Silent Treatment: a Covert Form of Abuse

Some relationships are conditioned by blackmail, manipulation or instrumentalization. That is, some relationships experience the impact of a lack of empathy, understanding, sensitivity and assertiveness. The silent treatment materializes in relationships in which there is no complete equality and collaboration between the protagonists.. That is, one of them adopts a role of superiority, distance and dominance over the other. It can not only occur in a romantic relationship, but also in family ties or friendship ties.

What is the Law of Ice?

It is a type of emotional punishment that harms the victim through emptiness, silence, absence or indifference.. The silent treatment results in a type of behavior that is aligned with a main objective: conditioning the other person to change their mind, ask for forgiveness or feel responsible for what has happened.

It is worth mentioning that it is a response that is usually contextualized in conversations and gestures that have led to anger. In that case, the disagreement is not resolved assertively through dialogue and listening. The conflict continues and stagnates for several days in which the victim perceives the distance imposed by the other party. However, he does not understand the reasons and motives for this behavior because he has not received an explanation about it.

The scope of the silent treatment goes beyond direct coexistence at home. Indifference can also materialize through other forms of contact. This is what happens when the subject decides not to intentionally respond to the messages they receive over the phone. And, if he does, he answers with monosyllables that do not foster continuity in the interaction or changes the subject..

One of the great risks of this pattern of behavior is that it becomes normalized in a relationship or friendship. It is a form of abuse because the response does not take into account the other person’s feelings, emotional well-being, or worth. That is, it is a behavior that damages self-esteem and peace of mind. The affected person enters a dynamic in which they try to guess or presuppose what has happened. He does not find a concrete answer in the other, since he closes himself off from a possible dialogue. You may end up carrying a weight that does not belong to you. Sometimes you feel guilty about an issue for which you are not directly responsible. However, the other person makes you feel that way. He treats you as if you have made a very serious mistake and does not give you the opportunity to delve deeper into the subject.

What effects and consequences does the silent treatment produce?

In addition to the emotional suffering it causes in the victim, it is a type of behavior that weakens trust and dialogue. The victim begins to observe unexpected turns in the relationship. That is, you perceive behaviors that you do not really understand in the other.. Therefore, avoid saying certain things or acting in a certain way so as not to create a possible conflict. But the silent treatment does not disappear in this way. Indifference can be applied in very different situations (and not only after anger).

This dynamic should not be confused with the space that a person can consciously seek to reflect on an issue. For example, someone may take some time before having a pending conversation. Your silence is not intended to hurt the other. It does not go on for an excessive period of time, without the other party truly understanding what is happening. The silent treatment is a type of punishment that hurts and hurts. For this reason, it is important not to remain in a friendship or relationship in which these types of episodes occur. It is advisable to comment on what is happening, express your feelings and ask for help in your immediate environment or in the professional sphere.

It is also possible to ask for specialized help to develop new ways of coping with differences and everyday conflicts. In some cases, those who act in this way are not truly aware of the consequences they have on others. He locks himself into his position, but does not connect with the interlocutor’s emotions. Psychological counseling can be essential to create positive changes that move away from that negative dynamic that the subject has repeated in different scenes, but with some aspect in common: those situations have broken their expectations for some reason.. And, instead of talking about how he felt, he responded with indifference and silence.