Emotional Blackmail: A Powerful Form Of Manipulation In A Couple
He emotional blackmail and other forms of psychological manipulation Unfortunately, they can be common in relationships, but also between friends and family. The emotional blackmailer acts in accordance with his interests, and blames, inconveniences and provokes fear in the victim of blackmail. This phenomenon generates a vicious circle effect based on the feeling of guilt from which it is difficult to get out; and that is why it is advisable to detect this type of situation in its early stages when the victim still has enough room for maneuver. In this sense, here we will review the characteristics of emotional blackmail in relationships.
We can define emotional blackmail as the psychological manipulation strategy that consists of generating in the victim a feeling of unfounded guilt as long as it bends to the wishes of the person who exercises it, leading him to assume that it is in his power not to worsen the situation.
According to Susan Forward, author of the book Emotional Blackmailemotional blackmail is “a powerful weapon of manipulation with which people close to us threaten us, directly or indirectly, to punish us if they do not get what they want.”
Causes of emotional blackmail
The causes that lead a person to be a blackmailer are many. For example, low self-esteem, which can cause an individual to be constantly seeking confirmation of your partner’s love and provoking demonstrations that the other person will not leave him.
Narcissistic people and people with Borderline Personality Disorder can also carry out constant emotional blackmail with their family, friends and partner. This is a way to reaffirm and consolidate your personality.
The fear of abandonment by the victim also encourages the blackmailer to try to adopt a position of power over the victim, in a situation that can closely resemble emotional dependence. On the other hand, people who have been victims of emotional blackmail from an early age, or individuals who have been “pampered” and “overprotected,” are more likely to adopt a manipulative personality The latter have a low tolerance for frustration and, in addition, have become accustomed to having everything they want. Something that can affect your interpersonal relationships.
Strategies of the sentimental blackmailer
The sentimental blackmailer You can use different strategies to achieve your goal Through the power he knows he has over the other person, the blackmailer “turns the tables” and takes advantage of the victim’s vulnerability.
To do this, he can use psychological strategies (more or less consciously) like the ones presented below:
self-punishment
The blackmailer uses phrases like “If you leave me, it’s not worth staying alive.”. This way makes the victim feel guilty and permanently forced not to question the foundations of the relationship.
The penalty
The person who blackmails use threatening phrases like the following: “If you do that, don’t blame me if I leave you.”. In this way, it makes the other person feel constantly tied to “correct” patterns of behavior, thus ensuring their freedom and their personality.
However, this is one of the least subtle forms of emotional blackmail, and for that reason it is not as dangerous as the rest, since from the beginning it is relatively clear what is happening. However, in certain contexts a severely abused person may not be aware that these are threats, due to their emotional investment in the relationship.
The emotional blackmailer creates a negative relationship environment, because you can show your anger through silence. This makes the victim think that the “bad weather” situation is their fault. It is another way of making the victim of blackmail feel guilty.
Furthermore, this form of blackmail is powerful because it uses passivity so that the victim becomes obsessed with what is happening due to their confusion and lack of understanding.
The victimhood
Emotional blackmail too includes victimhood An example could be the following phrase: “If you go with your friends, I will be alone and bored.”.
The promises
Blackmailers too They are experts at making promises that they never keep For example, “If you give me another chance I will show you that I can change.”. This type of behavior can be a warning sign, since it is one of the typical behaviors in cycles of intimate partner violence.
The blame
Making the partner feel guilty for their own wrong behavior It is one of the most used strategies. For example: “I am aggressive because you provoke me” either “I have been unfaithful because you don’t give me enough”. This is another sign that can alert us that a situation of psychological abuse may be occurring.
Protect yourself from an emotional blackmailer
Many times it is not easy to recognize that a person is being blackmailed The emotional price that sentimental blackmail causes is very high. For example, the loss of a loved one, or feeling ashamed or guilty for allowing yourself to be manipulated.
The blackmailer is a skilled person who knows how to manipulate and, at times, may seem (or say) that he is very in love with his partner or may justify his behavior in a thousand different ways, but the consequences on the well-being of the victim can be very negative. Besides, The blackmailer is not necessarily a bad or perverse person, it may be your emotional instability that leads you to act that way. Therefore, we must be aware that each situation is different and evaluate it calmly and calmly, but also firmly if a decision has to be made.
Now, since there are two actors in emotional blackmail, and the behavior of the blackmailer cannot always be changed, the blackmailed person can work on themselves to stop being a victim of emotional manipulation. Working on emotional intelligence, self-esteem or practicing Mindfulness are some of the tools that can be useful in this situation and will help the victim to become empowered in life.
Serious or potentially serious cases of emotional blackmail
In serious cases of emotional blackmail, the affected person may need psychological help to overcome the situation and recover from the emotional wounds caused.
Talking to friends and family, and going to a psychology specialist, are important to recover emotional well-being of the person who has suffered emotional blackmail for a long time.
