Emotional Dependence: Pathological Addiction To Your Romantic Partner
Every day, psychological consultations receive a lot of people who have a problem in common: emotional dependence
This condition can be observed when the person who suffers from it remains in a state of extreme affiliation with their romantic partner, because there is a great need to maintain the emotional bond and affection.
As with other dependencies, such as addiction to the consumption of toxic substances, emotional dependence operates through mechanisms of positive reinforcement which ends up generating psychological dependence in the subject. Emotional dependence affects women and men equally.
However, men often hide this problem because they feel less able to recognize that they are ’emotionally attached’ to another person. Because of the shame in expressing the problem, some men present more severe dependency symptoms.
Who suffers from emotional dependence?
Although this situation may often be temporary, The most common thing is that the pattern of emotional dependence in the subject is observed throughout his life and with the different partners he has This sentimental dependence does not refer to material reasons (such as an economic dependence), but rather refers to the need for love and emotional bond People who suffer from it have a great fear of being alone and cannot conceive of their life if it is not with a romantic partner.
It is significant that many people who are emotionally dependent look for partners with a dominant character, with a psychological profile that tends towards selfishness and narcissism, possessive, authoritarian and despotic. In some cases, the emotional dependent reports having suffered some type of physical or psychological abuse on the part of his partner, which is not strange considering the profile we have discussed. The dependent person tends to idealize his or her spouse, living in a certain submission to him.
The affected person is able to recognize the abuse and contempt they suffer daily, but they do not have the ability to stop being ‘hooked’ on their partner. He asks for forgiveness even for things they have not done, in order to appear tender and submissive to his partner; to gain her approval and love. They can also spend a lot of money on gifts and in general they will maintain an attitude of attention and gestures with which to keep their partner happy and satisfy them at all times.
Causes
Normally, the root of the problem of dependency is found in poor self-esteem, which leads the emotional dependent to systematically devalue themselves. They are critical of themselves and their way of being, to the point of feeling inferior and even guilty of the contempt they may receive from their romantic partners. The situation becomes even more unsustainable with the passage of time, in which the course of the relationship exacerbates the subordinate relationship of the emotional dependent with respect to her partner, who exercises a dominant role
In this way, the contempt of the dominant person towards the emotionally dependent person increases, taking their subordination to the extreme. It is also common to observe that these types of relationships end up breaking up in a short time, but that does not solve the problem. The clerk will try to return a thousand times to his ex-partner, in the same way that the drug addict manages to obtain the substance and use again. This dynamic leads to a vicious circle situation, since the dominant’s contempt increases, as well as the self-esteem and dignity of the emotionally dependent person decreases. The person who suffers from this type of emotional dependence needs to remain in contact with his or her partner, and if the bond is completely broken, a kind of emotional withdrawal syndrome
In these cases, there may be angry confrontations with friends and family The emotionally dependent person realizes that those close to him are trying to advise him that his psychological situation regarding the relationship is not the most appropriate, but he insists on defending his relationship. Although family members see up close that the suffering caused by this pathological relationship does not stop, the dependent usually confronts them and will defend the situation, going so far as to demand special treatment from those close to the other person
The comorbidity of emotional dependence is associated with anxious or depressive symptoms, apart from the lack of self-esteem that we have already mentioned, which is increased by becoming aware that is crawling to recover the love of someone who not only does not love him but despises and mistreats him.
In this situation, it is very common to observe that the dependent person firmly believes that his or her partner is superior and therefore deserves for everyone around him to recognize this and shower him with praise and respect. This can lead to a breakdown in the relationship with friends and family, which causes his emotional dependence to be reinforced since he will only find support in his partner. As we see, this is another dynamic in which we enter a vicious circle.
Pathological altruism
The affected person may go so far as to abandon his or her own work responsibilities in order to have the time necessary to satisfy the needs of the spouse. The family, work, social and psychological damage of the emotionally dependent person can reach worrying levels
In the event that the dependent has children, it is common for his children to have contemptuous behaviors and attitudes towards him. They learn to despise someone who shows no authority or dignity. Signs of deterioration in the children’s relationship with the authoritarian parent are also usually perceived, since he tends to be a selfish and despotic person who does not express much love or concern for his child.
It is essential to quickly start the psychological therapy in order to achieve emotional detachment from the couple. Failure to do so and continuing in negative dynamics can lead to dire consequences, since it is not uncommon for contempt to progress to psychological abuse and even ultimately physical abuse. To avoid entering into increasingly dangerous dynamics, it is important to start psychological treatment early, although this is difficult to achieve in practice.
As occurs in different addictions, the first step is for the affected person to be able to recognize that you have a problem and decide to find a way to solve it. This point is very difficult: the dependent will be able to find multiple excuses and justifications for his behavior. They tend to be of the type: “You don’t know him/her well”, “He/she loves me very much”, “No one is perfect”, “It’s my fault too”… It is practically impossible to make a therapy work that has not been required by the patient. affected person, and as happens with other addictions, it will be necessary to absolute break with partner.
Do you know someone who is emotionally dependent?
The best advice that can be given to someone whose family member or friend is emotionally dependent is the following:
