We have all been hurt by someone. We’ve all made someone else suffer, too. With full awareness or without realizing it, we have all been on one side or another of the sidewalk.
In either sense you suffer a lot, the pain you experience is visceral. In that moment of emotional reactivity, our nervous system becomes stressed and the mind goes into fight, flight, or paralysis mode. In the body, this reaction can be felt through experiences such as having the heart racing hard, the breathing getting shorter, the belly getting uncomfortable, and the mind crushing us without respite. The experience is strident and exhausting.
It is not easy to forgive, and it is not easy to ask for forgiveness either, but carrying so much resentment, guilt, and anguish is exhausting And the worst of all is that it makes us sick, because we are giving something very valuable to what happened: our attention.
When someone we love hurts us, we are bewildered and saddened. We had our trust in that person, and suddenly it was broken.
We are not only hurt by what happened, but also that a pact and a vision of what the shared bond was going to be was broken. Now… What happens when we are the ones who wrong another? Surely at first we want to convince ourselves that the other deserved what we did, but deep down we are going to feel the responsibility of having acted on impulse, and this It will generate fear in us that the other will reject us if we ask for another opportunity
Whichever side we are on, the most important thing is that we embrace everything that happens to us internally, no matter how uncomfortable it may be, and that we do not run away from it. It is an enormous challenge, but allowing ourselves to feel what we need to feel expands us internally and helps us reorganize ourselves.
Why give value to forgiveness?
When you are crying, regretting, or beating yourself up about what happened, take a deep breath and ask yourself a very simple question: What would be good for me right now? Move more slowly? Talk? Bite my tongue before speaking? Take some time alone?
1. Forgiving and asking for forgiveness are, above all, acts of self-love
When you love yourself, you accept that life and what happens to you cannot be controlled, but that you love and appreciate yourself so much that you know with certainty that you will be able to get ahead You know you deserve it.
Forgiveness does not mean remaining in a relationship with the person who harmed you, but rather listening to what they have to say and then deciding whether you will move on from that person or not. The question that you can calmly ask yourself is whether that person has taken responsibility for his/her actions and what he/she is willing to change so that you can regain trust in him/her.
If, on the other hand, it is you who has to apologize, the love you have for yourself will help you move above any message from the ego that will want you to leave everything the same and not risk not being understood. Guilt and shame lead nowhere but to hide, and you know it. Contact your goodness, your tenderness and your discernment, and rise to the occasion; Speak from the heart and do not shield or become defensive. Express your regret and listen to the other’s needs.
2. Forgiving and asking for forgiveness are acts of love for life
Being able to apologize, beyond continuing in the bond that had been shared or not, are acts of respect and love for Life. The gesture of listening to the other, without invalidating or recriminating them, and the humility of taking responsibility for your mistakes and putting yourself in the other’s place, will attune you to an energy greater than your contracted self. In fact, It will help you transcend what happened, to unfold, and to become ecstatic again for being alive
For this you have to be very awake and aware, and also full of compassion. The first step is to stop judging and recriminating because, as Buddhists say, it will be like trying to hurt another with hot coal in your hands, both will be hurt. Be grateful for the miracle of being born, design how you want to live based on what happened. For this, look for calm in all the rituals that calm you and get in touch with your vision from there.
3. Forgive as an act of liberation
Remember that as long as you cannot forgive, you will remain a prisoner of the other. I insist, forgiving is not exempting the other from what he has done, especially if he does not show remorse. Is about drain and cleanse all the discomfort inside you
A friend of my mother acquired her wisdom through the years she had lived, rather than through being educated; When someone disappointed or hurt her, she always repeated: “That’s it, it is wise advice to forgive wrongs.” And she had another one that I found funny, which was: “May God help him and don’t abandon me.” These simple sayings contain an enormous nobility of spirit. Both aim to leave behind bitterness in order to live better.
Liberation begins when we release our arguments to not forgive or to justify our mistakes When we finally take charge of what we have to do, we embark on our path with much greater lucidity, freedom and lightness.
Forgiveness, from the Latin “per”, which indicates complete and total action, and “donare”, which is nothing more and nothing less than giving, is our possibility of learning from what happened and giving the other or ourselves a new way. to relate and honor life.
