9 Signs That Indicate That Your Parents Are Toxic: What Consequences Does It Have And How To Deal With It?

If your interactions with your parents leave you completely exhausted or overwhelmed, you are likely dealing with parents with toxic attitudes. Growing up with parents like this can end up affecting your physical and mental health, putting your self-esteem and ability to establish good relationships with others at risk. The first thing is to evaluate each case to know first of all… my parents are toxic?

What is a toxic father?

Toxic relationships in the family can involve either physical or emotional abuse from parents. These types of toxic attitudes usually begin in childhood and continue throughout adulthood. Fundamentally, the toxic attitude It is made up of behaviors that hinder the optimal development of the child, such as, for example, the development of their decision-making capacity and autonomy.

Along these lines, sometimes there can be an abuse of power on the part of parents, and unnecessary rules are imposed. In addition, it may also be that the consequences of the children’s actions are not predictable, and do not follow a logical sequence, but rather the child is punished randomly. When parenting occurs in an environment with toxic attitudes on the part of parents these may end up experiencing negative effects on their health, both mentally and physically.

Signs that indicate you have toxic parents

Even though we can all have ‘toxic’ attitudes At some point or another, we refer to toxic parents as those who tend to have this type of behavior most of the time or who do not try to change it even though we have talked to them. Some of the signs that could indicate that you are dealing with a toxic father or toxic mother are the following:

1. They are violent: Toxic parents can be physically abusive. In fact, they may resort to violent acts when angry. This type of behavior causes children to develop fear, anxiety and anger due to these abusive attitudes on the part of their parents. In some cases, parents may come to believe that violence can be an appropriate way to teach children, something that is obviously completely false. This can be accompanied by displays of affection at other times, which creates an ambivalence that causes a lot of psychological disorganization: the person who gives me love is the same one who denies me love.
2. They verbally and emotionally abuse: This could mean that parents end up belittling their children, as well as using emotional manipulation and gaslighting techniques to get what they really want.
3. They put their needs before those of their children: Toxic parents often prioritize themselves over their children. That is, they always put themselves as a priority even though the children need their support.
4. They are drivers: Having controlling parents also has negative consequences. This implies that they end up becoming too involved in their children’s lives to the point that they limit their freedom or independence. One of the main signs of manipulative parents is that they often seek to make children conform to the image of what they ‘should’ be, instead of giving them the freedom to develop their own interests and goals in life.
5. They use punishments that are too harsh: Discipline is a healthy parenting tool when used correctly. However, toxic parents can use completely excessive punishments to discipline their children. An example of this would be belittling or even hitting your child for not completing homework.
6. They are jealous of your other relationships: In some cases, toxic parents may feel jealous when children develop close relationships with other people. In fact, those parents with a greater need to manipulate to exercise control may even resort to unhealthy tactics to feel closer to their children.
7. They are not understanding: Toxic parents tend not to support their children’s decisions, nor do they take pride in their interests or achievements. This can be very painful for children, since they all want their parents’ approval.
8. They do not respect the limits: Another attitude that could indicate that you have a toxic mother or father is that they do not respect your limits. This implies that even though you have expressed your difficulties or what hurts you, your parents continue to exceed these limits.
9. They express all their problems: Toxic parents can use their children as an outlet for their emotions. That is, they can vent their anger towards their partner with their children. Not only can this be painful and confusing for children, but they also do not learn healthy ways to manage their emotions.

What can happen if my parents make me feel bad?

Have toxic parents It can have many negative effects for children and not only during their first years of development, but even for their adult life. Young children often show early signs that their relationship with their parents is affecting their mental and physical health. Furthermore, these ‘aftermath’ can end up damaging many areas of adult life. Some of the most common consequences of having received such treatment are the following:

• Mental health disorders during childhood and adolescence, such as depression, anxiety or even post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
• Depression and anxiety in adulthood
• Difficulty managing emotions such as anger
• Drug and alcohol abuse
• Physical health problems
• Low self-esteem and insecurity

These may be some of the negative effects of being raised by toxic parents If you think this may be your case, it is important that you try to go to a professional psychologist to receive treatment for it.

How to set limits for toxic parents?

If you recognize any of the traits we have shown in your parents, there are different ways to deal with these types of behaviors. Some of the strategies that can help you are the following:

1. Don’t try to please them: Although it is completely natural to want your parents’ approval, if they have toxic attitudes, it can seem completely impossible to do so. In fact, living your life according to someone else’s values ​​and goals can make you feel unhappy and dissatisfied.
2. Set and enforce your limits: Having clear boundaries can be one of the keys to letting others know how they should treat us. Therefore, knowing how to enforce them can help create emotional and physical space between you and your parents. Given the attitude of controlling or manipulative parents, establishing limits can be one of the keys to take into account in order to improve the relationship with them.
3. Don’t try to change them: Trying to change people who really don’t want to change can frustrate and overwhelm you in equal measure. Instead, try to focus on what you can control, such as how you respond to your parents.
4. Be aware of what you share with your parents: Trust is a very crucial element to having healthy relationships with others. But, depending on what your parents are like, perhaps you should be aware of what information you should not share with them.
5. Don’t try to reason with them: In some cases, it can be difficult to reason with a person who exhibits toxic behavior. Therefore, you should try to be assertive about the issues that matter to you, recognizing that your parents may not understand your point of view.
6. You don’t have to be available to your parents: People with toxic behaviors may need your help too much. They can even end up affecting both your personal and professional life. In these cases, if your parents engage in this toxic behavior, you may need to try to set limits with them.
7. Take care of yourself: Dealing with toxic parents can be really exhausting. This stress can affect both your physical and mental health. Therefore, it is crucial that you make your self-care a priority. For example, try to start with the basics such as having a balanced diet, getting quality sleep, exercising regularly or trying to connect with positive people.
8. Exercise understanding: In addition, it is beneficial to do an exercise in understanding their behavior. For this it is good to see that they are doing the best they know and can, and possibly act this way from the fear of losing control, based on a series of insecurities, which belong to them, and that should not be assumed, but yes respect from a safe distance for yourself. Putting a compassionate distance will make it less affecting, understanding that it has nothing to do with yourself, but with your fears and insecurities.

It is crucial that in the face of these toxic attitudes from your parents Try to set limits or respond in an appropriate way to their manipulations, abuse, or attempts at control. To do this, it is important to have good physical and emotional health.