Why is it so Hard for Me to Say “no”?

Since we were little, we have surely heard many times how our parents, teachers and other people around us tell us no to things that cannot be done, that are wrong and we could say that in some way we can get used to hearing that word. Don’t go up there, don’t run, don’t eat that, don’t stick, don’t lie, etc… countless examples of how “no” is very present in our lives.

The problems of saying “no”

However, as we grow, both our ability to receive a “no” and to say it is reduced and two things generally happen to us. The first is that We don’t usually receive well when someone tells us no to something. a friend who can’t make a plan, not being able to go out because my parents won’t let me, a person who interests me is not interested in me…

We feel bad when faced with something like this and in some way it affects our self-esteem. We think that there is something wrong with that person or that there will be something wrong with me if a person is not interested in me in the same way that I am interested. Sometimes it also happens that beyond feeling bad from sadness we also get angry.

We got angry with the person who told me no. And the big problem here is that we don’t even say it. We don’t let the other person know and from there relationships tend to start to deteriorate. Because we don’t communicate well and at the same time we start to change our behavior with that person until everything goes wrong.

This may happen because since we were little, perhaps when they told us “no” it was not out of love and respect and they made us feel especially bad or guilty. Perhaps also because they made us see that we could not make mistakes and could not fail.

The second thing that happens to us is that we also have a hard time saying no to other people, when they propose a plan that we don’t feel like going and we don’t want to go but we end up going, when I don’t like something and instead of saying that I don’t like it, I keep quiet or we even say that we like it, doing the opposite. In these cases, there are many reasons that can lead a person not to say no, for example:

Why is it important to learn to say “no”?

All of these things affect our self-esteem and generate insecurities in the person and make them not feel capable of either receiving or saying no. Saying no is healthy for us and also for the relationships we establish with other people. It is equally important that other people feel that they can also say no to us and that this will not damage or change the relationship and we are able to respect that.

Doing it in an assertive and respectful way precisely helps us to improve our self-esteem, to value our opinions and needs and to have healthy relationships where everyone can be oneself without fear of consequences. It increases our self-confidence and from there we behave and relate in a more natural way where we do not have to think and measure our words and actions so much.

Stop and see if today you are in a relationship in which you feel like you can’t say no, think about what would happen if you did and ask yourself what kind of relationship that is and if you really want a relationship like that. I encourage you to see what you could do about it.