Living With Uncertainty? Better Ally Yourself With Her!
Today I would like to talk to you about concept of “uncertainty” how we can relate to it and where it is approached from coaching as a change management discipline.
A good definition for “uncertainty” might be “lack of certainty.” And if we see it from that prism, we can ask ourselves: what are we really “certain” about? I can only categorically declare two certainties: the first, that our life is finite. And the second, that we cannot relive events that happened in the past.
Apart from these two truths, the rest will be opinions, judgments, which will be more or less founded. And this is where that concept of “beliefs” arises.
The beliefs; What are they? How do they influence our lives? I usually define beliefs as opinions squared. That is, they would be opinions, judgments, to which we attribute a certain character of truth Now, if beliefs have anything, it is that they are not truths.
Beliefs can be based, for example, on events from the past, on the education received, on fashions, on research or empirical data. And the veracity we attribute to each belief is determined by the authority we confer on the person who declares it.
Thus, we tend to believe what a person who we consider an expert in a certain subject says. By the way, Not by being shared, beliefs gain in veracity That is to say, an opinion is not truer because there are more people who have that opinion.
Beliefs simplify our lives, they help us navigate the world more efficiently. You know, our brain likes to make our lives easier. And beliefs are usually very useful to resolve situations or shortcut the path to some objectives. Most of our beliefs help us, they enable us to achieve what we set out to do. Now, in some cases, certain beliefs can represent a significant limitation to achieving certain objectives.
Let’s go to an easy example
Suppose I am 56 years old, I am in a career transition and I have the belief that “after the age of 50 it is impossible to get a new job.” That belief will be a major limitation for me in my goal of finding a new professional opportunity. But is the statement true that “after age 50 it is not possible to get a job”? No, it is not. It is not a truth, there are people who are over 50 years old and have gotten a job.
What will happen to me if I get a job at this age? Possibly, I will abandon that belief and modify it for another. Even something like: “Once you’re 50, if you get a job it’s because you’ve been lucky.” Is that more true? No, it is not.
Questioning what we took for granted
Sometimes we experience events that challenge our beliefs. AND When a primary belief disappears, it exposes an entire system of opinions ; I begin to question many of the things that until then I had considered truths. And my inner world, my entire frame of reference, is never the same.
These old beliefs and opinions will be modified by new ones that, as we “train” them, will gain consistency in us.
Beliefs that limit us
Albert Ellis (1913 – 2007), cognitive psychotherapist, tells us about the eleven irrational beliefs, which in his opinion are in many cases a strong limitation for new actions. He groups them into what he calls the three “monsters,” which are these three beliefs:
Where is that written? Are those “truths”? And so, what happens to us if we take those three beliefs as “true”?
Ellis invites us to ally ourselves with the lack of certainties, with realizing that we live in constant uncertainty, in a world in which certainties are scarce and our beliefs can be modified. And if that were so, it turns out that the key is in how each of us relates to that lack of certainty, to how we experience that uncertainty.
There are people who make friends with that uncertainty and feel comfortable in that environment. And there are people who feel very uncomfortable in that situation. There arises dissatisfaction, doubt when making decisions, insecurity, a certain confusion, and in more extreme situations, stress, anxiety or anguish.
A proactive attitude in the face of uncertainty
And then, if I can’t change yesterday… What can I do to resolve those situations in the best way?
Coaching, this discipline of change management, promotes a proactive attitude towards situations, especially situations in which the person’s dissatisfaction arises; promotes the responsibility of ask ourselves what we can do to resolve what is happening to us
In a coaching process, the professional coach will accompany his client to find new opportunities for his future through structured conversations and through questions that invite the evocation of new consciousness.
The 5 key questions
Let’s look at five coaching questions that can be useful to navigate situations of uncertainty more effectively:
The first of the questions is: What is in my power to do and/or stop doing? The concept behind this question is that of “responsibility”, taking responsibility for my part in each situation. Stephen Covey already gave us this concept of the area of influence and warned us of the risks of being focused on the “circle of concern”, those people who worry instead of taking care.
The second question focuses on a very interesting concept, learning: What can I learn from what is happening? Related to the concept of learning, there is also this distinction between “error” or “failure.” Elbert Hubbard told us that “a failure is a man who has made a mistake, but is not able to turn it into experience.”
The third question goes a little further and is the following: what do we need for it to work? It is a topic related to a concept linked to the previous one, which is shared learning and that systemic perspective and the consequences on myself and others.
The fourth question opens up the possibility, What opportunities do I identify? The concept that this question brings us is that of “opportunity”. How to see opportunities instead of threats? How to focus on what I do have and not on what I lack? Coaching promotes that this will be possible when the person makes a “change in observation”, when the point of observation changes, the perspective from which they look, when a change occurs in those metaphorical “glasses for seeing the world” that we all wear them. Glasses that change vision when my emotions, my beliefs, my values and especially my purpose change.
And the purpose is the big concept behind the fifth of these questions, which is the following: What is my why, my purpose? Finding out what is going to sustain me, what is going to give me enough energy to achieve what I want is going to be fundamental in that process. Motivation is the engine of change, it is the fuel to move more decisively in the face of uncertainty and lack of certainty. Motivation is made of desire, hope, desire, also hope and commitment. When we find the right motivation for us, when our actions are aligned with our purpose, everything gains meaning, beyond whether we achieve it or not.
And when we answer those five questions, In many cases that “problem” that we had becomes a “challenge” And with that word, “challenge,” more enabling emotions can arise, such as excitement, hope, and trust. And it can also open the door to moving from limiting beliefs like “I can’t” or “I’m not capable” to much more enabling beliefs like “I have the resources to achieve it” or “I need to learn.”
Adapting to a changing reality
I believe that we live constantly surrounded by changes, that we are beings in continuous transformation and that we can change our behaviors to adapt to those changes. And it seems to me that doing it more effectively is going to be related to that responsible attitude of taking charge, of set your own challenges and commit to moving towards them through new actions that generate learning. And that is what promotes the discipline of coaching and the support work that a coach does for his clients. As you see, the big question that will make this virtuous circle spin is at the beginning: What do you want to achieve? Or, putting it another way, what is your goal? And that’s not always so easy to answer…
A good way to answer this question is to start a coaching process with a professional coach in which you will delve into your self-knowledge, investigate your needs, your desires, your motivations and your purpose and you will be able to better know what you would like to achieve. From the EDPyN Coaching School, with offices in Barcelona and Madrid, we offer personal and professional coaching services from expert and accredited coaches. We also provide coaching training (in person and online via streaming) for all those who want to make a “turn” in their life, whether to start a new profession, focused on promoting personal growth or their professional career by incorporating new skills.
Author: Montse Altarriba, Director of the EDPyN Coaching School
