Definitely, Being a mother is one of the most rewarding and wonderful experiences that a woman can experience, and for many it is a highlight of their life. The maternal figure is extremely important for the growth of a son or daughter and influences how he or she develops in different areas of his or her life: personal well-being, academics, work, interpersonal relationships, etc.
Of course, although there is only one mother, sometimes they can cause discomfort in their children and become toxic mothers, who through their actions prevent the correct development and emotional well-being of their offspring. The skills that a mother must develop are many, especially considering that The bond he establishes with his sons and daughters is special thanks to the body and visual contact that is established between both parties in the first months of life.
If you want to know how to be a good mother below you can find a list of tips that will help you avoid parenting mistakes.
1. Set limits
It is clear that we all want the best for our children and, furthermore, we like to see them happy and smiling; However, this does not mean that they should always get their way. Setting limits and setting rules can be positive for your little ones and for their future well-being.
Of course, the rules must be coherent, clear and simple, they must be the same for everyone and adapted to the maturing age of your son or daughter. After all, we are social beings, so learning to set limits on children’s impulses is good for better adapting to the society in which we live.
2. You are their learning model
The family is one of the main socializing agents, so it is necessary that you educate your child well. Human beings have different ways of learning, and one of them is through modeling, a concept introduced by Albert Bandura. Although sometimes you don’t believe it, what you do and how you behave in front of them matters, because your child is constantly watching you.
Many times we think we are listening when in reality we are hearing. To really listen it is necessary to practice active listening This means that you should not only pay attention to your children, trying to understand what they are telling you, but also what they are feeling. In other words, you must attend to both the emotional component (feelings, emotions, sensations, etc.) and the rational component (ideas, beliefs, knowledge, etc.).
If you want to know more about how to do it, this article will be useful: “Active listening: the key to communicating with others.”
4. Validate your emotions
Actively listening to your child is important, but so is validating their emotions. Emotional validation is a process of learning, understanding and expression of acceptance of another person’s emotional experience. That is, if you suspect that your child has difficulties, active listening can allow you to understand not only his verbal language, but also his non-verbal language (gestures, gaze, posture, etc.) when he opens his heart to you.
Emotional validation will make you show that you understand him (even if you don’t always agree) and, therefore, he will feel more comfortable saying how he feels. We can all feel pleasant emotions and painful emotions, and your son or daughter is no exception.
5. Let it express itself
Emotional validation and acceptance of emotions are key to your child’s future well-being. This allows your child to learn to express her emotions and her feelings instead of minimizing or rejecting them. Emotions do not disappear if we repress them, but on the contrary, they can express themselves without control. Correct emotional control is good for both your child’s well-being and her interpersonal relationships.
6. Encourage communication
The previous points are closely related to efficient communication, which helps your child to count on you for whatever they need, and increases the emotional bond between you That is why it is important that you communicate daily with your child and in an open manner. This will allow you to get to know him and he will understand that he can trust you when he needs it, even with respect to his concerns and fears.
7. Adapt to your child
Sometimes, it may happen that we are not aware of our child’s age, because he or she may misbehave and get on our nerves at some point. As an adult, you must be aware that your child’s level of reasoning follows a developmental process, so you need to adapt to her needs.
Now, it is not a question of treating him as a mature person when he is not yet one. For example, at three years old he may have a need to say “no” to everything, as it is the way to gain independence from him. Don’t let certain attitudes of your little one surprise you, because it is not positive that you lose your calm. Keep in mind that the important thing is to educate him correctly, not to get uncontrollably angry.
Being a mother can be complicated sometimes, and it may seem like the situation is too big for you. Going to work, coming home and doing household chores and then educating your child… takes up many hours of your day. But stay calm and try to be patient. Don’t take it out on your little ones, and if at any time he doesn’t behave as you think he should, explain the reasons why he shouldn’t repeat your behavior. Likewise, if you have a partner, negotiate a better distribution of tasks, which brings us to the next point.
9. Responsibilities also belong to the father
It is positive that both parents share the responsibilities of the child. Whenever possible, You must find the balance to prevent you from carrying all the responsibility to educate your child. You will feel less stressed and it will be better for your child if you both get along and share his parenting.
10. Avoid arguing with your partner in front of your child
It has already been mentioned how important the role of parents is for the child’s socialization process and how their behavior can be imitated by the child: this is what is known as learning by modeling, vicarious or imitation. If you argue with your partner in front of him, you will be sending a negative message which will not be positive for their development or learning.
11. Let him develop his autonomy
Many parents may feel insecure when their children are seeking to be independent. This happens at any age. Being an overprotective mother is not beneficial at all because it prevents your child from developing fully and becoming empowered in the face of life.
12. Don’t let him grow up a spoiled child
One of the big mistakes mothers can make is think that everything they do in good faith is positive for their child In the first point we already talked about the importance of establishing limits, because raising spoiled children will have negative effects on their well-being. Therefore, you should avoid giving him gifts when he doesn’t touch, reinforcing his negative behaviors, giving in to his tantrums, or acting spoiled yourself.
If you want to know more about this interesting topic, you can read this article: “The 8 basic tips to not spoil your child”
It is necessary that you not be excessively disciplined, and under no circumstances do you hit your son or daughter Children who are continually spanked, hit or slapped are more likely to fight with other children in the future and develop a negative personality.
You can read more about this topic in our article: “The 8 reasons not to use physical punishment towards your children”
14. Monitor your parenting style
As with the types of leadership, there are different types of parenting style that are not characteristic of the parents but rather forms of relationship between the father and the child. These parenting styles have their benefits and negative consequences, and we can differentiate four: democratic, authoritarian, permissive and indifferent The democratic style is the healthiest, and is based on respect and communication with children.
15. Play at being emotionally intelligent with him
From a young age, children can develop emotional intelligence, which has a positive impact on their psychological health in the future. Thanks to play, children learn skills while having fun, something essential for their development in the first years of life. The game is not only beneficial on a psychomotor level, but can help them better understand their emotions
In this video you can learn the importance of emotional intelligence for your child:
16. Teach him how to solve problems
Parents not only act as models for their children when it comes to teaching them new behaviors, but they are a key element in their growth because they help them develop their superior cognitive ability and intelligence.
Social interaction, especially from parents, supports children’s development by establishing an influence through the Zone of Proximal Development, a term coined by Lev Vygotsky This zone is the distance between the level of maturity reached by the child through the natural process of development, and the level of potential development that he can reach when guided by people who are more capable than him, for example, parents.
Go deeper into this concept in this article: “The Sociocultural Theory of Lev Vygotsky”
17. Find time for yourself
During the first years of life, a mother’s dedication to her son or daughter occupies almost 24 hours a day, but being a mother does not mean that life and good times are over. That’s why you need to dedicate time for your well-being, which will be positive for your relationship with your little ones. For example, if you enjoyed hitting the gym, make time in your life to continue with this activity.
18. Enjoy your child and the experience
Being a mother is one of the most rewarding experiences that a human being can feel, and nothing can compare to the love that arises within a family. So enjoy this gift that life gives you even though at times things can get complicated. Being a mother is amazing!
