We live in troubled and turbulent times, we have had a long season in which our lives have been surprised by more or less intense changes that have posed an unprecedented challenge to the ability to adapt to many people.
We are not going to compare suffering or situations of discomfort, since there are people who have lost a loved one, or perhaps more than one; Others have lost jobs, social status, friendships or any other issue that was relevant in their lives. But One of the losses that has increased in this special context has been that of the couple’s relationship..
The process of developing discomfort in the face of a couple’s breakup
The first aspect to consider in a romantic breakup is precisely this idea of loss. As a consequence of this, a grieving process is triggered, with its typical phases that must be worked through and overcome. The phases of grief, according to Elisabeth Kübler-RossThey are denial, anger, negotiation, depression, and acceptance. These stages do not develop in a sequential and orderly manner, but rather can be understood as a model of pain and loss management that each person goes through. Other authors add some more phases in the process such as confusion, guilt and restoration as a moment of solution and overcoming the breakup.
When a couple breaks up their relationship, there can be many possible scenarios, from what we see as an acute crisis in which we respond in a forceful and drastic way, to what is presented as the result of slow and prolonged wear and tear. in which there are no longer credible recovery options.
In between we can find the disloyalty of one of the members of the couple towards the other, interference from bad habits that strain someone’s patience, or an endless number of situations that determine personal relationships.
Either way, The first feeling that many people have is that the breakup dismantles their world., their safe and known universe, and they may come to think that they will not be able to move forward or face some tasks or challenges, from daily routines, to day-to-day organization, to family responsibilities, to name a few. examples. The idea of “I’m not going to be able to move forward”, “I’m not going to be able to handle it all”, “this can’t be happening to me”, is accompanied by confusion, doubts, bewilderment and, perhaps, despair. . Rarely, at the moment of the breakup, is it believed that it will be a process that leads to something better, greater internal calm or new opportunities to consider life.
We are not going to go into the difficulties involved in the entire process of negotiating the breakup, not because they are not important, which they clearly are, but because it would mean expanding on something that could be discussed in another article. What is important is to face that moment, working on detachment and considering that personal well-being must be prioritized to get stuck in the idea of loss.
In many breakups, the idea of guilt appears, both for the behaviors that have occurred throughout the coexistence or relationship, as well as for the decision to leave him, and even for the first decision to choose that person as a partner. . Despite the importance of these reflections, They are not very useful thoughts and only serve to feed the depression or anger phase..
Let’s talk about actions we can take to soften the negative consequences of the breakup as much as possible and buy some time for acceptance and recovery.
The first thing is to strengthen healthy and correct habits and routines; It is a basic but absolutely fundamental principle to take care of your diet and rest, and to do some physical activity. Even if it is difficult to sleep or eat, you have to insist on it and, if necessary, go to professionals.
The next thing could be put priorities in order without leaving aside what you need and what is truly important to you. Maybe you are not in the habit of doing it, but it is time to dedicate some time and raise things that were relegated for another time. Redefine yourself as a person, identify your principles and values and decide how to honor them so that they are present in your life.
Look for social and friendship relationships, look for more, try doing a new activity or recover something that interested you before. Avoid isolating yourself and feeding feelings of loneliness and abandonment. It may be difficult, but insist, because insistence is the basis of many successes in life.
Learn to trust yourself more, to realize that you are the most reliable person for you., you will always be there, for the good and the bad. And, if you want, if the time comes, open yourself up again to the possibility of meeting another person with whom you can feel special moments again. It may seem difficult to you, but it is not impossible, you just have to work at it and you can do it with professional support. Forward.
If you think you need help to successfully face the recovery process from a breakup, it is essential that you turn to mental health professionals as soon as possible.
In psychotherapy sessions it is possible to learn to overcome the patterns of behavior, thinking and management of emotions that lead us to become emotionally stagnant or directly feed the problem. To take action as soon as possible, start a psychotherapy process, whether in person or online.
