How Do I Know If I Suffer From Wendy Syndrome In My Relationships?
Wendy syndrome is one of those examples that regularly sacrificing ourselves for the well-being of others does not have to be something beautiful or desirable, especially when we do so at the expense of our physical or mental health. That is why it is important to know if something like this is happening to us.
In this article I will talk about how to detect Wendy syndrome both in couple relationships and in family relationships, such as when caring for children or younger nephews.
The term “Wendy syndrome” is used to refer to a pattern of problematic behavior in which a person sees themselves in the need to constantly satisfy others even if it harms one’s own most fundamental interests and needsand that occurs because of the fear of rejection.
That is to say, the person who suffers from this problem assumes a role not only of total submission to a person or a group of people who are special to him, but also adopts a very active role in this role of satisfying the desires of others and is always alert to the possibility that it does not “measure up” and may no longer be valued or accepted by those it serves.
So, it is not simply a matter of believing that you have to sacrifice everything to make someone happy just for the sake of it (something that would already be problematic, too), but rather Above all, we fear the possibility of being abandoned or rejected.. Due to the nature of this psychological alteration, it occurs above all in couple relationships or in the behavior of fathers and mothers towards their children, especially when the latter are children or very young.
Of course, Wendy syndrome is not considered a mental disorder because it has not been developed in the context of scientific research, but rather in that of dissemination and journalism. Now, there are some psychological disorders that correspond well with its characteristics, especially Dependency Personality Disorder. But it must be taken into account that the diagnosis of this pathology is only made by mental health professionals, and that in addition, to consider that it is present in a person, several specific criteria must be met that are not met by everyone who suffers from mental health problems. dependence and fear of abandonment.
How can I tell if Wendy syndrome is affecting me?
As I have anticipated, there is no concrete way to delimit the distinction between “good mental health”, on the one hand, and “Wendy syndrome”, on the other, because the latter has not been described in detail in diagnostic manuals nor defined exactly. from scientific consensus.
Therefore, to know if you suffer from something that can be considered “Wendy syndrome” deep down, what you have to do is ask yourself: if the dynamics of relationships with others are weighing us down with the fear of abandonment or rejection, or, on the contrary, we support these people more because of how good this fact makes you feel. To better guide you in this task of self-reflection, I will leave you several guidelines and questions to take into account. Obviously, not all of these “red flags” have to be met for you to have a problem of this kind.
1. Do you notice that gender roles pressure you to care for others?
The “Wendy syndrome” It is named in reference to Wendy Darling, a fictional character from the story of Peter Pan. that, despite the fact that at the beginning of the narrative she is characterized by not wanting to grow up and become an adult, when she travels to the world of Neverland she begins to constantly take care of the Lost Boys, even though she is not even of legal age and You can’t do it properly.
This is not coincidental; Peter Pan syndrome feeds heavily on the gender roles of the self-sacrificing mother and wife, which in many cases are even interchangeable and are defined by the task of “being there” for other people, helping them and solving their problems. even if they don’t ask for it, thinking in advance for others. That is why Women tend to assume more easily that they must serve even if no favors are asked of them.because it is what is expected of them in the domestic context.
2. Have you assumed that you cannot be happy without your “better half”?
In relationships, Wendy syndrome can manifest itself through the belief that Once the love relationship you are in has started, you can no longer be happy apart from that person.. It is the myth of the better half, as if you both became a single living being.
This idea is so harmful that it drags us towards desperate compliance with all the requirements that we believe we have to meet so that the other person does not leave us. That is, we put her in a situation where she can blackmail us (and it is worse if the other person realizes this and takes advantage of it with their own ends in mind).
3. Do you have obsessive thoughts anticipating him leaving?
In the most extreme cases, the fear of abandonment It is reflected in intrusive thoughts related to rejection or the idea that that person is going to leave our lives.. It is also common that nightmares often arise about this topic.
4. Does the possibility of him being angry with you terrify you?
Beyond cases of abuse in which anger may precede physical or verbal attacks, it may occur that Even if the other person doesn’t usually get very angry or hostile towards us when that happens, we are terrified of the idea that we are going to make them feel that way.. Therefore, behaviors arise of constantly checking and verifying that everything is fine and they have no reason to bother with us. This is so exhausting that it leads to an almost constant accumulation of stress and problems sleeping well.
Do you want to have psychological assistance and learn to better manage your relationships?
If you are interested in having professional psychological support to overcome your fear of rejection, strengthen your self-esteem and learn to relate in a healthy and fluid way with others, contact me.
My name is Thomas Saint Cecilia and I am a psychologist specialized in the cognitive behavioral model; I work for individuals who need help, as well as with couples and even business groups. In addition, sessions can be carried out both in person and through the online format by video call.
