In psychology there has always been interest in knowing the meaning of dreams. Authors like Freud and Jung tried to elucidate what the symbols that each person can see in their own dream world could represent.
Many patients, concerned about what they have witnessed while immersed in that world that only seems to appear in the depths of the dark night, ask themselves: What does it mean to dream about your ex?
Although this does not necessarily mean that we are obsessed with our exes, it should be noted that it may have certain implications, which we will see below.
As Calderón de la Barca said several centuries ago, ‘life is a dream and dreams are dreams’, that is, our daily reality and the world that is projected when we go to sleep are not so separated from each other. . They seem to interact in one way or another, being the daytime needs and desires, but subconscious, represented in a more symbolic way in our dreams.
Psychoanalysis, led by authors such as Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung, tried to elucidate the possible meaning of the dream world, looking for any clue that would explain both the psychopathology of their patients and possible problems whose cause did not seem to be earthly. They came to the conclusion that dreams They represent aspects of our lives that are stored in the subconscious and that we cannot find a solution to them while we are awake.
This is why dreaming about an ex can be interpreted as something especially worrying, especially if we are already dating a new partner. When our previous boyfriend or girlfriend appears to us in our dreams, as if it were a ghost, it causes us fear because we can interpret it as an indicator that we are not comfortable with our partner or that we are still in love or, even, obsessed by our previous relationship.
Although psychoanalysis has contributed to psychology taking shape, and its vision of the dream world is made from a relatively scientific perspective, there is no empirical evidence that the psychoanalytic postulates about dreams are true, although, of course, they are interesting.
When does it become worrying?
Dreaming about an ex is not as dramatic as it might seem at first. Although it can be interpreted as a sign that we have not overcome that relationship, the truth is that these types of dreams are very common, even when we are happily married to the love of our life. There are many reasons that could be behind this phenomenon, without necessarily being a matter of concern.
The problem comes when these types of dreams become very frequent. We are not talking about, at a specific moment, while we are sleeping, we dream about that girlfriend or boyfriend from high school, our first love, the first kiss or the last time we saw one of our previous relationships. Dreaming about an ex repeatedly means that something could be wrong with our current partner, and we should try to find a solution.
The main reason may be that, being in the current relationship, We feel emotional deficiencies or we are going through love problems which make us think of relationships that, although they already had their outcome, these, at some point in their history, were happier than the situation in which we find ourselves now.
However, there is another reason that is radically opposite to the previous one. The reason why our ex appears to us in dreams is not because we are experiencing a current relationship that is worse than the previous one, but rather because the end of our previous love affair ended so badly that there are still wounds to heal. The outcome was so disastrous that, although we do not want that relationship to arise again, we do believe that We need to settle things well, in a healthy way for both former members of the couple.
Another reason why these types of dreams appear is insecurity. It is normal that, when starting to date a new partner, the relationship is not seen as something stable, even though love comforts us pleasantly and we live in a world of fantasy and color. The ghosts of past relationships and their failure, whether milder or more tragic, is something that influences our way of starting a new relationship. Memories of our previous partners appear and make us think that, perhaps, this relationship will fail.
These memories make us aware of how little success our previous relationships had, no matter how healthy its ending was, emerge while we sleep, as an indicator that we are paying attention to the relationship and that there is a possibility that it will not go well. This can be bad, since it can make us believe that relationships are not our thing and that we will end up alone sooner or later, or very good, since it invites us to be cautious and avoid making the same mistakes as in previous ones.
Although you can dream about an ex in multiple ways and in various contexts, copulating with him or her is something that especially draws the attention of the individual who has had the dream. Given the obvious sexual nature of the dream, doubts about how satisfied our current partner is in bed are not long overdue.
But, really, the meaning of this type of dream, more than the simple fact of being sexually uncomfortable with the current partner or that the previous relationship gave more pleasure in bed than the one we are dating now, is a little deeper. It may mean that you long to be intimate with that person, although it may be true that a part of us wants to fulfill our most sexual and carnal desire. However, it can mean that we are not sexually satisfied with our current relationship.
It is normal to have erotic dreams about an ex, given that that person has not passed through our lives as if they were anyone. That person offered us stimuli, both sexual and other but pleasurable, which, at the moment the relationship broke down, we stopped receiving. These stimuli, as if it were a drug, had hooked our brain. Being alone or with a new partner, We must try to get our mind used to living without the sensual stimuli of the previous relationship.
Your ex and someone else
Dreaming about an ex while making love is something that worries you, but it turns out to be much more distressing to dream about that same person but while doing it with your new partner. It is unpleasant, on most occasions, to imagine how our ex, with whom we shared so much and with whom we gave a lot of intimacy, now lives in the most intimate way possible with another person who, simply, is not us.
We continue to maintain, unconsciously, a bond of relevance to that ex, despite the fact that the relationship has already been broken and, in truth, we are now linked to different people. Even though we consciously know that we are not going out with him or her, the feeling of seeing him or her with another person is jealousy.
As we were already saying, dreaming about an ex does not necessarily mean something bad, but it does not hurt to try to see what the origin of this dream is, especially if it becomes recurring and causes us discomfort once we open the doors. eyes.
If the reason why our ex appears to us in dreams is because we consider that the relationship could have ended in a better way, it is not a bad option to try, after a while, to meet up with him or her again. Time is necessary so that, if the rupture was especially traumatic, the more superficial wounds heal while those that we want to solve will become the reason why we want to see that person again.
It should be said that if you try to take this path, two situations may arise: either our ex does not want to know anything about us or something similar has happened to him, or he wants to find a definitive and healthy solution to the tension and remain friends. or, at least, as adults who are capable of talking and solving problems.
On the other hand, if the cause of all this is insecurity or you are experiencing a situation of special tension with the current relationship, the best option is go to couples therapy. Whether due to some type of dissatisfaction in bed, or due to conflicts of various kinds, the best way to avoid comparing our relationship with a previous one while asleep is to go to a professional, and explain the content of the dreams, relating them to the situation in question. the one the couple passes by.
It is possible that, depending on the psychological current of the professional, he or she opts for a more symbolic vision, as psychoanalysis does, or approaches it in a more scientific way, focusing on couple dynamics, presenting therapeutic programs that will take place both in consult as in the home or the space shared by both lovers.
