My Psychologist Does Not Want To See Me: 5 Possible Causes
Going to a psychologist is a process that, without a doubt, offers us many benefits. It allows us to learn a little more about ourselves, what problems we may be experiencing in our lives and how to solve them.
In most cases the therapist will listen carefully to our experiences, what we feel, what we think could be the origin of our problems. He or she will try to give us a solution, accepting us as patients. Or not.
Sometimes it happens that the psychologist chooses to reject the patient. Patients who have experienced this think: “why doesn’t my psychologist want to see me?”. Today we are going to answer this question.
Strange as it may seem, a psychologist can reject a person who comes to his consultation. Not all therapists are going to treat everyone who wants their services. There may be a set of factors in which the therapist decides that it is best not for him to carry out the psychotherapy, and in most cases they have to do with aspects of professional ethics.
What we must understand is that every psychologist wants the best for the patient. The principle of beneficence is one of the ethical values by which the professional practice of the psychologist is governed. This is why, if the therapist finds himself unable to satisfy him, far from applying a therapy that he does not know if it will be successful, he chooses to refer. In these cases the phrase is common: “I’m sorry, I can’t be your therapist. Here I give you a list of contacts of other professionals that I trust and who can help you.”
Among the main reasons why a psychologist refuses to give treatment to someone who comes to his consultation, or decides to end a therapy that has been started, we have the risk of dual relationships forming , not being able to treat the patient’s psychological problem or having some type of possible conflict with the patient. Good psychologists are those who know when they cannot care for their patients, and choose to refer them to other therapists who they know can.
Below we will see the main 5 reasons why a psychologist can refer the patient to another professional, or simply reject it.
1. Not specialized in the patient’s disorder or problem
Psychologists specialized in the clinical field need to train in Clinical Psychology to be able to do psychotherapy, at least in Spain. However, despite having received specific training to treat patients, They are not always prepared for all types of psychological problems.
There are cases in which the complexity of the patient’s disorder prevents the professional from being able to adequately perform his or her job. As we have mentioned, the psychologist is governed by the principle of beneficence and, if he sees that he cannot comply with it, he will choose to refer the patient to another professional more qualified for his specific case.
This is clearly visible in cases where the patient has a personality disorder, eating disorder, autism, some sexual dysfunction or post-traumatic stress disorder. Is about disorders that require very specific and intensive training which is difficult for a general clinical psychologist to possess.
2. Has a previous relationship with the patient
Psychologists often hear in our immediate environment, such as with friends or at family gatherings, phrases like “Now that you are a psychologist, why don’t you treat So-and-So? She needs help and since she is your cousin you can do it for her for free.”
To begin with, we are not going to work for free. We have not studied four years or more to do psychotherapy without receiving anything in return. And secondly, there is the main reason why we cannot intervene: it is unethical.
Treat a friend, a family member or a person with whom we have some type of personal or economic relationship, beyond the psychological one , it’s not going to be a good idea. We will not be able to carry out the therapy in the most neutral way possible, in addition to the fact that our feelings and the previous data we have about the “patient” will prevent us from being able to carry out the process objectively.
For example, let’s imagine that we are doing therapy with our best friend. To begin with, we have a strong relationship with him, so we are going to have a bias about anything he has done, relativizing it or considering it “less bad.” It may also be the case that he confesses something to us that we don’t like, causing our relationship with him to change, negatively affecting both of us.
Since he is our friend, we run the risk that, far from giving the most appropriate treatment for him, we think about our relationship. and only in that. This may mean that we intervene without respecting the principle of beneficence, and we are clearly not acting for the good of our friend.
It is for this reason that any patient who comes for consultation must have met us at the time, without there being a prior relationship of any kind beyond that of a former patient in case that is the case.
3. You are seeing a family member, friend or person close to the patient
Unless the psychologist specializes in couples therapy, family therapy or is a child psychologist, The ideal for any therapist is that they are not treating patients who have a close relationship with each other.
Let’s try to explain this further. Let’s imagine that we are treating a man named Menganito. Menganito comes because he feels betrayed by his friend Paquito, a person we do not know. He begins to talk to us about how Paquito has hurt him, tells us what he thinks about him and, in short, confesses to us a lot of personal aspects of his relationship with this friend of his.
One day, Paquito comes to us, who also wants to receive psychotherapy. He has discovered us in another way, not because Menganito has recommended it to him. Now we are in the situation where we know things about Paquito without him telling us them himself, but rather his friend Menganito. At the same time, we can know things that Menganito has told us that Paquito should know if we want to wish him the best, but we would be revealing secrets.
In this specific case, the psychologist is faced with a rather difficult situation. You have two patients who are closely related to each other, and whatever you do can affect one positively and the other negatively. It may be that by recommending Menganito stay away from Paquito we would do this to this second, in which case we would not be complying with the principle of beneficence. Also, we can tell Paquito things that Menganito has said that affect him, violating the principle of confidentiality.
4. Some characteristic of the patient prevents the therapist from working professionally
Psychologists are also human beings: they have feelings, thoughts and emotions. It may be the case that they cannot care for a patient in any way because they know a personality trait about him or an event from his past that comes into direct conflict with your system of values and beliefs. This makes it impossible for him to practice psychotherapy with that patient in the most professional way possible.
For example, if the therapist is Jewish and receives a patient with a history of having been part of neo-Nazi groups, even if he no longer associates with this type of people, the psychologist will not feel comfortable working with this patient. It is clear that in consultation he will not be able to avoid having prejudices and feel afraid in the presence of the patient. It could even be the case that, unconsciously, he applied a therapy that harmed the patient as “revenge.”
5. You have previously worked with that patient and believe that there is nothing more to do
There are people who will need to go to a psychologist all their lives, others will only need to go for a few years, and the luckiest will only require a few months. Each case is unique and may require more or less healing time, depending on your psychological problem and your ability to progress.
In the most positive cases, it happens that the patient has managed to overcome all the problems for which he or she came to the consultation, making continuing therapy no longer necessary. It is clear that it would be more profitable for the professional to continue the treatment, continuing to charge the patient, but It would be unethical to extend therapy longer than necessary. For this reason, when the end comes, patient and psychologist say goodbye.
What can happen on many occasions is that the patient, despite having arranged everything he had to deal with, needs his psychologist. It’s like it’s an addiction: he feels like he has to see it. The psychologist can see that the patient, when he returns to the consultation, does not do so because he has new problems to treat, but because he longs to go to therapy. As professionals, Therapists must know how to see this situation and specify to the patient that they do not need more therapy. that everything that had to be solved is already solved.
