Problems related to anger are a frequent reason for consultation with psychology professionals.
There are even therapists who specialize only in anger control and the aggressivenessa fact that tells us that it is something that affects many people. How to control anger? This is precisely what patients ask themselves, since it is often difficult to manage the aggressive or angry tendency without outside help.
Today we deal with the problem of anger and aggressiveness, and we present some tips to control it.
Anger is an emotion that is characterized by a rapid increase in heart rate, blood pressure, and levels of norepinephrine and adrenaline in the blood. It is also common for the person who feels anger to turn red, sweat, tense their muscles, breathe more quickly and see their body energy increase.
Being an emotion related to the aggressive impulse, some experts point out that anger is the manifestation of the response that our brain emits to attack or flee from danger. On the other hand, the mental state typical of moments of anger makes us instinctive and reduces our ability to reason.
The causes of anger
Anger can arise as a consequence of a state of insecurity, envy, fear, etc. Anger can also appear when we are unable to face a specific situationand the way the people around us act can hurt or bother us.
In short, anger or aggressiveness usually appear in situations that we perceive as a threat. Therefore, anger is based on feelings such as fear, fear, frustration or even tiredness.
When we feel frustrated about something, we can react in several ways. In the case at hand, one of the possible reactions to frustration is anger. Aggression, for its part, is the external manifestation of the anger we feel.
Anger appears automatically in some situations that hinder us from achieving goals or objectives. The emotions we feel do not occur without reason, but each one has a specific function. In the case of anger, the brain causes this state to prepare to make an effort superior to overcome the difficulty that has been presented to us.
Types of anger
Anger has different facets and takes different forms:
1. Aggressive behavior and violence It can appear as a way to achieve different objectives when we have not been able to achieve them without using violence. In this case, we could talk about instrumental anger, because we use it as a means to obtain something. Therapists associate this behavior with poor communication or self-control skills, but it will always be possible to improve these aspects.
2. It may appear anger like explosiondue to having endured an unfair or disturbing situation for a long time. Thus, small daily frustrations accumulate and, by not expressing our discomfort, we end up exploding at one time or another. The solution to this type of vicious circles is to properly manage anger, and not accumulate it until it explodes.
3. Anger as defense It arises when we perceive that we are being attacked or we face a difficulty. Normally, we tend to react negatively more by intuition than by objective facts, which can lead us to our anger being objectively poorly justified.
How to control anger? Some tips to manage it
Become aware of the causes that lead us to a state of anger It is a great step to move towards good management of our anger. Learning to control anger involves learning to rationalize some irrational emotions and impulses and relativize the reactions that some life events produce in us.
Otherwise, aggressiveness and anger can lead us to a permanent state of alert that can generate bad personal experiences. Therefore, one of the key factors in anger management is self controlbut it is also worth highlighting the following dynamics in pursuit of developing anger prevention:
1. Do not accumulate anger but manage it properly
When something unfair happens and we do not react, we accumulate anger and anger. Sooner or later, all this anger that we keep will explode and can lead to an episode of verbal and/or physical violence.
Therefore, it is important to face problems with assertiveness and control, to not let the ball of anger grow by the moment.
It must also be taken into account that anger can be channeled, and not necessarily through behavioral patterns associated with aggressiveness. For example, the state of tension caused by anger can be a motivating element to carry out creative activities and artistic expression.
2. Avoid the winner/loser mentality
On many occasions, we get angry as a reaction to frustration of not having achieved some objectives that we set for ourselves, or when something has not turned out as we expected. In these cases, the empathy It is the distinctive trait among those who know how to manage frustration, control anger and accept setbacks with sportsmanship. We must avoid considering interpersonal relationships as a game in which you win or lose.
3. Reflect on the causes and consequences of our irascibility
think about it and analyze whether our emotional reaction is really justified can help us. Many times we do not think about why we explode in an outburst of anger, for example when driving a car and we react instantly by insulting or making gestures at other drivers when they do something wrong.
At that moment it would be vital to meditate on why we react this way: have you thought about the possible consequences of having an episode of anger while driving? Seen this way, perhaps it is worth taking these situations in a different way.
One of the most effective ways to enhance self-awareness and learn about how feelings of anger usually arise in us is to keep an emotions diary. That is, taking notes about the experiences that have made us feel most intensely throughout the day, briefly explaining what we were doing, where, what was going through our minds, and what we did about it.
4. Get enough rest
When we are physically or mentally exhausted, our angry reactions and aggressive impulses are more frequent and we have fewer tools to manage them. For this reason, it is necessary to rest and sleep the necessary hours: both quantitatively (sleep at least 8 hours) and qualitatively (rest well).
Additionally, there are various times of the day when we are more vulnerable to exploding with anger, and that varies from person to person. We are able to control anger when we are rested, because we can analyze situations better.
5. Relaxation, meditation, self-control…
Relaxation is the best way to prevent attacks of anger. There are different ways to relax: practicing sports, yoga, meditation, Mindfulness, taking a hot bath, or any method that distracts the mind and brings us to a state of positivity.
In fact, in specific moments when we detect that we may have an angry reaction, it is a good idea to try to breathe deeply and slowly for at least twenty seconds: this will allow our body to detoxify itself from the negativity and irascibility that we feel. .
6. Avoid irritating situations and people
We must avoid finding ourselves in situations where we know they can increase our anger or lead us to a negative state. You are also likely to know certain people who particularly irritate you (the dreaded toxic people).
As far as possible, we should try to avoid contexts in which we know we can explodeand as for the people who irritate us, sometimes it will be impossible not to have any contact (bosses, a specific family member), therefore, as far as possible, we should try to talk to that person in order to that the interactions are not so irritating.
7. Therapy with a psychologist
The help of a professional and accredited psychotherapist It can help decisively to manage this type of emotional reactions, especially when it has reached a point where aggressive behaviors derived from poor anger control are frequent.
Psychological therapy for these cases is intended to modify attitudes that generate angry situations, and allow cognitive restructuring to be achieved so that the patient can manage and control their anger. Some emotional control techniques are also used to control anger and thus manage aggression.
Furthermore, in some extreme cases in which psychopathologies are involved, as occurs with intermittent explosive disorder, the solution necessarily involves going to therapy.
