Coitocentrism: Causes And Symptoms Of Obsession With Coitus
We are all born with a few innate abilities that allow us to survive in our environment, such as the sucking instinct or crying that allows us to attract the attention of the adult when the baby has a need. Behaviors that make up a broad repertoire of behaviors that do not require prior learning. The rest of the skills, such as walking, swimming or speaking a language, are acquired throughout life.
In the same way, we acquire skills to relate sexually with other people This learning will be fundamentally conditioned by three variables: the experiences lived, the education received in the immediate environment and the norms that the culture sets at all times through a frame of reference in which we must move.
What is the Framework of Reference in the sexual field?
It is the sexual model that culture has instilled in us and on which we build our way of living and expressing our sexuality.
This framework in our culture (and in many others) marks the red lines on which our sexual behavior should be framed It determines what is right or wrong, what is expected of us based on our age or whether we are a man or a woman.
The reference framework is composed of a structure where four fundamental blocks are identified, which are listed below.
During centuries, It has been understood that reproduction was the most important purpose of the sexual relationship This has fortunately changed in recent decades, reproduction takes a backseat in favor of the pleasurable goal.
2. The frame of reference is Coitocentric
Given the importance that reproduction has had until recently in sexual relations, intercourse or vaginal penetration has represented the practice of choice during sex since the distant past, as it is the behavior that most increases the probability of fertilizing. This idea has been perpetuated and remains active in the present.
Thus, Intercourse, instead of being interpreted as just another sexual practice, is considered the center of sexual relations, everything revolves around him, hence the term “Coitocentrist”. A clear example of this has been the importance that over the centuries has been given to “virginity”, that is, to the first time vaginal intercourse is performed.
3. Sex = genitals
If the priority purpose of the relationship is the reproductive and to reproduce I need to have intercourse, to have intercourse I need genitals. The modesty or need that almost everyone feels to hide this part of our body in most contexts (something obligatory when going to a public pool for example) justifies this idea.
The association we learn between sex and genitals is so powerful that it prevents us from understanding a sexual relationship without genitals The importance that culture has given to the size of the penis associated with sexual potency/pleasure also explains why the genitals are considered a vital piece of sexuality in the frame of reference.
The frame of reference that we learn is sexist, since it attributes to men a series of priorities and obligations in the sexual sphere and to women others. In heterosexual relationships, the man always has to want sex, he must provide pleasure to the woman and cannot make a mistake, that is, he has to have an erection in each relationship in addition to having to last at least as long as she needs to. reach your orgasm, among other obligations.
Women, on the other hand, should not show their sexual desire too much to avoid being branded as “lightweight.” you have to include the emotional in your sexual relationships (so as not to do “sex for sex”) and enjoy the sound that the man sets, among others.
How to combat coitocentrism?
Focusing excessive attention on intercourse can lead to undesirable consequences such as the appearance of sexual dysfunctions (premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, etc.). Therefore, it is convenient to think that:
In short, being critical or at least reasoning about the positive and negative consequences of what culture sometimes imposes on us and choosing the option that best suits our tastes (even choosing to be very coitocentric), will make us freer in many areas. , also in the sexual.
