Is There a Relationship Between Trauma and Shame?

Shame is an emotion that is part of the human repertoire. That is, it is completely normal to feel shame at certain moments in our lives. Like all emotions, shame has a specific function and, above all, a message. However, for some people the experience of this emotion is very limiting.

Do you think there may be some relationship between feeling blocked and limited by shame and trauma? In this article we explore this issue to give you an answer to the question. We talk about trauma and shame to be able to delve into this relationship and its possible consequences. Finally, we also talk about useful aspects in addressing this situation.

What do we understand by trauma?

Today we can find various definitions of trauma and this can cause confusion. Furthermore, the term is sometimes used very lightly on a social level and, on the other hand, can be closely associated with certain labels and stigmas.

The word trauma comes from Greek and means wound. In psychology, this term is used to refer to the emotional wounds that are generated by having experienced situations in which our body has felt overwhelmed, without resources. That is, trauma is not what happens itself, but the mark that that experience leaves on our body.

At a theoretical level, two types of trauma are differentiated. Type I Trauma corresponds to those situations in which the person’s physical integrity has been in serious danger. They tend to be extreme and specific situations (accidents, natural disasters, attacks, etc.).

Type II Trauma refers to relational trauma. That is, stressful events occur continuously over time although they may not put the person’s physical integrity at risk.

Definition of shame and its origins

As we mentioned initially, there is nothing wrong with feeling ashamed. On the contrary, it is a human emotion that aims to keep us belonging to the group. That is to say, Biologically this emotion has had a great role in our social development.

Through this emotion, we have internalized what behaviors can keep us within our social group and what behaviors are not approved or validated by the group and could lead to exclusion (with the risk that this entailed, especially for our ancestors). It is usually learned and experienced intensely during childhood and has an intense physiological component.

We could say that shame is a social emotion because we feel it in relation to others. We have already seen the importance of the cultural component with its norms and stigmatizations. In addition, there are also family factors (criticism, invalidation, comparison, etc.) that can influence the appearance. Of course, personal experiences (related to humiliation and rejection) also weigh heavily.

Relationship between trauma and shame

Author DeYoung makes a distinction between normal shame and chronic shame. The first would be the one written so far, which has an adaptive function and can improve our social relationships. The second, on the other hand, no longer has an adaptive function and is not related to specific events. It goes further.

This type of shame ends up becoming part of a person’s self-image. Those who suffer from it perceive themselves as inadequate and defective in all aspects of their lives. Without a doubt, experiencing this type of chronic shame has a serious impact on a person’s emotional and mental health since it generates a feeling of disability and makes social relationships difficult.

Chronic shame is also called “traumatic shame” by other authors since it frequently develops as a result of relational trauma. If during childhood we do not have attachment figures (parents, guardians or caregivers) who guarantee physical and emotional security, the risk increases.

People who suffer from chronic or traumatic shame have usually had caregivers who were unresponsive and sensitive to their needs. In fact, many studies associate this type of shame with having suffered neglect in care, lack of validation, constant criticism, and even abuse.

As a consequence, and as a protection, boys and girls end up internalizing this feeling of shame as an adaptive way of being able to deal with and manage their emotional pain. Since they do not have the ability to think that something is wrong in their environment, they internalize that there is something wrong with them.

Effects of traumatic shame on mental health

Traumatic shame generates in people a constant feeling of being defective. They believe that there is something inherently wrong with them, that they are inadequate, and that they do not deserve love or respect. These sensations are present very frequently and, without a doubt, interfere with people’s lives.

Chronic shame often leads people to assume dysfunctional relational patterns. We can observe everything from a difficulty in connecting, that is, a tendency to avoid intimacy, to dynamics of dependency and extreme complacency. Additionally, some people tend to become more defensive or aggressive when they feel exposed.

This, without a doubt, plus the perception they have of themselves, can foster the tendency toward social isolation. On the one hand, they tend to exclude themselves from certain situations in which they may feel judged and, on the other hand, they feel disconnected from their environment. Traumatic shame prevents them from feeling seen and valued for who they really are.

Everything discussed so far has a serious impact on a person’s emotional and mental health. It is not surprising that those who suffer from chronic shame present other physical and mental health difficulties. It is important to note that symptomatology experienced at other levels could also be related to trauma.

How to address this situation?

Since chronic shame is a complex reality that requires an integrative and trauma-sensitive approach, The main recommendation is to seek specialized professional help. It is important that the intervention adjusts to the specific needs of each person and, above all, to their life history.

The psychotherapeutic process can become difficult at times. There are various aspects that must be worked on to address shame and trauma. Hence the importance of looking for specialized professionals. As always, having a safe environment that respectfully accompanies the process will be a key aspect.