There are people who criticize positive psychology and the so-called science of happiness because they say that there is no such thing, that happiness cannot be a science and that life is much more complicated than everything proposed by the models and theories of positive psychology.
Furthermore, there are those who think that the search for happiness is a formula of the system to keep us docile and indoctrinated, a kind of “opium for the people” that leads us to comply with what is established, and to put a brave face on bad weather, since If you follow the guidelines of society and the marked path to success, you will be happy and blissful.
However, we see that this is not the case for several reasons.
The pursuit of pleasure is not the pursuit of happiness
The first is that if we simply stick to the most popular and widespread idea of happiness and success, associated with the capitalist system and consumerism, it is proven that this approach does not build authentic and basic well-being, something solid and permanent; but rather peaks or waves of ephemeral happiness, fundamentally related to the pursuit of pleasure and the avoidance of pain.
There are many people who follow that path and then suffer from major stress or anxiety problems even depression and a huge inner emptiness having lost their essence along the way and being disconnected from what they really are and want to do.
Secondly, if you spend a little time reading and delving into positive psychology, you will see that this idea of happiness, like a sweet and malleable jelly bean, is not what it proposes, but quite the opposite. From this scientific branch of psychology, an idea of happiness or subjective well-being is defended. based on self-knowledge, freedom and purpose A happiness that empowers individuals and connects them with their environment in a conscious and responsible way. A happiness that also involves moments of suffering and negative emotions, which we face and understand to try to emerge stronger and advance on our own path of personal growth.
Three ways to well-being
It is very interesting to remember one of the approaches that Martin Seligman, father of positive psychology, made in his book “Authentic Happiness” from 2002. In it he talks about the existence of three paths that lead to different types of well-being and happiness. independently, and that only by working together is when we manage to open the doors of authentic happiness, which gives us inner peace and serenity. These three ways are:
The pleasant life
It is aimed at enhancing positive emotions in the present, the past and the future It is the path related to hedonism: search for pleasure and pleasant emotions and avoidance of pain and unpleasant emotions.
The committed life
It consists of orienting ourselves towards goals and objectives that motivate us and that we strive to achieve This path tries to put our character strengths into practice, with the aim of developing positive and stimulating experiences with which we feel fulfilled.
It consists of giving life a transcendent meaning, something that is important to us and is also important to others It consists of using one’s own strengths and talents in the service of others. It is transcending the personal and dedicating time to something more: family, friends, society, nature, culture, world…
Searching for a balance
As we said a little above, we must live the three lives in a balanced and complementary way, to advance in what Seligman defines as “authentic happiness”
However, we all know that we cannot always be happy, and it must be clear that this is not what positive psychology or the science of happiness intends. The message consists rather of knowing what ingredients and elements we can work on to have a fuller life and develop internal resources and tools that allow us to solve life’s problems and adversities, enhance all the good things that happen to us and be agents. active in our life and development.
An important aspect to keep in mind in this whole matter is that not everything is black or white, good or bad, perfect or imperfect… There are nuances and middle points and within that variety is where each person has to try and find what works for you and makes you feel good.
Are you aware of how many times you think only in extremes?
It is called dichotomous thinking, and we all do it more often than we should. Dichotomy indicates the separation of a concept into two parts that can be complementary, opposite or antagonistic to each other. Dichotomous thinking is a way our mind works to simplify things and facilitate decision making, using polarization and absolute terms. This happens because sometimes it is consistent with reality and on many occasions it has helped us as a species: life or death, day or night, fight or flight… However, in many other aspects of our daily life and our relationships, yes that there are middle terms and points of union between apparently opposite alternatives and it is precisely there where we find new resources and more open solutions.
Although the world and our minds sometimes lead us to classify experiences according to these dichotomies, it is important to know that in reality life and everything it contains is not good or bad, all or nothing, useful or useless, right or left. , are you with me or are you against… We must be careful with false dichotomies, since they reduce our vision of the world and limit us.
So even knowing that we cannot always be happy and remembering that we do not have to pretend to be happy, we do want to send the message that each person can find the resources and tools that best serve them to have the life they want to have and advance on their path. of happiness. Positive psychology and the science of happiness, without having answers for everything and surely being wrong about some things, They contain many of those tools and resources that are worth trying, and trying to adapt to our lives with flexibility and critical thinking.
