How To Recognize Someone With Low Self-esteem: 4 Simple Tips
Psychologists are trained to immediately recognize the indicators that a patient has low self-esteem. But… what about ordinary people, who do not have further studies in psychology?
Whether you’re just starting to date someone, have changed jobs and now have a new boss, or want to make new friends, here are some simple tips to help you. They will help you identify when a person has low self-esteem so that you are prepared and better prepared in the event of any conflict.
These are some of the characteristics that allow you to recognize someone with low self-esteem.
1. Pessimistic bias about themselves
People with low self-esteem, by definition, have a low opinion of themselves. This leads them to believe that others see them as they see themselves, in a very unfavorable way. They assume that if they feel unintelligent, interesting, or attractive, it is because they necessarily are unintelligent, interesting, or attractive.
They lose sight of the fact that their own negative opinion is not reality, but just one possible opinion among many others. But of course, since this idea is the product of their own thinking, and thinking is an invisible process, they end up confusing what they believe with what others believe.
“People realize I’m stupid,” a patient told me. “That opinion is yours, we don’t know what others think,” I replied. “We could ask them.”
I put this point first because it is what those who follow below rely on.
2. Search for external validation
Those who have low self-esteem They need praise and flattery like the air they breathe. In this sense, they are demanding and extremely sensitive. They invest great efforts seeking recognition from others that makes them feel a little better.
I once overheard a girl say to what seemed to be her romantic interest, “I’m the ugliest person in the world.” She was undoubtedly looking for the boy to respond something like: “Not at all. “I have met much uglier people than you.”
For someone with impaired self-esteem, A comment like that can represent great comfort and encouragement.
3. Tendency towards personalization and self-references
People who go through this way of perceiving reality They attribute malevolence to other people when things do not go as they expected. They become convinced that others are deliberately trying to harm them, even in ambiguous cases or in the absence of compelling reasons to think so.
When this happens, they typically respond in two opposite and stereotypical ways: they become distressed and depressed, or they become defensive and then fight back. A third option combines the previous two.
“Do you think you have any share of responsibility for what happened?” I asked a patient who had just told me about an argument with his partner.
“Are you telling me I’m to blame for everything?” he replied, visibly angry.
4. Extreme comments about your virtues
Another typical characteristic of these people is that they frequently disqualify themselves, or on the contrary, they exaggerate and magnify their own achievements, especially when they are small or not very relevant.
They are easily recognized when you hear them talk about their profession or work, which they come to consider of unusual importance or sometimes the panacea itself. They need to believe that to feel like they have an important place in the world.
Not long ago, I heard two astrologers arguing on a television show.
“Astrology is a science,” one of them vehemently asserted. “No, it is not. It is just a discipline, but not a science,” said the other, visibly more relaxed. “I tell you, yes, it is a science! I have dedicated my entire life to astrology and I tell you, it is a science!”
Now let the reader guess which of the two women has low self-esteem and which has solid self-esteem.
