The 7 Differences Between Love And Emotional Dependence
Love and dependence are not synonyms, far from it. The world of emotions and human relationships may be confusing and difficult to investigate, but the truth is that these two elements present many differences that allow us to discriminate between one and the other. And thank goodness, because the consequences of confusing them can be very negative.
Unfortunately, myths about affection and relationships mean that not everyone is clear. the differences between emotional dependence and love Many times, the simple fact of believing in a stereotype about what the perfect love relationship should be like makes us remain as pigeonholed as the concepts we use to think about affection and emotional ties.
Loving and depending are not, nor can they be, the same. That is why there are numerous differences between love and emotional dependence. Here you can find the main ones.
1. Contact Search vs. Avoidance of loneliness
In emotional dependence, everything that the relationship gives us is stated in a negative sense, while with love the opposite happens. This means that in the first case, contact with the other person is a tool to make the discomfort disappear, while in love the company and presence of the other is something that produces well-being.
In other words, in love, being with someone provides a positive value, while in the case of emotional dependence this is seen as a resource to avoid missing someone, and consequently the elimination of something negative is sought.
2. Live the experience vs. Have tools
Virtually everything good that a loving relationship brings us has to do with the subjective value of the experience of being with someone. That is, we cannot explain in words what aspects of our lives are improved by the presence of someone we love.
However, with dependency the opposite is true. Here, when we think about the relationship we tend to identify very specific aspects of our lives in which the presence of the other is noticeable For example, the possibility of accessing a group of friends, the fact of not having to live in the parents’ house again, etc. In some way, the relationship is seen as a sum of these options to improve our lives, it is not something that goes much further than this union of advantages.
3. Option to negotiate vs. Blind faith in the relationship
In love, it is clear that, although certain sacrifices must be made to maintain a stable relationship, these must be reasonable and it is perfectly legitimate to question its limits.
The difference that this aspect marks with respect to dependency is that in this second limits are not even questioned out of pure fear Here, the relationship is not seen as something dynamic that can adapt to the needs of both, but rather it is perceived as a series of rigid rules into which one must fit. This makes the dependency grow more, since the possibility of damaging the relationship with any small detail means that attention is constantly paid to it.
4. Attention to well-being vs. Attention to obsessions
In love, what matters is the well-being of the people involved, and the relationship is just the means through which a fit occurs between people who enjoy mutual contact.
In the case of dependency, however, attention is directed to the idea of the relationship itself, which is almost always made up of stereotypes and rituals that have to be repeated over and over again. That is, the relationship is used as a way to give a predictable and stable structure to the day to day.
5. Loving that person vs. Want what that person offers us
In love, the target of all the positive emotions we experience in the relationship is always the person with whom we feel that strong emotional bond
On the other hand, in situations of dependency, what is valued is all those changes that the possibility of relating to that person has introduced into our lives.
6. Flexibility vs. Fixed hours
In love, the freedom of each person involved is something that is taken for granted. This means that, by default, it is assumed that everyone can do what they want, and exceptions must be foreseen and have a justification.
In the dependency, what is taken for granted is a certain routine so any transgression of these customs produces discomfort.
That is why one of the main differences between love and dependence is that the second can be metaphorically compared to an addiction, since it consumes much of the time and the greatest emotional impact it causes is the discomfort generated by leaving the schedules.
Love does not have to make our self-esteem improve, but dependency does make it worse. The reason is that, by constantly perceiving a feeling of vulnerability, worries oriented towards events that do not depend on oneself (such as the fact that the other person is a few minutes late returning home) feed the idea that one does not You can do nothing to avoid discomfort.
