Cancer, a word that shrinks the stomach overwhelms and places the diagnosed person and their environment in a situation of vulnerability.
It is no wonder, since according to WHO data, cancer is one of the main causes of morbidity and mortality in the world. Around 14 million new cases were recorded in 2012 and the number of new cases is expected to increase by approximately 70% over the next 20 years.
Given these global data, what can be done? Perhaps only hope in the face of a supposed and growing scientific advance and an improvement in clinical care. But what happens when cancer stops being an abstract fear that affects society and materializes into a particular fear that affects a person present in one’s own life? What happens when someone in your emotional circle is diagnosed with cancer?
We know that there are many types of cancer, depending on the organs affected, the phase in which it is found and the particular situation of each patient. Even so, it seems that there is a common fear that occurs when faced with the diagnosis: fear of patient suffering and fear of death
From this fear, and like from most fears, others hang, chaining concerns that must be addressed, to minimize the impact they may have both on one’s own psyche and on the family and social group in which one lives.
Every human being is endowed with the ability to face difficulties There are individual differences when it comes to managing painful situations, but there are also resources and strategies that can be useful for many people.
Along these lines, some actions are explained below that can help any adult adapt to the situation of a loved one’s cancer diagnosis.
1. Give yourself permission for emotional reaction and expression
Imagine: you are told that a person you love has cancer. The news hits like a downpour of cold water, but you must continue with your day-to-day responsibilities, probably at a fast and efficient pace. Even so, you have to find a space and time for the emotional integration of the news, leaving room to connect with the emotions it generates.
Sadness, rage, frustration, anger… They are emotions that are socially considered negative but even so, denying them does not make things easier, quite the opposite. Give yourself permission to feel and express them.
Maybe you have to make an effort to give space to the emotions that invade you. As? Finding your way of expression will be the first exercise. There are people who experience their emotions alone, finding a quiet space to cry, breathe deeply or scream. Others use a journal to freely express their emotions.
If loneliness is not a comforting space for you, connect with people you trust to express yourself and put words to your emotional knots. It is known that the fact of verbalize emotions already has an important therapeutic effect.
2. If emotions flood, you have to look for a way out
Although we must leave space to connect with emotions, we also We must attend to the danger that these reach maladaptive levels for one’s own balance.
That is to say, sadness or anger may appear but if they continue for long periods in an intense manner and affect, for example, the quality of sleep, eating patterns or emotional relationships, help must be sought.
In situations where emotions seem to flood life, the bravest person is not the one who tries to swim alone by swallowing water, but the one who is able to find the board to refloat.
3. I have no medical training and I don’t understand anything, what do I do?
When diagnosed with cancer, many doubts arise related to medical concepts that are sometimes unfamiliar. Currently we have quick access to information, which is not always good.
It is possible that when faced with medical reports, the urgent need to know more arises, which is why we end up immersed in the Internet reading things that perhaps, far from reassuring us, even further exacerbate our fears
Given this, perhaps it is better to stop searching on our own and write down the doubts and questions related to the disease in a notebook and compare them with the medical team handling the case. It must be remembered that each person and each process has its characteristics and therefore, it is better to inform yourself about the particular situation.
4. Continue day to day, the world does not stop
Even though it seems like the world has stopped, The day to day must continue, regardless of whether the prognosis is more or less favorable It may seem insensitive, but it is for the good of the sick person and those around them. We must make an effort so that cancer is not the protagonist, and open spaces and moments to relax, as far as possible, and find small things that generate well-being.
In this sense, it is not necessary to make a list of “things to do before you die” and do them, but perhaps The art of valuing the little things and enriching everyday life is more important: give and water an aromatic plant, play, walk, remember good times, cook, see the sea, look at photographs, movies, listen to music…
It is possible that there is demotivation, lack of appetite or difficulty in undertaking some activities. If this happens, we can base our actions on a simple and very powerful objective: laugh. Laughter is involved in the generation of opiates (natural substances secreted by the brain to deal with pain) and is one of the most powerful tools.
Tell jokes, anecdotes, stories, or laugh, even half-heartedly, until you achieve authentic laughter and even spread it. You have to try it, few things are as grateful as human laughter. Find a way to make a suffering person laugh It can be one of the most powerful actions you can do right now.
If the severity of the disease makes movement or complex cognitive activities difficult, let us base the action by understanding this concept: nutritious company. In that sense, accompany without forcing, only allowing the person who has cancer to feel accompanied, whether to express their emotions, ask questions, compare opinions or share the silence.
Jaimes, J., Claro, A., Perea, S., & Jaimes, E. (2011). Laughter, an essential complement in the patient’s recovery. Med UIS, 24, 1-6.
