According to Save the Children, 23% of girls and 15% of boys residing in Spain suffer sexual abuse at least once before reaching the age of 17 The percentages are especially serious considering that a large part of these episodes are hidden, since they frequently occur within the family environment, and therefore are not reflected in the statistics.
These worrying figures, added to how harmful these types of experiences tend to be, have served to make a large number of fathers, mothers and child caregivers in general very sensitive to this problem.
Now, knowing that cases of sexual abuse exist and that they should be avoided is not enough if you want to do everything possible to avoid them. This is the topic we will address in this article.
The first thing we must understand when developing a strategy to avoid child sexual abuse is that, although the little ones cannot yet understand many things about life, from their earliest years They are already capable of learning many more abstract ideas than we think You simply have to understand the type of logic by which they are governed.
Thus, the work of fathers and mothers should not consist so much in restricting the movements of their sons and daughters, but rather in educating them so that they understand certain concepts that They will allow them to assimilate the idea that they control their body and that whoever wants to touch it or see it in certain ways is going to need a good excuse and act in a very specific context.
Let’s see what these learnings are adapted for the children’s population.
1. Warning about strangers is not enough
Since a large number of cases of sexual abuse occur within the domestic and family environment, warning about the dangers of interacting with complete strangers without parental or teacher supervision is necessary, but not sufficient. Having this clear allows us to have a more complete vision about the possible flanks from which this type of violation can occur.
That is precisely why the next point makes sense.
2. Talk about sexuality from an early age
Sex has always been a taboo subject, but if you want children to be prepared to identify sexual abuse as such, it is necessary for them to learn some basic notions about this facet of life. Educating boys and girls on this topic is not harmful to them at any age, on the contrary.
That is why we must talk about this topic in a didactic and clear way, avoiding formulas to shift attention to another topic that has nothing to do with sexuality, and using simple and non-masking concepts, such as “penis” and “vagina.” This will serve to prevent them from being manipulated through magical thinking, for example, making them believe that the genitals are like a button that activates objects.
In the same way, it is appropriate to talk to them about what abuse is and the existence of people who take advantage of their position of power to deceive the little ones with strange arguments to see or touch parts of their body.
As for when is the right time to start warning children against sexual abuse, the answer is simple: as soon as possible, and to the extent that they understand the message. Obviously, younger children will not be able to grasp all the nuances of this phenomenon, but That does not mean that they cannot assimilate anything that is told to them It is important to make yourself understood clearly and bluntly, adapting the explanation with an eye toward your degree of understanding and not anything else.
3. Help them understand the idea of ”private parts”
Knowing how to discriminate when it is appropriate to be touched and when it is not depends a lot on whether they know the concept of “private parts” of the body, those covered by underwear.
Something as simple as teaching this concept helps to have a fairly clear criterion about situations that may be the beginning of sexual abuse. However, also It is necessary to educate boys and girls in common sense, and name the exceptional cases in which an adult can touch these areas: in cases where hygiene requires it, and when it is necessary to undergo a medical examination by a specialized health professional. No adult should play with them.
4. Educating fairly
Preventing child sexual abuse also means educating boys and girls who do not get used to not having decision-making power. The attitude of avoiding problems that is often produced by very strict educational styles full of rules and punishments is something that facilitates the appearance of the fear of saying “no.”
That is why it is positive to always explain why certain actions are not allowed, instead of responding with punishments that do not allow us to understand what is happening Once children have begun to be clear about the behaviors they can and cannot do, it is much more difficult for them to allow themselves to be manipulated by fear of retaliation if they disobey. Submission is bad for all parties involved.
5. Do not force kissing and hugging
At family gatherings and meetings with friends, it is very common for parents to order their youngest children to greet with signs of affection people who, in fact, may cause them distrust because they are strangers.
This type of actions clashes head-on with the idea of sovereignty over one’s own body that is intended to be transmitted to them to prevent child sexual abuse and that is why it is better to avoid them.
