The Human Being As A Social Animal: Benefits Of Assertiveness
It is well known that being a human is a social animal However, the ramifications of this famous phrase by Aristotle are more complex and intertwined than a superficial analysis of it might suggest.
Working in partnership is a characteristic that gives us an adaptive advantage as a species, and is responsible for some of the achievements that humanity is most proud of, such as writing or economics. However, it is also about its deepest shames, such as war or poverty.
At a more everyday level of analysis, living in society involves relating to other people, sometimes known, sometimes not, sometimes loved, sometimes not. However, as has been established in this introduction, human beings are social beings, so we better learn the rules of the game if we want to take advantage of this advantage that natural selection has taken so many centuries to grant us. In this regard, the so-called social skills have a lot to say.
Social skills, if they can be defined, are behaviors aimed at facilitate communication between two or more people There are as many as there are theoretical models, but the most important is what we know as assertiveness. The paradigmatic example to illustrate the functioning of this social skill is the following.
Suppose someone orders a rare steak in a restaurant and the waiter serves it practically charred. One option would be to just eat it, anyway, it won’t be bad either and we avoid bothering the waiter and kitchen staff. This first response would be classified as “passive.”
Another option would be, taking advantage of that precious moment in which we know that we are right and we are in that position of authority that being customers gives us, to dump all our frustrations and bad decisions in our lives on the innocent waiter, making sure that no one else harms us. He takes us for fools and shows off in ways that convince the entire restaurant that we are very indignant. This would be the “aggressive” response
Finally, and taking the middle path, there is the option of politely calling the waiter’s attention and, with that please and thank you that we have all been taught, indicating the error between what was ordered and what was served. This would apparently be the “assertive” response. And I say apparently because, and this is the most important thing, assertiveness is defined by its own effectiveness That is to say, no matter how polite we have been and even if we have used the best of our smiles, if the waiter feels offended by our message we will have been aggressive, although we will have done the best we can do, which is to try.
The benefits of assertiveness for the social animal
Beyond getting a proper steak served to us, Assertiveness is important for multiple occasions of capital importance in our performance as social beings. Claiming the parking space we had our eye on, getting service at a window five minutes before closing… claiming our rights in a school or work situation, building a relationship… all of this, expressing our opinion and feelings and being able to maintain a good relationship with our interlocutor, is assertiveness.
Thus, Putting assertiveness into practice is complex, and each person can use it in their own style. However, there are certain guidelines that can help develop it when we are still inexperienced.
Thus, an example would be: “I think (first person) that, for the next time (future), it would be better if (positive) you told me that you are going to be late (behavior).” On the other hand, it is recommended to avoid absolute terms (always, never, everything, nothing…) and use strategies such as humor Furthermore, as important as the construction of the message is its reception, that is why it is important to use empathy, active listening…
And, of course, this is by no means easy, so it usually requires training and dedication, and there are situations that favor assertiveness (the restaurant is empty) and others that make it difficult, but we should not underestimate the power of assertiveness. assertiveness, because, if the human being is a social being, society begins with human beings.
