Child sexual abuse is a problem that has always happened and that does not always come to light since it is usually denied.
Let’s define it: child sexual abuse is the use of a boy or girl in order to satisfy an adult. For it to be considered as such, we must take into account three points:
As we will see later, being a victim of sexual abuse It is not always evident, since many times there are no physically violent events or experiences of pain It is even possible that there is no physical contact.
Abuse usually causes psychological and emotional symptoms, but this does not always appear after the abuse, but can manifest later (adulthood). These symptoms can be subtle: behavioral changes, isolation, irritability. that can be understood as signs of other types of disorders. On the other hand, depression, bulimia, anorexia, schizophrenia, borderline, among others, tend to correlate highly with the experience of abuse in childhood.
It has been seen that “keeping the secret”, not talking about what happened and hiding it damages more than the abuse itself. This is why it is important that when possible abuse is suspected, we try to find out about it and bring it to light. In the case of children, we can do it in the form of symbolic play, creation of stories, incomplete stories, among others. What we achieve by realizing what happened in time is that we can treat it and, in this way, the consequences can become minimal, even non-existent. That is why It is important to listen to children and allow them to talk about how they feel
Some data…
The importance of prevention
Although sexual abuse is a topic that seems generally scary to talk about, It is important that we hold workshops and/or talk at home with minors about sexual education You have to talk about the genitals, since they usually show curiosity, and explain to them that it is something intimate that is not shown to just anyone. We must explain who, when and how they can touch them. This part is especially important, since this way they will learn to set limits with people who have learned that it is not appropriate for them to do certain things, or to express themselves if they do; question whether your grandfather, cousin or uncle can do it, and have the confidence to tell your parents.
We can meet children who have a lot of sexual interest and that is not bad, but as adults and caregivers we must teach them to regulate this interest For example, when they start to masturbate, we can make it natural but make them understand that it cannot be done anywhere because it can be offensive to other people. This way, we get kids to do it in a safe way or in a safe environment.
In short, being able to speak naturally and let them live their sexuality naturally, since this is healthy; and, at the same time, explain to them when it can be bad, for example, when it is used with a younger child or a child who does not agree and, of course, when someone older than you does it with the child.
Be careful with the use of pornography
There are cases in which older children have had complete sexual relations with minors due to pornography use This may happen due to the fact that access to pornography causes sexual energy to emerge, especially during adolescence, and they do not know how to channel it, using it inappropriately.
It is true that many parents use parental controls to restrict the content to which our children have access. But sometimes, this is not enough, as they find a way to bypass this control.
For this reason, once again, sexual education is very important and, at certain ages, exhaustive control of the content our children watch, as well as limiting the hours and devices they can access, especially when they are small and we are not always on top of them.
It must be taken into account, as mentioned above, that 87% of abusers are people very close to the minor (grandparents, cousins, uncles…), which means that they are people the minor trusts and people whom he or she trusts. who is fond of them. It is for this reason that we cannot judge the abuser, we cannot tell him that he is super bad because this will make the child feel bad for telling it because it can have negative consequences. For example, “my uncle/grandfather/father is going to jail, he shouldn’t have said it,” and this can make the minor feel guilty.
Besides, It would be advisable to also work with the abuser and not only with the abused person through family therapy That is, the person who engages in sexual abuse receives psychological therapy for these cases. This is because of what was mentioned above that most abusers have suffered abuse in their childhood, so treating them could also increase the chances of stopping the intergenerational chain of abuse.
How to approach it?
To treat victims of sexual abuse, it is necessary to work with emotions, since these people usually have intense feelings of guilt, shame and pain, as well as anger and frustration. For this reason, we must give permission to the person through validation of these emotions to understand what could have been vulnerable, but that you have to understand and personify yourself, since it was a person you loved and trusted who did this to you and how we are going to consider that this is something bad .
It is also important to explore the emotions related to the secret: “what would happen if you told me, what would happen if you told mom or dad, what consequences do you think it would have?”
Another feeling that is important to work on is pleasure since, if the abuse is not violent, there may be caresses and touching that, in fact, have brought pleasure. Besides, Being trusted people, children normalize these episodes they do not necessarily take it as something bad, especially when the abuse is based on those pleasure games.
As they grow up, as their sexual instinct awakens in them, they begin to realize that what happened in their childhood was sexual abuse, which was not a game at all. Here the question arises whether or not to tell the family, because we are talking about a family member, which is very hard for the abused, especially when revealing this secret that can cause a family rupture. Again we see feelings of guilt: “I was looking for it because I liked it, how can I say it now? “This has been my fault.”
It is convenient do not dramatize the events with the child while he/she is present, but rather to make them understand that these people did not know how far they could go and that it would be necessary to explain to them where the limits are. With this we manage, on the one hand, to support the child regarding what happened in relation to the negative emotions related to guilt and empathy towards the abuser. Let us remember that they are people that the minor trusts and whom he loves. That is, we ensure that minors do not feel guilty that it happened, but rather that they understand that the responsibility for these actions lies with the adult (“who did not know what not to do”).
When all this is not treated with children, in the long run we will see significant symptoms and illness in adults, since it is something that they have kept quiet about for a long time, but, even without being fully aware, it ends up coming out. Here lies the importance of giving credit and importance to minors so that they have enough confidence to tell it.
At the psychology center PsychoAlmería There are psychologists who specialize in caring for both adults and minors who have suffered sexual abuse.
