Toxic Families: 4 Ways They Cause Mental Disorders
One of the most important social institutions is families, since They constitute the fundamental nucleus of socialization and enculturation of individualsespecially in the first years of life.
This means that psychologists, who are in charge of ensuring the emotional and psychological well-being of people, pay close attention to the different interpersonal relationships that develop within families. Not only the personal characteristics of individuals matter: it is also necessary to pay attention to the relationships they establish, especially if these are carried out in the family. That is why the issue of toxic families It’s so important.
The family is not only important for educating children and promoting their learning, but it also generates a series of habits and dynamics that are of great interest due to their influence on the mental disorders that they can generate in some of its members. In fact, psychology carefully observes and studies the ways of organizing in society, and the family, of course, is one of the most important elements.
There are many types of families. Large families, families with only two members, structured, unstructured, happy, apathetic, violent families… a lot depends on the personality of its members and, of course, on the circumstances. Furthermore, each family (if there are children) has its own educational styles: There are more democratic and more authoritarian, there are more open and liberal and also more closed and impermeable.. The family bond established between parents and children is key and will greatly influence the personality, beliefs and mental health of the child.
Some dysfunctional family relationships based on overprotection, abandonment, violence or projection have been widely studied by psychologists to establish links between these ways of relating and the appearance of some psychological and psychiatric diseases.
The taboo of psychopathology in the family nucleus
When psychologists treat these conflicts and problems in families, it is common for us to receive all kinds of criticism. We live in a culture where the family is a closed institution. The members of any family are very suspicious of an external person evaluating and trying to change dynamics and habits, because This is experienced by family members as an intrusion into their privacy and their most deeply-rooted values.. The family may be dysfunctional and creating mental problems in its members, but it is still very difficult to carry out therapy without encountering reluctance and bad faces.
There are some preconceived ideas that distort the work of the therapist: “Everything has to stay in the family”, “The family will always love you well”, “No matter what happens, the family must always be united”. They are phrases and ideas deeply rooted in our culture and, although they apparently speak to us about unity and brotherhood, They hide a distrustful and suspicious view of anyone who can provide an objective point of view on these dynamics. and family relationships (even if it is with the noble intention of helping).
This conception of the family causes a lot of pain, unease and hopelessness among people who have the feeling that their family members have not risen to the occasion, that they have not been by their side unconditionally and offering them support. In extreme cases, such as having suffered some type of abuse, the negative consequences for emotional well-being can be serious.
Not all families are nests of love, trust and affection. There are families in which permanent stress situations arise. and in which one (or several) of its members cause discomfort and suffering to other member(s). Sometimes it can be damage that is done unintentionally, without bad intentions, and in others there may be factors that really lead to hatred and violence, physical or verbal. In other cases, the problem is not so obvious and is more related to the educational style used by parents or the “contagion” of insecurities or problems from one member to another.
Toxic families and their relationship with the mental disorders of their members
It is not the intention of this text to point out the errors of fathers and mothers, but Yes, we think it is appropriate to try to shed light on some myths and cultural misunderstandings that cause some families to be a real disaster.. Living within a toxic family is absolutely devastating for each of its members, and this has direct consequences with the appearance of certain psychopathologies associated with having to deal with high doses of pressure, stress and even abuse.
We are going to know a total of four ways in which toxic families contaminate some of their members, potentially causing mental and behavioral disorders.
1. Labels and roles: Pygmalion Effect and its harmful influence on children
All parents, at some point, have put a label on our child. Phrases like “the child is very active”, “he is embarrassing” or “he has a bad character” are a sample of sentences that, Although we adults may not realize it, they are causing a strong emotional impact on our children.. These phrases, said a thousand times in the family environment, end up seriously affecting children.
Although we do not want to give it importance, these labels affect the child’s identity, how he perceives and values himself. Although the child may not really be ashamed, hearing that adjective repeatedly from people in his family, whom he admires, set a precedent for how he should behave or act, according to the expectations generated. This is what is known as a self-fulfilling prophecy or Pygmalion Effect, since the role or label that adults have imposed on the child ends up becoming a reality.
Therefore, giving a label to a child is a way of contaminating their behavior, instilling in them certain essentialist ideas about how they are or how they stop being. These labels, to make matters worse, are easy to spread and are often repeated ad nauseam by teachers, family friends and neighbors, becoming increasingly entrenched in the child’s immediate environment, which aggravates the problem.
2. Loves that kill
Many fathers and mothers use a recurring maxim that they always repeat to their children: “no one is going to love you like we love you.” This phrase, although it may be largely right, frequently makes many people who have felt unloved in their family environment assume that, in some way, they have no right to feel bad, since everything their family did was “for your own good.” This, In extreme cases, it can lead to situations of abuse or mistreatment not being reported..
We must begin to redefine brotherly love in a healthier way. The love of a family is obvious, but there are misunderstood loves, loves that kill. Sharing genes with someone is no reason for someone to believe they have the right to hurt you, manipulate you, or coerce you. Being related to someone has to do with sharing a genetic and biological burden, but the emotional bond goes much further than that and the first is not an indispensable condition for the second, nor is it the cause. People mature and learn which relatives have our affection and affection, and this is not something that is written in the family book.
Laying the foundations of family relationships on respect is the first step towards a better understanding of our identities and spaces.
3. Overprotective parents
One of the most difficult tasks of parents when it comes to educating their children is maintain a balance between establishing rules and habits of behavior and loving and spoiling the little ones in the house. In this case, extremes are not advisable, and while some parents are negligent and neglect their children, others are overprotective and are too much on top of them.
This style of parenting is not positive at all, since the child does not face social or risk situations controlled by the overprotection that his parents exercise over him, so he does not live the necessary experiences so that he can mature and face his own problems. challenges. Under this learning style, most children become somewhat more insecure and hesitant than others. Children need to explore their environment, of course with the support of an attachment figure such as the father or mother, but overprotection can damage their learning and self-confidence.
In order for the child to develop and explore the world around him independently, it is necessary that we offer support and help to the child, but this attachment should not be confused with excessive control.
4. Desires and insecurities projected onto the little ones in the house
Being a father is not only a great responsibility but also the obligation to care for and educate a human being, in all its complexity. No one is obliged to have children, in our societies it is a personal choice that can depend on multiple factors, such as economic stability or the ability to find an ideal partner, but in the end it is also a decision that we make in a very personal way.
If we take this into account, having children can be planned and therefore we must take responsibility for it. Children should not serve as a way to fix relationship problemsnor to feel respected by others, much less a way to transfer our frustrations and unfulfilled desires to another person.
All parents want our child to be the smartest in the class and the best in sports, but We must avoid at all costs that they bear the pressure of our desires. If in your youth you were a second division soccer player who could not become a professional due to an injury, do not force your child to have to be a professional soccer player. Trying to compare or pressure a child to be what you want them to be not only leads to a situation of emotional vulnerability, but it can reduce their self-esteem and restrict the free development of their personality. Let him make his way and decide for himself, give him your support and the necessary advice, but do not project onto him what you would have wanted to be.
