How Does Couples Therapy Work In Asymmetric Relationships?
Love alone is not enough to sustain a long-lasting and healthy relationship. Other fundamental elements are required, such as respect, empathy and collaboration. However, in asymmetric relationships, where there is an imbalance of power, these boundaries become blurred, which generates conflicts and frustrations.
Couples therapy, in this context, can be like a light that illuminates the couple towards a more harmonious and equitable path. With the therapist’s expert guidance, both partners will be able to examine behavioral patterns in their relationship, develop effective communication skills, and build a solid foundation for a future together.
What do we mean when we talk about asymmetry in relationships? Well, asymmetric relationships are characterized by inequality between their members, where one exercises greater power, control and receives more emotional attention than the other. This dynamic can occur in various areas, including relationships, friendships, and even broader social contexts.
There is something important to clarify: an asymmetric relationship is not necessarily bad. For example, it is perfectly understood that between a teacher and a student; between a father and a son and even between a boss and a collaborator, a certain asymmetry is generated. In fact, it is necessary in a certain way to maintain order; The important thing is that they are based on respect and mutual care. But when asymmetry translates into abuse, manipulation or violence it becomes a problem to be solved.
In couples’ relationships, the ideal is that this imbalance does not exist… But it exists. This asymmetry can manifest itself in various ways. In the case of couples, for example, a marked inequality can be observed in decision-making, the distribution of responsibilities or even in access to economic resources.
Unlike symmetrical relationships, where individuals are on equal terms, asymmetrical relationships are based on disparity. One person assumes a dominant and controlling role, while the other is relegated to a position of submission and, at times, complacency.
The possibility of this happening lies in the conception of values that both parties in the relationship share. When both perceive sacrifice and dedication as beneficial, they will work together in harmony and collaboration. However, if only one of those involved does so, situations of exploitation and abuse of power can arise, which creates a toxic environment and an emotional cycle when thinking that the relationship falls solely on one person.
How do I know if I am in an asymmetric relationship?
In order to solve the problems that arise in an asymmetric relationship, it is first important to recognize that you are in one. Let’s see what some of those signs are to identify them.
1. Imbalance in effort and sacrifices
One party always gives the most, works hard to maintain the relationship, and makes the most sacrifices. One member of the couple does not seem to correspond to the same level of commitment or effort. There is a constant feeling of exhaustion or resentment due to the lack of reciprocity.
Inability to express needs and opinions in a natural and fluid way. Feeling of incomprehension on the part of the couple. Arguments are frequent and are usually unproductive. Feeling of being constantly judged or criticized.
3. Disparity in decision making
One party often makes important decisions without consulting the other. The less dominant part feels like it has no control over its own life. Difficulty saying “no” to the requests of the partner with greater control.
4. Emotional dependence
Feeling of inadequacy to take care of oneself. One party’s self-esteem depends on their partner’s approval. The less dominant partner may isolate themselves from friends and family to avoid conflicts with their partner.
5. Control and manipulation
One party controls or manipulates through emotional blackmail, jealousy, or guilt. Someone in the relationship makes the other person feel guilty for their wants or needs. Limitation of your personal freedom or even prohibition of seeing certain people.
6. Emotional or physical violence
There may be insults, humiliation or threats. In extreme cases, verbal or physical violence can occur. Feeling of fear of the partner or feeling of inability to leave the relationship.
How couples therapy improves my relationship
Couples therapy can be an invaluable tool for overcoming power imbalances and asymmetries in a relationship. An experienced therapist can guide the couple through a process of exploring and understanding the dynamics underlying their issues, creating a safe space for honest dialogue and empathy. Below are some of the benefits of couples therapy to improve an asymmetrical relationship:
The therapist helps the couple identify interaction patterns that contribute to asymmetry, such as passive-aggressive communication, constant criticism, or unilateral decision making.
2. Develop communication skills
In couples therapy for asymmetric relationships, assertive and respectful communication techniques are taught allowing both members of the couple to express their needs and feelings effectively.
3. Strengthen empathy
Part of the therapist’s mission in a relationship in which there is obvious inequality will be to foster mutual empathy, helping each person understand the other’s perspective and experiences.
4. Set healthy boundaries
The inability to set limits can become a big problem in relationships. That’s why, In couples therapy we work on establishing clear and healthy limits within the relationship, avoiding codependency and excessive control.
5. Negotiate equitable agreements
Disparity is the most evident characteristic in asymmetric relationships, which is why it is important that couples therapy provides tools to facilitate the negotiation of equitable agreements regarding responsibilities, decision-making and the distribution of power within the relationship. relationship.
6. Encourage individual growth
To evolve as a couple it is also important to evolve as an individual. Therapy can help each individual work on their own personal growth, increasing their self-esteem and assertiveness.
Couples therapy is not a magic solution, and requires the commitment and willingness of both partners to work together. The process can be challenging at times, but with the right guidance, couples can overcome asymmetries and build a healthier, more equitable, and satisfying relationship
