The personality is built throughout life, but always with a base, that base is the formation of the “I”, when there are flaws in this formation, then problems appear.
The construction failures of the “I” will be the reflection of the setbacks that people will experience throughout their lives and that will sometimes upset them.
What are failures in the construction of the self?
The greater the range of “I X” responses that adults are not able to put under private control of the child, the greater number of problems he may develop in his life experiences. These problems, which are due to an incorrect construction of the “I”, can be reflected as an “insecure or unstable self”, in a difficulty with spontaneity, creativity and in accessing the “true self”, or even in a disorder narcissistic. In a more serious way, these problems can manifest themselves in borderline or multiple personality disorders.
He “insecure or unstable self” She is a person who feels alone when no one is there and at the same time stops being herself when she is with others. They have difficulty knowing what they feel or want. During childhood they often have parents who have difficulty separating their own desires or needs from those of their children. They also show extreme sensitivity to the opinions of others. As an example so that the reader can imagine a situation, something very common that parents do is encourage their child to do what they really want.”Don’t you feel like going to the cinema today?“Really, the one who wants to go to the movies is the parents, the correct thing would be to let the child choose the plan they want to do, in this way we are helping the development of their independence and decision-making.
Regarding the difficulty for spontaneity, creativity and access to “real me”, these are usually people with a history of punishment and few opportunities to do things. It is very difficult to be a creative person if there is no experimentation, it is necessary to get confused many times to learn from mistakes and find alternatives accidentally, exploration is very beneficial for development. These people can create two types of personalities: an external, perfect personality, and another internal, immature and childish personality. With this I do not mean that children should always be allowed to do what they want, I always emphasize that they must be allowed to experiment within limits, but it is necessary to give them options to do so.
What can cause a failure in the construction of the self?
He narcissistic disorder It is represented in an unstable person, who has been reinforced in a superficial way by appearing charming and outstanding. They have poor private control, rely excessively on external reinforcers, and are often manipulative. We must reinforce the natural behaviors of children, that they be themselves, not that they try to be another way to please or get things.
People with Borderline personality disorder They are very dependent on others. In their history they have usually had parents who undervalue them and punish them for thinking differently than them, they behave in one way or another depending on who they are with. They are very unstable people. They have had an invalidating family environment that has not allowed them to show their emotions as they felt them and has simplified them. If a child cries because they have hurt themselves, even if we believe that they have not hurt themselves, let them cry, do not tell them that it is a lie, let them show at every moment how they feel without repressing them.
Multiple personality disorder is usually product of childhood trauma, usually in the family environment and usually due to some type of abuse. They develop a different personality with the abuser, when they find themselves in front of him they really want to run away, but they stay and obey even if they are scared, to protect themselves. For this reason they can develop different personalities.
All these problems do not happen overnight, they have a contingency history that are maintained over time, let’s not think that by making a mistake we are going to create an adult with problems. Sometimes it is very difficult to know where the limits are, most of us believe that we always act correctly and educating is not easy at all.
