Most parents want to raise our children to be successful and happy adults, we think too much about that goal and perhaps not as much about how to do it. One of the most common mistakes What we commit is to be too aware of the behavior they have at a given moment, rather than the reason for that behavior, what they want to achieve, that is where we have to pay attention. When we talk about babies for example, we know that they cry to achieve certain needs “eating, hygiene, sleeping”, it is their way of communicating.
When we talk about older children, things get complicated, since their repertoire of behaviors is greater and sometimes it is not so easy to decipher. Many times from the outside it is very easy to give opinions and give guidelines, in fact we are constantly subjected to people’s judgments, “do this, do that, put this and put that”, but the parenting reality It is known from within, from one’s own experience of motherhood and fatherhood.
Keys to giving our children a good childhood
1. Agree on our parenting
The most important thing and what we do have to be faithful to is the mutual agreement of parents or the people who are in charge of raising the child, whether they are grandparents, uncles, caregivers, whoever, everyone who is in charge of raising a child must be very clear that they must be in harmony, it is not worth The father does one thing, the grandmother does another, and the uncle does another, and I know that it is very difficult, and many times disputes arise, because it seems that raising is a parent’s thing and pampering is a matter for other relatives, and this is fine, but always within certain limits.
Children They are very impressionable we cannot educate them in different ways, very serious problems can occur, not only for the child but also for their environment. If this is not clear, many couples even break up for not talking about these things in time, so let’s not let it happen. Let’s always talk about it, we all want the good of our children, by doing this we are favoring them, not trying to bother the other, which is what is often thought, it is about reaching agreements, not imposing ourselves on the other person, always, I always repeat, thinking about the benefit of the child.
3. Respect their needs
Returning to the topic of looking at the needs that children pursue with different behaviors, when the baby grows his repertoire of behaviors increases, crying is not so much the mode of communication, there begins to be a great variety of responses to different needs and everything becomes more complicated, we have to find out why. What does that do, what does it want, in what context does it do it. Most of the time the problem is not in the behavior or the need they pursue, but rather in the response that parents give to those situations, such as punishment or scolding. Be careful with this, I’m not saying no. We have to punish or scold, of course we have to do it, but the desired effect is not always achieved, so when a contingency is not having the result we expect, we have to change the response, that response may be useful in other situations, but in this one It is not serving us and we have to look for an alternative, because when this happens, it becomes counterproductive, meaning that not only do we not end the problem but we are also making it worse.
The way to look for an alternative is arm ourselves with patience and, as much as it costs us, not to pay so much attention to the behavior but rather to find out its purpose. On many occasions, parents find themselves fighting with their child, when you want them to listen to you about something and the child doesn’t want to, and you repeat it a thousand times and the child doesn’t want to, and we go crazy because we say “no? I tell you yes, you do it,” Here begins a tantrum of kicking, crying and so on, many times the father wins, many times the son wins because there is nothing left but to give in. When the father wins, the child does not learn a lesson, what the child is learning is that he has lost that battle, and I do not think it is good to teach a child to lose. When the son wins, imagine what happens, that he learns that this is what he always has to do because he has achieved it. We must try not to get carried away by the situation or take it as a pulse, what is necessary is to take a deep breath and make use of our emotional intelligence and act, not put ourselves at their level, but rather look for the consequence,”If you don’t do this, then you don’t go to the park.“, depending on the reinforcers they are used to, you have to be very clear about the limits and rules you impose, and the children have to know them and they must even establish themselves together, in a kind of family assembly.
If we help children adapt to the rules we will be facilitating the development of certain abilities It is also important to let them make decisions for themselves within those limits, for example letting them choose their clothes as long as if it is cold it is winter clothing, this way their problem-solving capacity will increase, because when we overprotect we are removing opportunities to continue developing fully.
Childhood is a very important stage in the development of people, and one of the things that will most influence learning and performance of functions is feeling safe, and we adults are responsible for providing that security to the child. , that they know that we are there to always help them, that they know that their mistakes will not cost them dearly.
