Keys to Overcome Jealousy in a Relationship That is Beginning

Let’s be honest: the issue of jealousy is usually the thorn in the side of many couples’ relationships, especially when they are starting and cultivating the bond.

Although it is an issue that can greatly affect both members of the romantic relationship, there is always a way to manage the situation so that it is much more bearable, and that respect and trust reign.

Let’s talk about some of the practical strategies you can implement to overcome jealousy in a relationship that is beginning.

Why am I so jealous of my partner?

One of the best ways to accept an emotion is to give it a name, surname and definition. If we talk about jealousy, we could define it as an emotion that manifests intensely when there is a perceived threat or risk of losing something desired, loved, or considered one’s own. And, no, it doesn’t only happen in relationships, but this is what we will focus on today.

There can be many reasons that give rise to jealousy in a relationship that is just beginning. At this stage, when both parties are still getting to know each other, security regarding the other is just forming. If there is not enough mutual trust, spaces begin to open for jealousy to grow.

Speaking of trust, it has also been confirmed over the years that Having low self-esteem and little self-confidence has a lot of influence on the appearance of jealousy. This happens because the person may not trust in their abilities, in what makes them valuable, so they could think much more easily that they do not deserve their partner or that they are not up to their standard.

On the other hand, the fact of Having experienced stories of infidelity, betrayal and even insecure attachment during the parenting stage can negatively impact couple relationships. which can also be closely connected to emotional dependence and fear of losing a partner.

This brings us to another important point and that is the fear of being alone. Some people have a harder time dealing with loneliness than others, so The fear of being alone or of not finding anyone else like that person can activate the alarms that cause jealousy.

A point that cannot be left out is the need for possession: believing that the person we love belongs to us or is even an extension of ourselves. The (wrong) idea that you have to know exactly everything your partner does and thinks can trigger jealousy problems.

What trait or disorder could be behind jealousy?

Although there are many other causes that can trigger jealousy, it is also important to keep in mind that some people can manifest some characteristics of the paranoid personality.

That is, having a certain predisposition to paranoid thoughts generates difficulties when trying to trust others, and for this reason malicious intentions can be attributed to the partner, which causes the person to adopt a defensive posture.

Finally, it is important that you know that pathological jealousy (jealousy or Othello syndrome) is considered by the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders of the American Psychiatric Association (DSM-5) as a subtype of delusional disorder.

This specific subtype is distinguished by a lack of trust and the presence of obsessive, uncontrollable and recurring thoughts related to possible betrayals in the partner, which brings many problems to the relationship. Although with will some things can improve, these cases generally require psychological attention.

Strategies to manage jealousy in a new relationship

Although, to a certain extent, it is natural for jealousy to appear, especially when a relationship is just beginning, it is important to know that it is possible to manage it in a different way, focusing on building a healthy relationship.

In the following lines we will share some tools that you can apply if you feel that jealousy is dominating your relationship.

Don’t blame yourself, take responsibility

Ok, you already accepted it: you feel jealous. What do you think is the point of blaming yourself over and over again for this situation? Exactly, not at all. And of course, it’s also not helpful to blame your partner for your jealousy. Instead, you can acknowledge, validate, and manage that emotion.

Self-compassion involves treating yourself kindly and is recommended in these cases. Recognize jealousy and go to the root, to understand what message they are showing you. If you can’t do it alone, talk to someone… Preferably a person you trust or a therapist.

Recognize intrusive thoughts

It is quite common for jealousy to be accompanied by intrusive thoughts worthy of an Oscar. But, if you ask yourself objectively, how many times are these thoughts real?

Instead of giving free rein to your imagination, ask yourself if there is evidence to support those scenes that appeared in your head or if they are simply the result of your anxiety. Once you recognize them, you can begin to challenge them and replace them with thoughts that are more realistic.

Cultivate self-love and self-confidence

Emotional security is the foundation for building healthy relationships. When you value yourself and trust your abilities, you are less likely to feel jealous. Take time to get to know yourself better, discover your strengths and work on your weaknesses. By strengthening your self-esteem, you will feel more secure in the relationship and less in need of external validation.

Strengthen trust in your partner

As we mentioned before, a lack of trust can wreak havoc, whether on your partner or on you. In these cases, when a bond is developing in a relationship that is beginning, it is necessary that both work to strengthen it.

Both partners can demonstrate trust in each other by keeping their promises (no matter how small), being honest with each other, and communicating unambiguously. In this way, insecurities and, therefore, jealousy will be reduced.

Talk to your partner about your jealousy

Anyone might think that there is no point in talking to your partner about your own jealousy. And, yes, sometimes it is scary to open up and show your fears and vulnerability, but if you really trust your partner and want to work on the relationship, it is important that it is possible to work on this together.

When you feel jealous, talk to your partner about how you feel in a calm and respectful way. Tell him what’s bothering you, how his actions or words make you feel, or just what’s been going through your head. By sharing your fears, you can work together to find solutions. And your partner could even help you strengthen your confidence.

Communicate your limits

One of the ways to take care of yourself and your emotional well-being is to set clear boundaries. If there is a situation that is overwhelming or seems inappropriate to you, tell your partner what makes you feel uncomfortable or insecure.

Communicating your limits means making it clear to the other person not only what feels good or bad for you, but also what situations you are not willing to tolerate. By doing this, you are giving him a chance to talk and respect your boundaries and show you that he cares about you.

Don’t add fuel to the fire

Avoid behaviors that may exacerbate jealousy. That is, actions as common and at the same time as harmful as:

These behaviors will only serve to destroy trust in the relationship which in turn will further increase mutual insecurity.

Trust your abilities to face being single

No, the idea is not to think the worst or predict the end of the relationship, but to make sure that, regardless of whether you are alone or alone.

If you remember that you are capable of meeting your needs even if you are not with your current partner, you will have a greater feeling of security in the relationship.

Something that can help you achieve this is to cultivate your interests, spend time with your friends and enjoy your own company. This way you will feel less dependent on your partner.