unforeseen events
We can achieve a state of calm in many ways, the most common are to put into practice relaxation techniques such as meditation, Mindfulness, progressive muscle relaxation, yoga or conscious breathing techniques.
8. Enhance non-verbal language
Non-verbal language can be of great help to express everything we need to say and is a great tool to highlight the most important parts of our speech.
Putting good non-verbal language into practice consists of knowing how to look into the eyes of the interlocutor, maintaining an attitude of listening and attention, staying relaxed with a correct and upright posture.
