How Do Assertiveness, Passivity And Aggressiveness Influence Our Relationships?
Human behavior is expressed in various ways, and although each person has their own unique style of communicating, there are three widely studied behavior patterns that predominate in the way people interact with others: aggressive, passive and assertive behavior.
These styles affect our personal and professional relationships, influence self-esteem, and shape the way we achieve our goals.. Knowing and recognizing these patterns is key to improving communication and interpersonal development.
1. Aggressive behavior
Aggressive behavior is characterized by communication in which the person attempts to dominate, manipulate or impose their own desires on others. This behavior usually has the objective of winning or prevailing, even at the expense of the other person.. People with an aggressive behavioral style often resort to tactics such as sarcasm, criticism, intimidation, and the use of threatening body language. The characteristics of aggressive behavior are:
Aggressive behavior can be perceived as offensive or intimidating, creating a tense and conflictive environment.. Although in some cases this attitude can lead to immediate results, in the long term it tends to deteriorate relationships and generate resentment. In body language it stands out:
Some examples of communication are:
This aggressive style usually intimidates others and creates an atmosphere of tension, as the person seeks to control the situation or impose their opinion.
2. Passive behavior
Passive behavior, in contrast, is one in which the person inhibits themselves from expressing their opinions, desires or needs, generally to avoid conflict or being rejected. People with this style of behavior usually prioritize the needs of others above their own, ignoring their own desires and goals.. This can lead to feelings of frustration, anxiety, and built-up resentment, which can eventually manifest in emotional outbursts. The characteristics of passive behavior are:
Passive people often experience low self-esteem and may feel misunderstood or invisible in their relationships, as they do not clearly communicate what they think or feel.. In body language it stands out:
Some examples of communication are:
Well… it doesn’t matter, I can do whatever you want.
It’s okay, don’t worry about me. I’m fine, although… yes, maybe I don’t completely agree.
I don’t know, as you say, I don’t have a firm opinion on that.
This passive style suggests a lack of security or fear of confrontation, which can lead to the person’s needs and desires not being heard or considered.
3. Assertive behavior
Assertive behavior is considered the most balanced and healthy of the three styles. The assertive person expresses himself in a clear, direct and respectful manner, defending his own rights without disparaging those of others.. Assertiveness involves communicating needs and desires honestly and constructively, setting boundaries and showing mutual respect. The characteristics of assertive behavior are:
Direct and honest expression of thoughts, feelings and needs.
Respect for the rights and opinions of others.
Using open and confident body language, such as eye contact and upright posture.
Ability to say “no” clearly and without guilt.
Ability to handle criticism constructively and express disagreements without conflict.
Assertiveness is essential to developing healthy and balanced relationships. Assertive people tend to have higher self-esteem and achieve effective communication, avoiding both aggression and submission.. Adopting assertive behavior requires practice and self-knowledge. Some useful strategies include:
Self-knowledge: Recognize our own emotions and needs.
Set limits: Learn to say “no” and communicate our needs respectfully.
Practice empathy: Actively listen to and validate the opinions of others, without giving up one’s own rights.
Manage body language: Maintain a relaxed posture and make adequate eye contact.
Use “I” in affirmations: Express how we feel using first-person statements, such as “I feel…” instead of “You make me…
Moderate and clear tone of voice, with a constant rhythm.
Natural and open gestures, such as visible and relaxed hands.
Direct eye contact, but not intimidating.
Respectful personal space, without invading that of others.
Facial expressions congruent with the message, transmitting interest and openness.
Some examples of communication are:
I understand your point of view, but I prefer to do this differently.
I do not agree with that decision, but I am willing to discuss it to find a solution that works for all of us.
It bothers me when you don’t listen to me. Can we find a way to communicate better?
Assertiveness allows honest and direct communication without generating conflict, transmitting respect for both oneself and others.
How behavioral patterns interact with each other
Aggressive, passive, and assertive behavioral styles often interact in predictable ways and can influence each other. For example:
Aggressive behavior vs. passive behavior: Passive people tend to avoid confrontations, so it is common for them to give in to aggressive individuals, which reinforces the behavior of both parties. Over time, this can lead to the passive person building up resentment.
Aggressive behavior vs. assertive behavior: The assertive person does not allow an aggressive person to dominate the situation, but responds in a balanced way, without falling into aggression. This can generate a positive reaction in the aggressive person, receiving a clear limit.
Passive behavior vs. assertive behavior: An assertive person can help a passive person express their needs more confidently, by offering a space for respect and validation. The patience and example of the assertive person can model more balanced behavior in the other.
These communication styles, reflected in body language and words, affect our daily interactions and determine how others respond. Adopting an assertive style helps maintain healthier and more balanced relationships.
Understanding and using an assertive communication style not only improves relationships, but also increases self-esteem and personal well-being. Recognizing our behavior patterns and learning to interact in a healthier way allows us to build relationships based on respect and empathy, promoting effective communication and positive interpersonal development..
