What Is Psychotherapy Like When Grieving The Death Of A Child?
Of all the deaths that we can experience in our environment, that of a child is one of those that can be the most traumatic. No father or mother expects to survive his child, much less when he or she dies while still very young.
Grieving the death of a child is one of the most difficult processes that parents can go through and, if not properly managed, it can degenerate into pathological grief.
This is why it is so important psychotherapy when grieving the death of a childa question that we are going to talk about in the following lines and we are going to break down how parents experience this process.
Although death is the only certainty that exists in this life, it is still a taboo topic in our society. The impediment to talking about death openly is even more noticeable when it comes to the death of a child.. In these cases the tendency is to hide it even more, considering it inappropriate and very tactless to bring up the topic or address it in a conversation with family members, much less with the parents of the deceased.
It is true that time can heal the sadness and pain that the death of a child brings, but in many cases it is necessary to address it openly to avoid developing pathological grief. This is especially important since the death of a child is one of the most traumatic events anyone can face. This is why psychotherapy is so necessary when grieving the death of a child.
But before talking about the importance of psychotherapy and its role in coping with the death of a child, let’s talk about what is meant by grief. Since there are few occasions when we can talk openly about death, we will take advantage now. Grief is defined as a normal adaptive response to a significant event for the person, which can be the death of a loved one, a breakup, or the loss of a job.
Grieving someone’s death It does not stop being part of our life, but despite this it does not stop being a painful and stressful life process either.. This pain reaches titanic proportions when the deceased is our child, entering into an extremely heartbreaking episode for which no parent is prepared. Children are supposed to survive their parents, not the other way around.
Grief is a very complex process, experienced in a unique and unrepeatable way, with great impact on the emotions of those who experience it. The duration of this process is highly variable, although specialists agree that it ranges from six months to a year, during which various phases are lived and gone through (denial, anger, negotiation, depression and acceptance). This does not mean that after a year everyone has completely recovered. Everyone experiences it in their own way, and the consequences that come after are also very varied and unique.
The duration and intensity of grief depends on multiple factors, being the relationship and relationship with the deceased person the parameter that most predicts how intense and prolonged this period will be. The type of death also affects, since it is not the same to experience the death of a family member who had been ill for years as opposed to one who has suffered a sudden and violent death.
It can happen, as surprising as it may seem to some, that grief can be experienced without the person being aware that they are going through it. The level of consciousness is relative.
Characteristics of mourning the death of a child
The death of a child is a highly traumatic and difficult event. No father expects his son or daughter to die before him. For this reason, we can say that the characteristics of grief over the death of a child are very different from those expected from grief caused by the death of another family member, which, although still painful, is not as painful as the loss of a loved one. a son. If this child was an only child or a newborn, the death can be even more traumatic.
Between the characteristics of grief over the death of a child shared with the rest of grief we find:
Between the emotional and behavioral patterns shared by parents who have just lost a child we find:
Therapy for grieving the death of a child
Coping with the death of a child is a process full of valleys rather than peaks, for which the help of a professional is essential to overcome it in the most natural and healthy way possible.
It is necessary for parents and the rest of the family to establish fluid communication about the feelings and emotional difficulties associated with the process instead of trying to hide everything by trying to be strong.
Since parents will be devastated as soon as their child dies, it is highly necessary that they delegate household chores and other daily habits to family and acquaintances willing to help them in these difficult times. Things as simple as going shopping or cleaning the dishes become titanic tasks for a person who has just lost her child and, although they don’t want to admit it, they need help. The psychologist will be the one who helps them regain normality after a process of restorative therapy.
In therapy with parents who have just suffered the death of a child, the following two aspects are mainly worked on.
Talk openly about what happened
One of the objectives is get parents to talk openly about their child’s death as a way to manage the feelings that this experience produced in them. This also focuses on getting them to assertively say how they feel to trusted people, to avoid isolating themselves and, also, so that the environment plays a therapeutic role when seeing parents who continue to need help, no matter how much they need help. Outward appearance does not suggest it.
On many occasions it happens that these parents run the risk of isolating themselves because, although the first days they are supported by their social circle, after a while these acquaintances resume their activities, returning to their routines. But for parents, not returning to the routine is not so easy, since they will continue with a deceased child forever.
That is why it is so important that they achieve find that person in your environment with whom you do feel understood. If that person also participates in therapy, attending sessions with the clinician and the parent, the better.
With the help of the psychologist, parents are also able to return to their old routines and get out of depression by becoming active. The therapist will motivate them to begin little by little to do things to regain their normality, such as exercising, setting times to go to bed and get up, maintain personal hygiene, return to work, take care of their diet… All of this will facilitate their healing process. gain strength to better face the duel.
Acceptance
One of the keys to the grieving process that will determine how healthy it ends up being is acceptance.. Since the entire process is very personal, accepting the loss after the death of a child helps parents overcome the pain and close the grieving process in a non-traumatic way and with the fewest possible consequences.
With acceptance, sadness, which will not cease to be present, will be more adaptive, giving rise to other emotions that will allow you to live your life. Acceptance will be a key aspect for parents to gradually return to the activities that they previously felt pleasure in and to make them feel that they have a purpose in life, that life is worth living.
In therapy Parents are made aware that by feeling happy they are not betraying their child’s memory.. On the contrary, they are made to know that surely his son, wherever he is, wanted them to be happy and move forward.
